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AnonymousWoman's avatar

Parents, I need your help... How would you want your child broken up with if it became necessary to have a break up?

Asked by AnonymousWoman (6344 points ) January 19th, 2014

I’ve never broken up with anyone I’ve been in a ‘romantic’ relationship with before except for one person… when I was angry, because that guy treated me disrespectfully. So it was easy. But if your child treats his or her significant other with respect and the only issue is that things aren’t working out, but otherwise he or she is a fantastic person, what is the best way to end it? Why is this so hard?

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14 Answers

Dutchess_III's avatar

I don’t understand what you’re asking.

longgone's avatar

Kindly, but firmly. You can’t be blamed for your feelings.

Why are you asking for parents’ opinions?

josie's avatar

I love to answer questions like this when they make sense. Wish I could put in my two cents worth.

janbb's avatar

Why are you looking for the parents’ perspective? How old are the children you’re talking about? Are you talking about a marriage or a dating relationship?

AnonymousWoman's avatar

I really don’t know what’s so hard to understand about my questions. Please explain…? They look pretty clear to me.

@longgone Thank you.

Because they are important to me.

@janbb Either works, but this is about a dating relationship. And 22/23. I don’t mean children as in ‘children’. I thought my use of the word ‘parents’ would make that more clear…

Dutchess_III's avatar

It’s simply that we don’t know if you’re talking about yourself wanting to break up with someone, or one of your kids wanting to break up with someone, or someone wanting to break up with one of your kids or someone wanting to break up with you. But it can’t be yourself you’re referring to because you’ve never been in a romantic situation where you had to break up with someone, except for one other time, and that’s long gone and not what you’re referring to.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

I felt like it was pretty obvious I was talking about myself. Also, I have never had children in my life. I dunno. I’m kind of disappointed with the answers here. I even recognize most of you and have had interactions with at least a couple of you, but I guess you don’t all remember me because I’m not here often enough or something. Or maybe my screen name isn’t memorable. I’m used to Fluther being more helpful. But maybe it’s my fault and I chose poor wording. I will try to be more clear next time and maybe run my question by someone else and ask him or her how he or she understands what I’m trying to say…

janbb's avatar

@AnonymousWoman No point in getting shirty with us because you wrote the question poorly. I do remember you – your question is just not clear. Why not clarify the situation and let us respond again? Who is doing the breaking up and why are the parents’ views involved?

Dutchess_III's avatar

I remember you too. And what @janbb said. I don’t understand where that parent/child thing comes in if there are no parents or children involved.

If you’re simply asking “How do I break up with this person nicely,” the old stand-by “It’s not you, it’s me,” works.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

To me, it’s as clear as day. So it was just frustrating. That’s all.

I’ve been considering breaking up with my SO because I don’t feel like it’s working out. But his Mom loves me… and I don’t want to hurt her feelings or anything. I dunno. Is it wrong to care about how the break up might affect her if it happens? She is very close with her son… and I don’t want her to have to deal with him being depressed or anything because of me…

janbb's avatar

There isn’t anything you can do to prevent either of them being effected. Just do the breaking up as nicely as you can. Of course, if her son is unhappy she will be effected and try to help him; that’s what Moms do. But that’s not something you have any control over.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Yeah, you can not control how they’re going to feel about it. They’ll get over it eventually, anyway.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

Thank you both.

Kardamom's avatar

You just tell the fellow that you are not feeling the same way as he is (or the way that maybe you did before) and give a few gentle examples of why. Tell him that it wouldn’t be fair to either of you to continue if you don’t have the same feelings for each other and that you want him to be able to find someone who’s better suited for him. He’s either going to agree with you, that breaking up is for the best, or get very upset and sad and try to convince you to stay together.

Just be gentle and polite. Then, write a sweet note to his mother, letting her know what has happened, and how much you like/love and respect them both and that you would enjoy continuing to be her friend if she’d like that.

I know a few people that have broken up with SO’s, but have remained close to the family of that person.

Good luck and I hope it all works out for you.

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