Would you be willing to go on a date like this?

Heart and personality is far more important than looks, especially for us middle aged peeps.
I want brains, wit, humor, good morals, values, honesty, integrity and at this stage of the game, morbid obesity aside I’d happily “settle” for a really awesome human being pretty much regardless of package. 50 lbs. overweight, no problem, balding, no problem, a disability of some sort, no problem, smoke a few cigarettes, no problem.

Alcoholic dumb fuck control freak…problem! lol

I would if she was a good woman. I dated a woman last year that has a nerve issue where half her face doesn’t move. It made for some quirky smiles, but it didn’t faze her once. And after the first five minutes I didn’t even think about it.

I would date anyone. I’m just game that way.

Do I have to go on the date with cameras in my face and a microphone? Because if that’s the case, unless I have a script it’s going to be a quiet night. I cannot perform improv.

In a real-world situation, I like to think I wouldn’t have a problem seeing a person for who they are regardless of their packaging.

I remember there being a boy in my high school who I had a sort-of crush on (these were high religious days for me, so I couldn’t seriously consider actually dating someone who wasn’t a member of my church, but I indulged small crushes from time to time). He had been born with his fingers fused together. One hand had two “fingers” (really, two fingers each, but fused together, with the thumb bones attached to the palm of his hand) and the other two “fingers” and his thumb. He had wonderful handwriting and loved to draw. And he was a very kind person.

Honestly, though, that seems so minor to me. So his hands look different? Big deal. So a person is short. Whatever. I’m more attracted to peoples’ brains anyway.

That show is horrid.

@Seek_Kolinahr I think that is the difference, getting to know a person their physical outer appearance whether great or not so great just sort of disintegrates as their personality shines through. This show is a bit jarring if you consider that the people are meeting for the very first time and have to make a decision or not whether they would like to meet again. @Simone_De_Beauvoir In which way is it horrid?

Not all of those folks had anything wrong with them in my opinion, or have any handicaps. No wonder less people are dating these days. Often times people with nothing really wrong with them, and who are actually very decent and attractive people have to choose between selling themselves out in order to be with someone.

Quite frankly, this show (and your wording of this question) strikes me as mildly insulting/offensive.

Having sex with an “ugly” person, you don’t look at the mantlepiece when poking the fire.

@livelaughlove21 I realize it could sound that way and was not intended at all. For me the program teaches people that all people deserve and want love no matter who they are. Like elderly people for example are not seen as being allowed to be sexual. It was a difficult question to word without using the terms that I did. So, not sure how it is insulting? Yes it is a controversial show as they are different, they know it and finding love for them is not easy. I think the show does educate people about people who are different (that they are in fact not different).

I don’t have television service in my home, and have never seen this particular show. I’m sure it’s like most other reality shows: Ultimately exploitation of someone who feels the money is worth the exposure.

If the question had been: “Would you attend a date on a reality show” my answer would have been an unqualified “no”. My private life is not “entertainment” and I don’t feel like anyone else’s should be either. As a first time mom, I appreciated the show “A Baby Story” because it was tastefully done and very informative for a pregnant woman who didn’t have a real support system to let her know what to expect. A Baby Story is not the touchstone for most reality shows.

I read the question as “Would you be willing to date someone with an obvious handicap?”

It is a valid question. While the vast majority of us (at least on this site) wouldn’t dare brag about it, there are certainly physical and mental handicaps that we would find unattractive, or distasteful, or simply too much work to get involved with a person who suffered them. And that’s ok.

Not wanting to date someone is not automatically an offense. We all have the right to date who we want to.

How about I make my answer more specific:

if I were in the position of looking for a date, and I’m not
I would be willing to date someone with a physical defect.
I would be willing to date someone with Tourette’s or narcolepsy or another such disorder.
I would be willing to date a dwarf.

I would probably not be willing to date someone with a serious physical disability that required full time care. I know that some people who do not have use of their legs still have full control over their toilet habits. That would be fine.

I would probably not be willing to date someone on the autism spectrum. Them plus me would be way too much social awkwardness and introversion for one relationship.

I would not be willing to date someone with Down Syndrome or other serious mental disability. I have two dear friends with Down Syndrome but I cannot see any sort of romantic or physical relationship happening there.

Disabilities can affect more than looks. I have Asperger’s. While I am ugly, even when someone can get past that the autism is always hard. People think Asperger’s means being quirky and a little weird but for me it has a lot of struggles that people don’t expect. You can’t just look past my disability. I also can’t drive due to low vision. You think someone always wants to transport me? It’s more complicated than that.

@Seek_Kolinahr The show has really made me think personally how I would evaluate a prospective date. I am also not in the market for dating, but found the show to be compassionate and also seems to encourage awareness of the sexuality of all people who are deemed to be unlovable by a society that has certain standards it lays out for who is lovable and who is not.

With people with learning disabilities, they seem to pair like for like. For me too, that would not be an area I would be wiling to get involved with. I would worry all day about them coping and I can barely cope with myself (and I am not learning disabled).

A person with tourettes for example can shout out obscenities at various moments. My friend who has a social phobia said that he could not deal with that, since his phobia would go into full throttle.

For me the crux is if I knew a person over time I would not see their so called disability or challenge any longer. I just personally would not choose it in a dating scenario.

The people who date these people are really looking for certain personality traits like a loving heart, a kind disposition for example. Which is how love perhaps should be? As opposed to what have you got and how attractive are you and where do you fit on the human ecological chain.

@hug_of_war Yes I understand and this show helped me to do so. There are many people willing to look past Aspergers. This show was not about ‘ugliness’ at all. It is about people who are judged by their disabilities as unlovable. Which, is ridiculous of course.

It always amazes me when I read responses to questions like this, people seem to think they can or do choose people to date, mate, or whatever with a different criteria than they would a plate of food, car, or furniture. Since we have learned to communicate in the real world we have been told get the softest pillow, the shiniest bike, the biggest potato, banana, apple, etc. the chair with the best leather, etc. Sure, if you made the effort you could look past any physical defect or anomaly but it is not automatic. The way people talk is like if they were at some function where a meal was served and everyone was receiving the same meal, that if theirs arrive at the table and the peas were in the mash potatoes, the gravy was slopped over the bread hardly hitting the meat and the meat was flopped half way into the salad, they would not say anything about getting a messy plate; especially when everyone in their party or at their table was given a plate arranged appealingly. Even though it is all going to get mixed together and go to the same place anyhow, people want it to look appealing to the eye when it arrives on the plate.

Those on the show who are considered ”dateable” if it were apart from the show or what incentive derived from it, fame, money, a night on the town, etc. if they would really be motivated to date anyone deemed ”undateable”? I suppose there is a percent that would, very small, but most wouldn’t.

I could but only from the position that I had some social connection that allowed me to learn of their personality. To just have some dwarf woman come to work at the office, etc. and say I would surely like to know her better or get a date; she would have to be very physically stunning to overcome her severe lack of height. If ⅓ of her body was fire scarred without a foundation of growing interested in her over time, just seeing her at the bowl of potato salad at a BBQ is not going to illicit romantic feelings when there are other women with smooth porcelain skin in the room. Call it what you want, but I can be honest with myself, I can say anything to anyone, but my actions will be truth more than not.

I think it’s safe to say, @Hypocrisy_Central, that we all know how you feel about women.

@Hypocrisy_Central These people do want to find a real date. It is a dating agency. Perhaps look at the British show that aims to educate the public instead of simply make profit for it. It is not a ‘win a prize’ or ’ you get voted off’ type of reality show. It is a documentary style of program. Some of the people who are dwarfs shared the fact they they would never join a regular site as they get targeted by people with fetishes for dwarfs. That would be horrific for a person looking for love. After the documentary is aired comments from viewers are posted up.

Some remarked how much they have learned from the show. Also the BBC invites people with similar issues to phone certain help lines for further advice on dating safely and support.

^^ Recheck those powers of clairvoyance, they are off by miles.

You can’t help who you are attracted to, though I think one can learn to find another person attractive with time and circumstances. Also, you can still be close to a person without the sex part.

@LornaLove Some of the people who are dwarfs shared the fact they they would never join a regular site as they get targeted by people with fetishes for dwarfs. That would be horrific for a person looking for love.
What would stop someone with a dwarf fetish from coming to that agency? Would not someone expect to find a dwarf on a site from that agency more than one of the traditional ones? To get to the point where size doesn’t matter would not be immediate, unless it was the size that drew the person in the first place.

It is horrid because its premise is horrid and problematic.