Social Question

Dutchess_III's avatar

Why do some men have to make a big deal out of every day things?

Asked by Dutchess_III (26699 points ) January 29th, 2014

I’ve experienced this with both of my husbands. Like, they take out the trash and make sure you know that they did it and how much work it was.

Rick started Saturday morning breakfast (the bacon) two Saturdays in a row, and at one point said, “I started breakfast like I always do.” He doesn’t “always” start the breakfast! It’s about 50/50.

He vacuums about once every two months (I vac 2 or 3 times a week) then acts like he’s the only one who ever vacuums.

When they get sick they act like they’re dying.

I’m pretty sure this behavior isn’t exclusive to my men, as I’ve seen posts on fb that say things like, “A man is someone who takes out the trash and then acts like he cleaned the whole house.”

Is it some ancient instinct to prove that they’re the biggest and bestest of all the world’s male primates?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

33 Answers

janbb's avatar

Why do some women have to make a big deal out of every day things?

KNOWITALL's avatar

Sorry, I’m with @janbb, women are the drama queens in my world.

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

It’s the same thing in my marriage, and I just laugh about it.

I think many husbands know that they don’t pull their weight around the household, and they feel sheepish. They also think that we wives are quietly, but constantly, taking note and keeping an informal tally. When they pitch in and do something, they feel temporary exonerated, and they want to make sure that they get fair credit on the “scorecard.”

ragingloli's avatar

They want to be praised by mama.

Dutchess_III's avatar

It doesn’t particularly bother me, btw. Like @SadieMartinPaul I just kind of roll my eyes and laugh.

I just wonder if it has anything to do with chest pounding type of behavior? Like it’s almost an instinct to brag on yourself? Like a stag showing off who has the biggest rack, or something.

LuckyGuy's avatar

He’s heard that women like men who contribute. Subconsciously he hoping for a little activity in the evening.
If it works, you might be surprised by bacon AND eggs tomorrow.
Let us know the results.

Dutchess_III's avatar

No. That’s not his motivation! I guarantee you! It has something to do with his ego, which he has a big one.

stanleybmanly's avatar

Tradition! When a woman shrieks from the kitchen, and her husband flies into the room to confront the rapist that turns out to be a nosy field mouse, or is summoned from home to change the flat tire on the minivan——it sort of balances out.

LuckyGuy's avatar

I guess there’ll be no eggs this Saturday.

hey_now's avatar

I don’t know any men like this.

Cruiser's avatar

@Dutchess_III I bet you don’t get much recognition for what you do around the house either.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Men as with women, when they try to be the master of their own fate and the captain of their soul, they want outward affirmation they are doing a good job and not screwing it up as with what often happens.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Nope. No eggs on Saturday @LuckyGuy!

I don’t really expect any recognition @Cruiser. I mean, it’s my job. Even when I was working full time I got quite a bit done before work, while my husband was still sleeping. Got the kitchen and the bathroom clean. That’s just part of living in a house. The only time it becomes a problem is if he flat out accuses me of “never” doing this and such just because he did it a couple of times in a row. Hey…if he’s going to go on a vacuum binge, which he does every few months, vacuuming every day for a week, go for it! But don’t accuse me of never vacuuming just because you went on a binge.

All that aside, I just wonder what that mindset is.

A couple of folks said “Hey…some women do it too!” and, in fact, I have a sister who labors under the delusion that she’s the only one who ever does anything. But she has a bunch of other mental issues too. The tendancy seems to be most prevalent in men and I wonder why.

Cruiser's avatar

@Dutchess_III no I can say on good authority women (woman) my wife is the same way but worse. She is a stay at home mom and when I come home after work dare I mention the cereal bowl that is still on the counter where it was when I left for work she will angrily retort “what? Do think I don’t do anything all day long?” And then start vacuuming when I sit down to watch the evening news!

Dutchess_III's avatar

Passive aggressive much?

Symbeline's avatar

You have two husbands?

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, one now and an Ex.

ucme's avatar

Heehee, I got a tiny cut on my finger the other day, bloody tin opener went all skittish on me.
I went on like a fucking great white had just made off with a limb & only calmed down when the wife put a Spongebob plaster/band aid over my tender pinkie, there, there, all better now.

Dutchess_III's avatar

That must have hurt, poor baby! whiney SOB!! But it really does sound like it would hurt.

ucme's avatar

Only a momentary sting & the slightest of slight cuts, no more than a scratch really.
I’m one of those wimpy types that takes minutes to even pluck up the courage to look at a wound & even then through squinted eyes.

Dutchess_III's avatar

My son had a big old gash in his head. Took him to the ER. Blood everywhere. The nurse freaked out so bad the doctor kicked her out and put me in charge of handing him stuff. I was able to watch him get stitched up like soft piece of leather. You, sir, are a wimp!

ucme's avatar

Self confessed to boot.

yankeetooter's avatar

This is not exclusively a male trait…some people are just like that.

Judi's avatar

They’re looking for affirmation. Not all men are this way. I’m probably more that way than my husband is. Some people experience love by the affirming words they get.
Just give him an enthusiastic “thank you” and tell him how much you appreciate it and he’ll do it more often.

DWW25921's avatar

Men are more interested in being respected than being loved and usually a man will show respect by performing mundane functions that he wouldn’t otherwise do.

Ok, I know this family. Mom, dad, and 3 girls. The oldest girl is about 12 and she doesn’t think dad loves her. I ask her why and she says he doesn’t talk to her or do things she likes. What he does do is falling on deaf ears because he shows love on his level. He shows her respect by spending time with her (fishing, ATV, misc. Hillbilly activities) and providing for her needs. His “affection” comes in the form of actions that this kid doesn’t get.

As for her… She hangs on him in public, says “I love you” constantly and always wants to drone on about menial things. To a man this can get very annoying. Well, to her that’s important. She’s showing love her way. They are both trying at their own levels. They are so very different however that neither one really gets the other.

That just to say, men and women are not the same. The thinking process is different. He’s not just taking out the trash, he feels he’s doing something for you. To a man, time and energy are important. Another example, when my wife and I argue, I’m less inclined to help out around the house even if it would also benefit me.

He’s making it a big deal because it is to him.

Dutchess_III's avatar

It may be a big deal to him @DWW25921, but it’s rather annoying to us drones.

hearkat's avatar

It is a common stereotype. Thankfully, my sweetie does not fit it, and we joke about it.

zenvelo's avatar

I’ve always found it to be an untrue stereotype, at least amongst most of my friends. My ex didn’t recognize my part in taking care of the house (while she was “bedridden” on her prescribed drugs), that’s one of the reasons she is my ex.

Paradox25's avatar

Actually I’ve always been the opposite of that, downplaying most things I usually do, like it was no big deal kind of thing (even if it was :-). The only time I tend to do this is if she (or even a ‘he’ for that matter) would make a real big blunder with something mechanical, if it was a costly mistake that required a great deal of work on my part that they could had prevented. I’m nice about it, but I let them know what they did wrong and emphasize the work involved so they don’t make the same mistake again.

janbb's avatar

My Ex did tons of things around the house and never bragged about it. I find these generalizations very unhelpful.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

That just to say, men and women are not the same. The thinking process is different.
And yet we waste so much time, and expend so much effort to get everyone to believe we are all in some gender-less ooze where everyone is a carbon copy of the next.

Dutchess_III's avatar

@janbb I said some men, not all men.

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

@janbb Most of us have been careful to use qualifiers such as “some” and “many.” We’re not tossing a blanket generalization over all men.

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther