General Question

janbb's avatar

Got my divorce date. Should I bring a friend?

Asked by janbb (44570 points ) January 29th, 2014

Realize this is a personal decision but curious to hear of others’ experiences. All the issues are settled and there should be no big surprises but I am expecting it to be quite emotional for me. My lawyer and he and his lawyer will be there. Should I consider bringing a friend as well even if she sits in the hall. For those who got divorced, how did the day itself go for you? Any words of wisdom to share?

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18 Answers

Cruiser's avatar

I was pretty prepared for mine and kinda glad I went alone. After I just wanted to be alone as well. Good luck with that @janbb

stanleybmanly's avatar

Why not pop up at the great event with a devastatingly handsome hunk on your arm? But seriously, if you think you might need backup by all means bring a reliable and supporting friend.

Cupcake's avatar

Bring a very good friend who is willing to sit in the hall for hours and wouldn’t be offended if you wanted to be alone afterwards.

It’s good to feel loved. But don’t feel obligated to “hang out” after if you just want to go home and take a bubble bath.

marinelife's avatar

I went alone and was glad that I did. I did have a Taking my name back party to celebrate.

janbb's avatar

@marinelife Yes, am considering something like that too.

gailcalled's avatar

I went alone and did not feel like chatting or celebrating the divorce on that day. I had to brood for a while. For me the marriage had ended long before I signed the papers; it was pro forma at that point.

anniereborn's avatar

I had a very unique situation. My Ex and I went there together. Afterwards we went out to eat. The divorce was “sort of” mutual (more on his side). And we promised to stay friends. That went out the window when he met his current wife. I think in some ways that hurt me more than the divorce.

Cupcake's avatar

I didn’t feel like hanging out either (although I might have been convinced to go get tea and chocolate cake somewhere).

But I do think that sitting with someone during down time and knowing that someone loved me enough to spend their day on me would have meant a lot.

josie's avatar

My ex wife did not like my friends.

I thought it might be interesting if I invited them to the divorce proceedings. I was pretty sure she would make “a scene”.

But then, At the last moment, I worried that somehow that might delay the process, and rather than risk that catastrophe, I asked them to wait for me at the bar.

elbanditoroso's avatar

I went by myself. Come to think of it, so did she.

I personally wouldn’t want anyone to accompany me, but I’m an independent and self-confident person.

zenvelo's avatar

I went alone, since it had dragged on for so long I could no longer afford an attorney to represent me at trial. Trial was two exhausting days; and then the final judgment was sent in the mail. The effective date was agreed to so that medical insurance coverage would be an easy transition.

On the effective date I went out to dinner with my girlfriend.

AshLeigh's avatar

You could arrange for someone to drive you to court, and pick you up to take you home afterwards? That way if you do just want to be alone you’ll only have to hang out for the ride home, and if you don’t want to be alone you can invite them in? This is what my mother did.

janbb's avatar

@AshLeigh Not a bad idea. It is the drive I am the most anxious about.

pleiades's avatar

Just wanted to say good luck girl! We will be here for you on Fluther should have you any questions whatsoever or if you’re wanting to vent through questions whatever it is we will be here for you!

I recommend bringing a friend, friends usually help me keep my composure when I’m in the outside world.

laurenkem's avatar

The actual day was anti-climatic, as I was already living 1000 miles away by then and didn’t even know I had been divorced until my husband called to tell me. The divorce was in Pennsylvania, all the paperwork had been done and agreed upon, and it was a consensual divorce; no attendance needed, the Judge just signed the Decree and that was it.

The initial meeting with my lawyer was a completely different story. For that, I took a girlfriend with me and cried and cried. I was awfully glad to have her there that day.

DWW25921's avatar

You should have an after party. Or at least a nice get together after it’s over. You should be with friends.

hearkat's avatar

Mine was on a Wednesday and my mother accompanied me – it’s 17 years ago next month, and I don’t recall how it transpired that she came along, since we really aren’t close. She did sit in the courtroom with me. He no-showed, which made it much easier and also meant that we were one of the first cases heard, since it was ‘uncontested’. I suspect he thought the divorce couldn’t happen without his presence, but instead he did me a favor.

I was taken aback when I went into work the following day and they had bought a cake in celebration. 17 years ago, I’d never heard of people doing that; and while I was glad it was over, I still wasn’t happy about it. It was awkward for me, but I appreciated the gesture.

linguaphile's avatar

Big, big hugs for you, @janbb

I went alone, but had my phone fully charged and kept myself occupied on my phone—so I didn’t feel alone and had the opportunity to stop texting at any time. The ex was 2½ hours late—the judge was willing to move our docket to the end of the list, but that was it. He showed up 5 minutes before the last group exited the courtroom, laughed about it and didn’t apologize. Said he had to shower, eat breakfast and do errands—I wanted to hang him by his toenails and prod him with hot pokers.

If I had a friend there, my ire and anxiety would have made things pretty uncomfortable, so I was happy I had a fully charged phone—I could text whoever was available, and I think I even spent some time on Fluther while waiting. I think having my phone was the perfect ‘halfway point’ between being alone and being accompanied.

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