TJBM, The Jelly Below Me, #53?

TJBM has been to New England.

True. I live in New England.

TJBM has been to old England.

TJBM loves cookies.

Pssst! @talljasperman You forgot to answer!

I love cookies, and I’ve never been to New England.
TJBM lives in the south.

Uh way false try the great white north of CANADA.
TJBM has never been to the west coast of Canada

I intended to explore Canada but I had car trouble between Niagara Falls and Detroit and drove to the Midwest instead. I’d love to live in Canada! (In July!)

TJBM admits to know what ear wax tastes like.

False, and our west coast Canadian winters are usually much milder than your northern east coast US winters.
TJBM likes chocolate a little to much.

Yes. I just found a new kind that’s really yummy!

TJBM loves to learn about volcanoes.

I do, I have some documentaries on disc about Pompei and other volcanos.

TJBM knows that that the volcano in Yellowstone Natl Park could wipe out the sun for 40 years with it’s ash cloud and lay waste to North America.

Hahaha.
TJBM believes in ghosts.

I believe in Some_Ghosts. ;-)

TJBM has a general idea of what I’m wearing around my neck in my avatar.

Ummmm, you’re the king of a tiny European country, and one is your family crest, the other was presented to you by your wife’s family when you were married?
TJBM bites their toenails.

Bo.

TJBM belongs in a mental institute.

Probably.
TJBM doesn’t drink enough water.

Aye. I’m thirsty.

TJBM believes it is their right the rule the world.

Right? It’s my duty.
TJBM has never gotten first prize for anything. (Cereal boxes don’t count.)

Truth, but I have nothing to prove, anyways.

TJBM wants to tell us about their fourth grade teacher.

Not particularly, but she did have outstanding tits.
TJBM sometimes gently rubs the side of their nose with their index finger while talking.

Not that I can remember.
TJBM skis.

No. I do love Winter so much though, and I like walks out when it’s shit cold.

TJBM raises a horn to their ancestors.

No, I am not sexually attracted to my ancestors.
TJBM phantasises about swapping genders and then whoring himself out.

Nope. I’ve never had that fantasy.

TJBM has snow on the ground where they live.

Not one single solitary fucking snowflake has fallen all winter long.
TJBM has nipples

Why yes. Yes I do.
HOW DID YOU KNOW?

TJBM has no school or work today due to the snow.

False. The weather is horrific here but no snow.

TJBM will be staying in a hotel this weekend.

False, no hotels/trips for me right now.

TJBM has a colorful house

Very true @Coloma lots of color indeed!

TJBM is allergic to chocolate cake.

False. No known allergies.

TJBM has seen a Paul Newman movie this year.

False, but I loved the old fart gang in Las Vegas, M. Douglas, Morgan Freeman, Deniro and….

TJBM likes going to the movies

True. Every time I Redbox it costs me more than just going to the movies. I’ll go today just to prove myself.
TJBM has farted when they thought they were alone, only to find out they weren’t.

TRUE. Butt (pun intended), once you hit 50, who gives a rat’s rump? It’s worse when you cut one that turns out to be silent, but deadly and just hangs on you like a dirty sock.

TJBM talks to inanimate objects like thy are people.

True but only if vehicles count.
TJBM has no real idea what ,having to put on the jewellery means in trucker talk.

I do not.

TJBM does not like wearing rings.

I do like wearing rings, but I can’t wear them because they pinch when I use the wheelchair. I do have a pinkie ring I like to wear a lot.
TJBM has been very good at washing their clothes in a bathtub.

Um, no. I do some hand washing but in a sink not a tub. lol

TJBM will share a secret about themselves

I’m 41 and still just want my daddy. :(

TJBM has a wig in the closet.

Yes, a clown wig and mask for Halloween.

TJBM wishes the East Coast rain and snow would move to the West Coast of the USA.

Yes. I’ve long thought that if pipelines can be constructed to carry oil, they could also be used to distribute water. They would only need a pump system which could change where it sends from and to.
TJBM has a secret video camera.

False. I do not own a video camera, secret or private. I was recently in an antique mall that had knot holes in the wall of the bathroom that creeped me out, though.

TJBM has watched a naughty video on-line that was taken secretly.

SSHHH don’t let Mrs Squeeky know.
TJBM is going to go to bed early tonight.

Absolutely – at least that’s the plan.

TJBM is away from home.

Kind of. I live here, but you know, home is where the heart is.
TJBM needs to get rid of some of their junk.

I sure do. Too much crap everywhere.

TJBM studies pirate history.

False. It’s never occurred to me that there is such a thing as ‘pirate history’.

TJBM misses rubber cement.

That’s the TJBM I am talking about @ibstubro!
False. Rubber cement is my enemy.
TJBM want to share a shocking story.

Like the time I saw a disemboweled man talking?

TJBM has been a cliff diver

nope
TJBM wants some ABC food.

Already been chewed? No thanks.
TJBM is itchy.

Actually yes, my knee itches right now. lol

TJBM likes pistachio nuts

Not really but love Almonds and walnuts does that count?
TJBM Would like the chance to drive a semi at least once.

No, but I sure would like to get back at a helm. six long blasts and I’m outta here!
TJBM has something in their body they weren’t born with.

True. I have a donor ureter tube in my kidney, thanks anonymous person from morgue #2 and a pin in my left shoulder that is fashioned from a piece of my collar bone.

TJBM has fallen off a horse and been injured.

She was a small horse, but I was a small girl. she took off at a run without warning when we hit open pasture, and stepped on my leg when I hit the ground. My daddy was there and carried me all the way back to the house. She herard me scream, and came back. she felt very guilty. No-ne had to lead her back, she tried to nuzzle me the whole walk, but I was feeling bitter and kept pushing her away.
TJBM feels that spanking isn’t one bit sexually arousing.

I’m not going to talk to you about my personal affairs.
TJBM will talk to TJAM about their personal affairs.

OK, I have an imaginary boyfriend. The best thing about him is that I can always have sex with him.
TJBM is always horny.

More like once every other day.

TJBM knows how to pronounce the surname Nguyen.

Sure! When? Now? When. My favorite Nguyen is Scotty.
TJBM can explain to me why some people come to this thread just to call, “NOT IT!”

Since there’s no explicit use of that phrase besides yours in this thread, I’d need to see an example of your observation before I could attempt an explanation.

TJBM can give me an example of a post exhibiting an attitude that implies “NOT IT!”?

I’m not sure what “NOT IT” really means either but maybe this will fit?
TJBM will see if my example is correct and give the straightforward definition of “NOT IT”.

no, too lazy, going to bed.

TJBM didn’t look up pirate history, did they? Huh, huh? lol night yall

TJBM gonna have a good night, ya?

No, because it’s not night here.
TJBM is still awake.

Yes, and I’m sure nobody could truthfully answer “False” to that supposition.

TJBM has been to a Tet parade.

How the hell do you know that?
TJBM don’t celebrate New Year Eve.

Pho gives me prescience? ;-) Actually, I went to a Tet Parade last Saturday and I think you live in Vietnam.

I did celebrate NYE but I could have done without the fireworks.

TJBM believes in Pho for Life?

dun lmow wut dat is, pardner

TJBM knows how to wield weapons from Japan’s Edo era.

I know how to watch experts wield them!

TJBM is up wa-a-ay too early.

Yeah but I had to go to work,but the spare big truck wont start someone put the wrong fuel in it.
TJBM wishes they were born $rich$

Not a chance, I earned all my ££££££ & that’s the way it should be.
TJBM has an internet connection

Let me check, I’ll get back to you. My modem is 300 baud Hayes.

TJBM remembers and used ARPANET in the early 1970’s. I did at College.

False, never heard of ARPANET what is it?

TJBM is in a gloomy mood today.

No, but I am tired and trying to stay motivated.

TJBM would love a pet sea otter.

Somehow I doubt that would go well.

TJBM loves their mom and /or dad.

One is dead. The other is psycho-bitch. I’m fine occupying a corner of the universe with neither of them. I do love otters though.
TJBM has a strange fascination for invertibrates

False. I dislike spineless beings. Give me an opinion, any opinion. ;)

TJBM enjoys a new turn of phrase.

Absolutely.

tjbm likes to type teeny tiny!

Teeny tiny, big and bold, it’s all good.

TJBM lurves too much.

@Coloma ARPANET was the Internet before the InterWeb.

I DON“T lurve too much, I’m a minimalist.

TJBM is sick and tired of being cold.

Yes, yes, and YES! It was -6° last night. That’s inhuman. I vote that Jay Nixon pass a law that it can’t fall below 0° in the state of Misery. I’ll move back.

TJBM thinks the government should control everything.

Nope. Does anybody, really? “Everything”

TJBM wishes politics were less divisive and more about actually serving the will of the people.

Very TRUE,all politics .
TJBM is really sick of winter right now.

Not so much winter per se, but this year’s extreme cold, yes.

TJBM will be following a favorite athlete or team in the Winter Olympics.

Nah, i’ll be watching just to see those spectacular crashes, that’s right, I like to take the piste.
TJBM kinda thinks slalom skiers are more or less twerking on a mountain.

Poor stray animals in you easterners zone, breaks my heart to think of cold, starving creatures.

Easterners my butt. I’m in the middle of the Midwest and it’s forecast -8° F tonight.

^^^ Well if you think I am going to pluck my geese and make you a parka, think again, those Goodwill gloves are warm I hope. lol

@ibstubro better watch out for @Coloma and her plucking geese!

Trust me, @Yetanotheruser, @Coloma‘s plucking geese are well watched.

I’m gonna flag a mod you guys! You’re not playing right!!

TJBM hasn’t been playing right.

Plucking geese, @Yetanotheruser! @Dutchess_III will flag a mod!

True. We’ve been murmuring in left field.

What’s on second…I dunno? THIRD BASE!

TJBM is in the right field.

Always.

TJBM wanted to tell one of the TJAM that a goose was featured in my 1:02 fb video. :)

nope
TJBM is waiting for baseball season.

nope
TJBM is waiting for the spring season.

Nope, it’s already spring. Beside, I prefer summer.
TJBM is waiting for the summer.

I’m not waiting for it, but I’m sure it’ll come here even if I’m south of the equator when it arrives.

TJBM knows who started the first TJBM thread.

Um…not sure…so false. ( JanB maybe)

TJBM is wearing a clown nose

What kind if sick perv do you take be for?

TJBM know who Red Skelton is, and has mentioned him in conversation this year.

This was a chore!

True, I do, but no conversations about him.

TJBM has big ears, like donkey size, dumbo size, jumbo ears.

Only the fake ones that I wear with my clown nose and my red skeleton costume!

TJBM is familiar with Clem Kadiddlehopper.

Sure I do: Freddie the Freeloader’s alter ego.

TJBM feels like a re-run now and then.

Last night I felt like a rerun of my days gone by. Saw a picture taken of me over two decades ago. Man, I was hot!
TJBM is glad for the pineapple express, so now @Coloma can wear her galoshes!

OMG most of the time
TJBM thinks Canadians are super neat .

I don’t know any Canadians but I think Orcas are super neat and Canadians have Orcas in their waters so yes. lol

TJBM loves Orcas and thinks that theme parks like Seaworld should not keep and exploit these highly intelligent and social animals.

I agree. Even humans, when held captive for no apparent reason, rebel and sometimes hurt their captors.

TJBM thinks that some animals might have more intelligence than we humans give them credit for.

Undoubtedly, infact all of them IMO. No animal other than man has ruined this planet like we have.

TJBM thinks humans should become extinct and let the animals have the planet.

Hmmmmmmmmm, no.
TJBM is happy for TJAM because the pineapple express is on its way!

True, I am happy for me, but..I am not happy I have to be out driving around all afternoon, I wish I could stay in and be cozy but alas, must do shit. lol

TJBM has shit to do.

Always.

TJBM is succinct.

No.

TJBM smells.

True. How did you know?

TJBM is helplessly watching things unfold.

Haha…aren’t we all? lol

TJBM must go out in a raging storm soon goodbye, if I do not return it’s been fun

No, but I have to brave freezing freezing cold every day. You finally get your rain @Coloma?

TJMB go what they asked for and now they’re gonna bitch about it!

Yeah! The temperature is up into the 40’s (F) now. I have to go and do some outside stuff!

TJBM is glad to be able to go outside,

Only for a minute at a time. It’s about 10 degrees here.

TJBM gets tired of all the bitchiness sometimes.

I haven’t experienced any bitchiness here in quite awhile if that’s what you mean.

TJBM is really leaving now, really, really…

I’m just arriving.

TJBM will post the current temperature and location of where they live.

5 Kelvin, in Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace
TJBM is not in SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE

I’ll never tell.
TJBM is a murdered.

A murdered? No, very much alive in the moment, unless my ghost is drinking this Corona. lol

TJBM gets daily videos of fun things from friends.

No. I find them myself. What I myself find is always the best.
TJBM find out a question/answer of them got modded today and is confused about what was wrong.

Nope.
TJBM will do the happy dance now.

A happy rain dance yes, it is pouring right now on us poor parched Californians. Yay!

TJBM heard that McGruff the crime dog actor was sentenced to 16 years in prison for growing a 1000 marijuana plants and having weapons and a grenade launcher. hahaha
The irony is hilarious.

No, never heard of the guy.
TJBM is going to name his favourite movie, that was well received by critics, but that utterly failed financially.

Uh, can’t think of one that meets your criteria in the moment.

TJBM likes 2 scoops of raisins in their raisin bran

That’s just gross, @Coloma! No!

TJBM likes two scoops of worms in their Cheerios.

False, but the geese would. lol

TJBM is s-l-o-w-l-y getting their poo together this morning.

V e r y s l o w l y.

One of these days TJBM is going to get something to eat.

Just had raisin bran. lol

TJBM has seen “The Ice Man” movie.

No I have not. But I am currently living it.

TJBM first saw Eddie Murphy on SNL in the 70’s. “Butt Wheat!!!”

True, the good ol’ days.

TJBM has dishpan hands

I haven’t heard that term in so long! No, not really.

TJBM can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan…..

I do not eat bacon.
TJBM loves delicious cake.

I do, I’m a sweet kinda gal.

TJBM eats things they find on the floor.

Eeewwwwwww! no
TJBM wants to be watering the lawn in shorts and one of those big, shady straw hats.

Hell no.
TJBM has tried to make one of Gordon Ramsay’s recipes.

Who’s Gordon Ramsay? Maybe the Gortons fisherman? lol

TJBM hates the buzzer on the dryer

I do not have a dryer.
TJBM was too slow.

^^^^TJBY waited for TJAM to be done, because I can’t hear her dryer from here.
TJBM can hear @Coloma‘s dryer no matter where they are.LOL

No, but I can hear her whining.
TJBM is a philistine.

False, are you?

TJBM has a strange affection for @ragingloli even if he/she mostly drive them nuts. lol

True, but never tell!
TJBM has a Philistine with a buzzer.

False, I have a Maytag with a freaking fog horn.

TJBM wishes upon stars

Not yet, but if the stars are Johnny Depp, or Bruno Mars, I’ll wish upon them, under them, between them.
TJBM just noticed some crap they gotta clean outta their toenails…..........eck!

No, I’ve had shoes on for hours.

TJBM is likes Girl Scout Cookies.

No joking about eating brownies!

No, they are poisoned.
TJBM has not mastered the art of basic grammar.

False, I am quite grammatically fluent, not perfect, but more than passable.
TJBM is planning on getting all their little duckies in a row today so they can have a couch potato stormy Sunday.

I do not keep ducks as pets. I keep them as food.
TJBM is going to be reincarnated as a tree.

Fine with me, preferably a Redwood then I can tower over everyone and live for 3,000 years.

TJBM wants to reincarnate as a mud puppy.

Sure. If I get to reincarnate, I’m good with mud puppy.

TJBM is raging about something.

All the time.
TJBM is drinking a very bitter smoothie.

False. That would make it a roughie.

TJBM has cold feet.

No, they are toasty warm in my fuzzy boots.

TJBM must go forth into the storm for supplies.

Hah. We’re prepared.
TJBM is always prepared.

True dat- I’m so prepared that when I heard there were sharks in the water, I wore a suit of armor to go swimming!

TJBM has never used the terms “Squaresville”, “boss”, or “outtasight”.

Right on man,,,,

TJBM is a tree hugging, mushroom gathering, pine cone eating outdoorsy type.

No. Remain indoors, and do not mention The Event.
TJBM caused The Event.

what event?
TJBM eats a bowl of Super Colon Blow cereal every morning.

WTF! lol

Um, no.

TJBM is bold

I am. Can be. I tend to be the opposing ‘force to be reckoned’ with. I do value “bold “over “timid”.

No, I’m little.
TJBM is TJBM.

Yes, I’m TJUY.

TJBM thinks that all of the planets (not just Uranus) should be given names indicating possession of a body part.

Okay! I could live on Myass, see Mightittees through a telescope, and hope to someday make a successful landing on Hizhar Drod.
TJBM would like to see Mightittees through a telescope.

If you insist….
TJBM often thinks about shaving off all of their hair.

No, because I’m not going to prison.
TJBM is very busy.

It’s midnight… My schedule is clear.
TJBM is going to prison.

I’m only going there so that I can have a free cell phone.

TJBM has seen the Northern Lights.

Yeah… wait, what light?
TJBM is not TJAM

true
TJBM has seen a blue police box fly by.

Wouldn’t admit it if I did.

TJBM has a “smart” phone that tries to correct “TJBM” as “THEM”.

No.
TJBM has prayed to Satan.

No, but sometimes you answer the questions I post. Does that count?
TJBM thinks I’m pretty funny.

You have an excess of hair follicles to be pretty in my book, but I’ll give you funny.

TJBM has one eyebrow.

True. Even better, I have another one, too!
TJBM is going to hell.

True…start weaving a handbasket for 2.

TJBM is a crafter.

Mmm..I am more of a designer. I’ll draw it, envision it, and let some else craft it from my design. I inherited my dads Architect brain and am uncannily accurate at visual measuring and being able to design something in my minds eye that usually results in a near perfect execution.

TJBM is imaginative.

Occasionally.
TJBM needs to replace a lightbulb.

I use candles.
TJBM has a hole in the knee of his swimsuit.

I always swim naked.

TJBM has a big huge bruise on their leg.

Not a bruise. A large patch of regenerated skin from a burn with boiling water.
TJBM favourite character is Candlejack from the cartoon fre

False favourite cartoon is animaniacs
TJBM like to think we all think he/she is crazy, but in reality leads a pretty simple if not boring life.

true
TJBM wants to see a rom-com with zombies.

Yes please.
TJBM has two moms.

Yup,my real one and my step mom.
TJBM has a dirty secret fantasy.

Not anymore, I’m in men-O-pause. I’d rather just sit and watch the rain. lol
TJBM likes sitting outside when it rains.

Rain and cold beer was my favorite pastime when I lived in a second floor apartment with a huge screened porch.

TJBM like to reminisce.

Sometimes.
TJBM is cuddling their pet.

Nope. My pets are sleeping outside in the trees. when they wake up I will toss some food out for them, and one will stare up at the window and wonder how to get in here where it’s warm. I would let the little cutie in, if I didn’t know what a frightened squirrel can do indoors.
TJBM would let the little furball in.

Only if someone else dressed it first. They’re not called tree rats for nothin.

TJBM enjoys eating wild game.

I really do,but the wife doesn’t.
TJBM like playing chess.
.

Yes I do, play with my son regularly.
TJBM will have their birthday in the first six months of the year.

False, just had my B-Day on Dec. 26. :-)

TJBM is in a funk today.

I’m not sure yet. I just woke up.
TJBM does not like high winds.

False, I love big winds as long as no trees fall on my house.

TJBM is having the Monday morning blues….bah!

Not the blues as much as the blahs!
Probably need more coffee. That’s it! More coffee!

TJBM is fluthering in procrastination.

No doubt about it, but must get going now…pffft! lol

TJBM wants two tickets to paradise. I’ll settle for one, one way. haha

@Coloma Pack your bags, we’ll leave tonight!

TJBM’s favorite song keeps changing.

Constantly. King of the Road entertains me regularly.

TJBM is capable of playing 2 songs and carrying on a thought thread in their head at the same time.

nope
TJBM is tripping on LDS right now.

False, not since about 1978. lol
@Yetanotheruser Lets go…meet you at SFO! haha

TJBM has wet hair and cold feet.

My feet are warm, and my hair will be wet after breakfast.
TJBM doesn’t skip breakfast.

Only when I’m in a hurry to get to the airport!

TJBM has at one point wasted half a day dreaming.

False. I believe I have spent more than half a day dreaming, on innumerable occasions.

TJBM has a cash stash.

I do? Where is it?

TJBM knows if there is a difference between “creationism” and “literalism”.

I do not, but I don’t buy into creationism, I think everything is random evolution. I could just as easily been born a Horse as a human, my DNA is just arranged a little differently that’s all. haha

TJBM prefers eastern philosophy over western religion.

True. More positive. But it’s most likely all bunk.

TJBM is adept at spotting pure bunk.

Not all the time,but yeah sure most times can pick right up on it.
TJBM has 4 working computers in their home right now.

False. I have 2 (wish 3) right now.

OOPPSIE @ibstubro tag your IT !

TJBM forgot that this is TJBM game.

No
TJBM likes Fluther, otherwise why the fuck are you here?

I enjoy it.
TJBM likes to say fuck.

No, but I like to say “shit” and “hell”.
TJBM is an antifan of swearing.

No, I just like to fuck
TJBM has a favourite colour & will now share that information with us.

Silver.
TJBM is curious about @ucme‘s avatar…

Yeah, it’s got me thinking
TJBM thinks Alaska is cool

Maybe…
TJBM is sleeping.

Of course not, don’t be silly
TJBM owns at least five pairs of shoes.

I have 2.
TJBM has eaten a dog.

True! A dog’s meat and a good bottle of wine… what a perfect combination.
Just kidding. I haven’t eaten a dog, but some people in my country do.
TJBM have a unique fashion style.

That I does- I sold Lady GagGag my meat suit so she could wear it for her last release!

TJBM has never been married.

False. This is my husband.
TJBM is jealous of me for having such a cool husband!

So true! He was a lot of banan appeal!

TJBM has been married to members of various food groups?

nope
TJBM wants to speak Dutch.

No, I prefer Japanese.
TJBM is interested in learning a foreign language in general.

I have studied several (Latin, Greek, Spanish) and know a few words in others. I think it would be a challenge to learn one that is not in the romance, grecian or balto-slavic subfamily.

TJBM is multi-lingual

Only 2, because I am too lazy to learn another one.
TJBM speaks Klingon.

False, Star Trek is stupid, Klingons are stupid, I didn’t like that show in the 60’s and cannot fathom all the Trekkies obsession with stupid. lol

TJBM thinks Star Trek is stupid.

False. Star Trek was a great show, despite William Shatner’s contribution. Live long and prosper.

TJBM has cold hands and a warm heart.

Hands, depends on the weather. Heart, depends on the person with whom I’m interacting.

TJBM is grateful for better weather.

I love the snow and cold. Even more so when I’m warm and toasty.

TJBM is grateful for a toasty warm bed.

I love my bed.

TJBM is listening to a baby scream and has no idea what is wrong with her.

False, just the mass shrieking of Scrub Jays claiming breeding territories. haha

TJBM had a ham sandwich for lunch.

No, I had Goulash.
TJBM never ate real food, because he lives in the colonies.

False. I do live in “the colonies” if you’re referring to the US and I have eaten both meat and veggies which I have had a hand in producing, so I know the source and the supply chain. Sadly, that cannot be said of all consumers, either here or across either pond.

TJBM is aware of where their food comes from.

Sure ,from the friendly neighbourhood chemical company,nothing as good as those down home processed foods,and they have an extra long shelf life as well ,it’s all win,win.
TJBM takes life with a grain of salt.

No, I take life with a jar of sugar.
TJBM is drinking coffee.

No, I am Bear Grylls.
TJBM knows the reference.

No.
TJBM knows what TJAM is talking about.

False I never have a clue what that one is going on about.
TJBM has a habit of over complicating things.

Sometimes. But usually I’m the one standing there saying, “But, the Emperor has no clothes on! Yo, buddy, you wanna put a sock on that thing???”

TJBM remembers almost all the fables they were told as a child.

I don’t…
TJBM has seen Oblivion.

I watched the first half an hour, it deserved maybe 15/20mins, load of shite.
TJBM has no plans to visit the cinema anytime soon

No. There’s no good film on :(
TJBM is they kick ass!

No, but I’ve been kicked by an ass.

TJBM has been south of the equator.

HE WASN’T SUPPOSED TO TELL!
TJBM has seen Soylent Green (sp?), and is convinced that’s what breakfast cereals are made of, actually.

No. I has never seen any Soylent Green, and I don’t care what breakfast cereals are made of, as long as they are tasty.
TJBM is planning to go away somewhere * dirty smile :D *

I spend most of my time away somewhere. Oh, if only my body could join my wandering mind!
TJBM has had an encounter which involved a length of rope, chocolate syrup, clothespins, and a toothbrush. Please give the details!

Last night I found out that my newly bought chocolate syrup was sour. Then mom asked me where her clothespins were. I said I didn’t know but she didn’t believe me. Disappointed about life, I decided to commit suicide using a length of rope. Just as I was looking for the rope I found my brother’s toothbrush under the bed. My brother who stood behind me right after that thought I was the one who stole it and we had a big fight. My father came in and confessed to my brother that he was the one who hided it because he wanted my brother to grow out of such a childish toothbrush. My brother got angry and fought with my father. I stood there and laughed so hard that I forgot that I had to commit suicide.

TJBM thinks this story is a masterpiece!

I think your story deserves the Ho Chi Minh People’s Prize for Litterchair!

TJBM still has their tonsils.

True,not bad for someone damn near 50.
TJBM has been called a prude once or twice in their life.

@Brian1946 How the hell do you know so much about Vietnam?
Never. Maybe not now.
TJBM thinks @Brian1946 is actually a Vietnamese.

False, maybe a veteran.

TJBM has a giant coffee mug with orange flowers on it.

½ true. I do have orange flowers, but on a giant coffee cup.
TJBM is bored and want to do something not safe for work.

@Mimishu1995 Our media reported a steady stream of information about Vietnam during the Vietnam war, from about 1965 to 1975.

I have too much on my plate to get bored. Speaking of plates, I’m hungry and I’m retired, so even if eating is NSFW, I’m going to eat anyway.

TJBM knows someone whose last name is Nguyen.

@Brian1946 That’s news to me… But did the media really report some trivial things like Ho Chi Minh People’s Prize or how to pronoun the surname Nguyen?
Yeah, a lot. How about Mr. Nguyen Ha Dong (the author of Flappy Bird)?
TJBM think this is what a hitman does (abduct people then hit them).

Nah, I know whadda hitman duz. My brudda in Chi-ca-ga wuz a hitman!

TJBM has been to Chi-ca-ga.

Only at the air port on a layover.
TJBM would love to visit the west coast of Canada.

True. During the summer. I’ve not even been to the north-west US coast yet.

TJBM is a little slow this morn.

@Mimishu1995 Although the US media reported about Ho Chi Minh during the war, they never said anything about the People’s Litterchair Prize- I made that up. ;-p I learned how to pronounce Nguyen from my doctor: it’s her surname.

True. My allergies make waking up take about 2 hours. haha

TJBM is not a morning person.

I love the sunrise! I love it most of all if it comes at the end of my day.

TJBM is really a night person in disguise.

Yes, she really is! But then she hates herself for sleeping until 10:00 the next morning.

TJBM feels like having gotten up and gotten some breakfast is enough productivity for one day.

Yes. I jacked up my back, so I’m trying not to move around too much today.
TJBM has a bad back.

M….not really. I do need to be in better shape and that would help.

TJBM is babysitting a slightly special needs kid who’s acting a lot more helpless than he really is.

No, but I’m not unfamiliar with the behavior. And not only from kids…LOL

TJBM knows what’s for dinner

Baked potato and fish. No avocado, since my daughter ate the last one and didn’t say anything. Maybe some corn, jury is still out on that one.
(Coloma, I think I heard your dryer go off a little bit ago.)
TJBM is a pretty fair bellydancer.

God no.
TJBM was once so tired that she wanted to die.

Not wanted to, more like thought I would just cease to live because breathing took more effort than I thought I could manage.
TJBM can levitate.

I can escalatorate and even elevatorate. Break out the Monopoly game, and I’ll leap some buildings for you.

TJBM curses like a #@*!$ cartoon character.

@Brian1946 Woa, for a moment I thought Ho Chi Minh People Award was the accurate translation of that award.
Actually, there is an award bearing Ho Chi Minh’s name in Vietnam. It’s for anyone with considerable contribution to almost any aspects of the country.
And I already know Litterchair is your invention :)

TJBM can’t think of any statement with “TJBM”

TJBM curses like a #@*!$ cartoon character.

Nope, cartoon characters don’t use “shit” and “goddamned” often.
TJBM know what #@*!$ really stands for…

Yes: it stands for poundatasteriskexclamationpointdollars.

TJBM has swum in the South China Sea.

No. Is it special? Perhaps I should add it to my bucket list?
(Mimishu1995, $#%#$# is just a random cluster of nonsense,commonly understood to be foul language, used in case it should be viewed by gentle minds, such as children.)
TJBM let’s their partner sleep on the wet spot.

I don’t really have that dilemma these days, I like being single. I guess that means I sleep in my own wet spot. lolol

TJBM wears polka dot underwear.

I do not own any polka dot undies.
TJBM does not wear underwear.

You peeked! So that’s why you’re upside down, to look up my skirt!
TJBM is afraid they will have to go to a hospital sometime when they have on raggedy undies.

Wrong. I am worried they would find out that I am from spaaaaaaaaaaaace.
TJBM remembers when /b/ was good.

What /b/? Brain? Yeah, I befriend with a zombie and he let me taste a brain once. It was super good!
TJBM want to eat LITERALLY EVERYTHING!

I am hungry, but I’m not really the Langolier that the lies of some bigots claim that I am.

TJBM is fluent in more than one language.

False. Foreign languages are Greek to me.

TJBM has a lot of brass.

I have brass knuckles if you piss me off. haha

TJBM hates forced birthday celebrations for people they don’t really care about, like co-workers.

I do. I don’t like big wild birthday parties period.

TJBM is really REALLY angry at their state right now.

I am REALLY ANGRY!
While you were still learning how to SPELL YOUR NAME, I was being trained to CONQUER GALAXIES!
TJBM was not trained to conquer galaxies.

Hell no,I do all my battles just trying to stay alive on the freaking highway.
TJBM like a bowl of Cherios as a midnight snack.

Sometimes, last night was M&M peanuts. haha

TJBM hates their job.

No, ever since I retired, I love spending my kids’ inheritance!

TJBM has had the second cup this morning.

No coffee for me. Makes my heart palpitate.

TJBM is a biscuit eater.

I am a Totalbiscuit eater.
TJBM has no idea who that is.

I have an idea. You’re talking about John Bain!

TJBM knows something no one else knows.

I do. haha

TJBM is hungry NOW!

No, just finished a burrito from last night!

TJBM has the television on just for background noise.

Nope. Got the twins here for back ground noise. :D

TJBM is happy now.

Relatively. It’s a tropical heat wave today…supposed to break 40°!

TJBM eats at ________ just for the ________!

mcdonalds, diarrhea
TJBM wants to assassinate the presiserp of unitinu, barab obabo

False, I wouldn’t want the job and think he is doing his best.

TJBM would never want to be in politics.

VERY,VERY TRUE!
TJBM Has never heard of five pin bowling.

True, I have not. I am a failure with balls of all kinds, but could decorate your house like a Beverley Hills mansion. Decorate your own bowling ally. lol

TJBM is going to big birthday party today.

Doh. I subbuzd uh go tuh parent teacher compens, but I gobba bad cobe. I dot go anybare tudday.
DJBB habz a cobe doo.

No cold here, just chilly and breezy outside.
Sorry you’re not feeling well^^^.

TJBM has a friend at local Police Department.

I am not friends with criminals.
TJBM is a communist.

Hey! @Coloma, YOUR DRYER IS DONE, DEAR!
Nope. No communists here. Just miserable girls and hungry squirrels.
TJBM has decided it might be fun to give belly dancing a try. :P

@Tropical_Willie, Thanks for the sentiment. Glad I can do this without spreading my cold to any of you.

False. I only ever knew one belly dancer, and she was neither pretty nor young. Her favorite drinks were Slippery Nipple [sly grin] and Sex on the Beach [titter]. Worse yet, she considered herself a sexy rebel.

Short story for @Jonesn4burgers

TJBM tells great bedtime stories.

Of course! The audience is always my stuff bear.
TJBM have a stuff animal friend.

Lots. Really cool ones.
TJBM has an inflatable friend.

no way
TJBM wants to see @ragingloli and @Coloma locked together in the same room.

I think @ragingloli IS @Coloma, just for the frick of playing with dual personalities and fooling us all.
TJBM has said “Happy birthday ” to Colin, the little guy on FB with no friends.

Why has little Colin no friends?

TJBM Opens minds.

@ibstubro, forgive my spelling on this. I thought most of Fluther already knew, especially you. You always seem to have human interest current events way ahead of me. Colin will be 11 on March 9. He has Asberger’s. The kids at school are so mean about not associating with him, he eats his lunches in the school office. :( He told his mom not to bother planning a birthday party, because nobody likes him. I can’t see my screen, I’m crying. I wish I could set a link, I don’t know how. They are beyond 1½ million messages, worldwide. He has a beautiful smile, a very loving mom. I said so in my birthday message. His mom is planning to surprise him on his birthday with the responses.
So, does this qualify as opening minds?
TJBM is going to cry when they find the FB site for Colin too. It’s a given.

What? Who’s Colon? I don’t do FB anymore.

TJBM loves frosted mini-wheats cereal.

(I just jumped over to FB. Note there from mom that his diagnisis was not given by her, and that someone else posted Asberger’s. You can type in Happy Birthdy Colin on the FB search and it comes up)

I don’t FB either, but I think the outpouring of support is great!

True, I like to eat frosted mini wheats dry as a sweet alternative to Triscuits.

TJBM is a snackaholic.

Comes and goes, mostly comes. I have a sweet tooth and have to have a little sugar every night after dinner.

TJBM is tired this morning.

Very tired.

TJBM got something for Valentine’s Day.

I did, a giant bag of candy hearts and some orange tulips.

TJBM loves Tulips.

Sure.
TJBM has ink.

No, but I’m thinking about it.

TJBM thinks unionization of the Volkswagen plant in Tennessee would be a good thing.

I certainly do, especially because Volkswagen ”...has tacitly endorsed…” the UAW’s efforts.

TJBM can name a jelly or two who lives in Asia.

Nope.
TJBM knows that bacon is disgusting.

I do know it, but not on jalapeno poppers!

TJBM knows that the whole world is disgusting and should be eliminated.

Um.. no..I think there is more good than disgusting in the world.

TJBM is an optimist.

Generally, yes. I’m always looking for good, and for solutions when there’s bad.

TJBM has a pretty smile.

More like a shiteating grin.
TJBM has trolled a pig cop once or more.

Used to be one of my best features. I looked like Farrah Fawcett.

TJBM is satisfied with the way the look.

No, I am trying to drop some extra pounds. Have lost 4 only 14 to go okay, maybe 20ish. lol

TJBM is drinking water

That is correct! Ten points!
TJBM wants ten points too.

Yes! May I have my points, please?

TJBM is fluthering instead of “valentining”.

I just gave my daughter a valentine. 30 minutes before midnight, so it counts!

TJBM stay up too late Valentining last night.

Nah..I’m not attached to most holiday hoopla.

TJBM makes a mean Lasagne.

You do not want to get me on the topic of lasagne, since you’re on a diet. Suffice it to say that whipping cream thickened with Romano cheese, real crap meat, shrimp, scallops portabella mushrooms and pasta baked to bubbly brown deliciousness can not be beat. Impossible to re-heat, as the butter separated and the rest of the ingredients floated in it. Thank gourd for crusty bread. :D

TJBM can be amusingly evil.

True, check mate! lol

TJBM has a secret room in their house.

The only secret room is the one in my head.

TJBM keeps secrets from the SO

No SO, but no, I am an open book, secrets destroy intimacy, hence why I divorced my ex.

TJBM is an open book.

Shit yeah,I keep nothing from Mrs Squeeky.
TJBM would like to run over a coworker if they could get away with it.

True- all cow orkers deserve to die!

TJBM lives in a celebrity-free zone, or at least uses a celebrity-repellant when they go out.

Ork a cow go to prison.

Haha…I do, although I ran into Bruce Willis once some years ago at my local country store/feed place while he was looking at ranch properties in my area.

TJBM is going to have a lazy Saturday and Sunday.

NOT because I wanted one,my lead trailer broke down and wont be ready till monday.
TJBM like VODKA over whiskey.

False, that sounds disgusting. Maybe a shot of whiskey in an ice cold beer.

TJBM thinks Fluther is fluttering a bit slow today/lately.

Hey you guys, they ALL sound disgusting! Gimme some champagne with raspberries please.l

Perhaps, but hey, I’m popping in now and then, what more do you want? lol

TJBM wants more.

I want less, because the less Fluthertivity there is, the less I procrastinate.

TJBM can think of another meaning for TJBM besides The Jelly Below Me.

Titanic Jets of Black Mucus
The John’s Blonde Member
Texas Jack’s Black Moccasin
Titanium Jocks Block Mutilation
Turtle Jellies Bizarre Mutations
Nah, not really.

TJBM admits to picking their nose.

What is a nose?
TJBM sometimes scratches their cloaca.

Of course don’t you?

TJBM knows what animal species “Cloaca & Vent” are applied to?

Nah, as a near southern American, I disavow knowledge of any bird’s private parts.

TJBM loves jelly beans.

Mmm…no. Unless they are coconut flavored.

TJBM likes garlic stuffed olives.

I’ve never had them, but I think I’d like them.

TJBM can name someone of the same sex whom they love.

My daughter Emily. :-)

TJBM has a daughter.

No, I’m a daughter.
TJBM want to troll :)

Occasionally.
TJBM is having a wonderful day, and will tell us about it.

I don’t know yet, still having my 1st cup of coffee and trying to become conscious. lol

TJBM has only been awake for about 30 minutes.

nope, up for a while.
TJBM is staying in today.

Possibly, depends on the weather. If it gets cloudier and rains yes, if it is sunny I’m going out.

TJBM just had a sneezing fit.

Nope. I only sneeze in other people’s faces, and I am alone right now.
TJBM intentionally stabs random people with HIV infested syringes.

Uh NO, ^^ and you still worry me!^^
TJBM wants french toast for breakfast.

too late for me
TJBM thinks that @ragingloli needs serious help.

True….in a league of their own fer sure.

TJBM is still fluthering in their jammies at 10:03. lol

Wrong, it is 19:05, and I am fully dressed.
TJBM does not even begin to grasp the full depth of my abyss.

True….40,000 leagues under the asylum.

TJBM needs to commit themselves.

I need to commit myself to look for you, to find you and to…
I will let that be a surprise.
TJBM will be found.

Hahaha….come on over, the doors open, find me if you can. lol

TJBM has a headache.

Yes, but she’s not here now. ;-)

TJBM wouldn’t go to the Olympics in Sochi, Russia (about 900 air miles from Chernobyl), unless they were paid mucho money.

No, I wouldn’t just because I don’t think I’d be interested in seeing Russia.

TJBM is listening to the deafening sound of a quiet house, and missing one year old giggles and messes.

… No. But the house is silent. Which I enjoy.
TJBM enjoys their alone time.

I do like being alone, guess that’s why I’m a truck driver.
TJBM wants a good stiff drink.

False. I had a few beers last night.

TJBM is having a few beers now.

no
TJBM is an alcoholic

False. I am a pretty lite drinker.

TJBM has french bread.

Excuse me I’bb had a few martunis—-
I don’t think I had a French Broad but maybe a Swiss Miss.

TJBM like hot cocoa.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeah!
TJBM is hungry.

All the time.
TJBM eats a lot.

They don’t call me “The pig” for nothing.
TJBM has a bad nickname.

Some people call me Lurley, or Pendy…
TJBM doesn’t have any nicknames at all. :(

Oh yeah,Squeeky is my real life nickname.
TJBM is hoping to get lucky tonight.

False. I’m a lucky morning kinda person.

TJBM is a pin ball lizard.

False, I’m a pin ball cheese.
TJBM is infected by lurve-me virus.

False, I became immune when I got married.

TJBM has visited another country.

Several. It has been over 70 years ago, though, and we travelled in a group.
TJBM fought in the Napoleonic wars..

….

TJBM isn’t that old either.

False, I believe I am Fibonacci’s afterlife.
TJBM believes in ghosts.

False.

TJBM beleives in the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Not personally, but I respect all religious beliefs, whether or not it makes sense to me

TJBM is doing something outside today.

More than likely.

TJBM has evil allergies.

True,super allergic to grain dust.
TJBM has a co-worker that they wish would go-away.

Now that I’m retired, my co-worker would be my wife. I don’t want her to go away. usually…

Pokes @Yetanotheruser

Not for me, I’m married.
TJBM Always wanted to be a sword carrying pirate.AARRrrrr!

Mmm…no, I’d like to be a stand up comic or a published writer though.

TJBM has to do something they do not want to do today.

True- I have to write checks to pay my bills.

TJBM suspects that @SQUEEKY2 has a very unlikeable coworker.

That would be very true,do you know a good spot to hide a body?
TJBM likes stuffed mushrooms,and garlic.

yep
TJBM likes Jalapeños on their potato chips.

Not so much, thanks.

TJBM is the Queen/King of Procrastination.

I can be yes, especially paperwork of any kind. I hate paperwork.
TJBM hates paperwork with a passion.

False. I like paperwork. And I like tests.

TJBM likes tests, too.

No. If I had a wish, I would wish all the tests would disappear!
TJBM hate tests the way I do.

Yes, I hate tests and all bureaucratic bullshit paperwork. lol

TJBM plans on dying with a persian rug and a palm tree only.

Probably not. When I die, I hope to take several others with me. ;-P
TJBM thinks all @ragingloli needs is to be cuddled and rocked to sleep in a big, warm blankie, and things would look much brighter.

Doesn’t everybody? Group hug!

TJBM can’t sleep tonight.

False. I feel like I can sleep for 24 hours tonight!
TJBM want to sleep.

Yep, I’d like to sleep.. lately I’m not very good at it, but I sure would like to sleep.

TJBM has a busy day ahead.

True. But I’m slow getting at it.

TJBM has a busy night ahead.

Psh! If only.
TJBM is also having temps near 60 today!

Nope, just 6 degrees.
TJBM is burning through toilet paper like a priest through choirboys.