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Is my husband justified to still be upset about my actions 3 years ago when I am now more stable?
Important detail: I have bipolar type 1
3 years ago I became so manic that I was delusional. I was psychotic and didn’t know what was real at times. One Sunday I went up to Silver Lake and found a solitary place to go take my break from this mortal existence (I’m surprised no one found me because it was busy that day).
I opened my bag and there was no knife! I let out a scream of “Oh God I want to die!” I don’t know how long I was there crying and praying and begging for mercy. I finally calmed down and got the strength and enough mental awareness to get me home. And I confessed everything to my husband. And he had me in a inpatient psychiatric hospital in less than 36 hours.
I’m now stable, and he’s still upset with me. He winces every time I tell him I want to take a walk, or a hike. So I stopped exercising outside the house, then he asks why I don’t take a walk and I tell him he freaks out every time I do and he said that he freaks out because the only time I really want to walk is when I’m struggling. He told me that he keeps thinking of the what if’s in the future. He’s still mad at me that I didn’t (and some times don’t) think about him and the children and what my actions would do to them.
I’ve apologized! A million times! It’s been 3 years and I have been stable with the regular swings and he still can’t let it go. I’m here, I’m better, I’m loving my family with zeal, why is he still mad? What am I missing? Sorry this was so long.