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keobooks's avatar

Have you been a long-term long distance relationship? Would you be willing to be in one?

Asked by keobooks (12466 points ) February 16th, 2014

I recently got back into contact with an old friend who I hadn’t spoken to in 7 or 8 years. At that time, he had just started dating this woman in the UK. He lived in Michigan, US. I had assumed that they were a great couple together, but the distance would kill the relationship. After all these years, they are still together, but they still live an ocean apart from each other.

One advantage they have is that they are self employed and have very mobile jobs. He is an illustrator and she’s a writer. They can easily spend several months at a time together in one place. He may spend 4 months with her, then she spends 3 months with him. Sometimes they go traveling to a neutral location in Europe, North or South America. They spend 2–4 months of the year apart. They have no intention of moving to the same location and never plan to marry. But they do intend to be together for a very long time.

It sounds glamorous, but very stressful to me. Of course, I am a total sloth and I would be far to lazy to keep up a relationship that required so much travel. They seem to have a good thing going, though.

I was just wondering if anyone else has had such a relationship, or would be open to being in such a relationship. I’d like to hear stories!

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9 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

I haven’t been, but I am willing to be in a bit of one, which would mean one of us driving a couple hours each way each weekend.

I was involved with a woman I love very much, and a job opportunity came up that was way beyond what she could earn around here. Our relationship was at an awkward stage, and so we both moved on, but remain very close and see each other once or twice a month. And the distance has in some ways brought us closer.

I’d marry her now knowing we couldn’t live together for at least five or six years.

jerv's avatar

For the first 4 years my wife and I were together, we rarely saw each other. She lived on the East coast, I was stationed on teh West coast, and the Navy wasn’t exactly generous about granting leave.

We’ve been together for ~20 years, and married for 13 of them.

livelaughlove21's avatar

No and no. I wouldn’t have any interest in a long distance relationship.

Mimishu1995's avatar

Does my long-term relationship with Fluther count?

JLeslie's avatar

My husband lived in Bogata for 9 months at the beginning of our marriage. I think we had been married around 3–4 years at the time. I saw him once a month for a long weekend. I wouldn’t want to do it for more than a year. If it was some sort of opportunity, maybe a job opportunity and the other person didn’t want to make the move until they knew it would work out, or because the stint was so temporary, then I think it can make sense. There are other reasons it can make sense.

keobooks's avatar

I think it works for them because they have always loved to travel. They’ve also never wanted kids and she’s past child bearing age now. If they had kids this would be a really tough relationship, I think.

Me, I love to travel, but not THAT much. I also have always wanted kids and now I have one. So if anything happened to my husband, I’d still skip a long distance thing.

Juels's avatar

The closest I’ve come to a long distance relationship was my husband being deployed for 6 months (Navy). It was horrible. I never want to do that again (but I would for him). My hubby recently switched to second shift and that has been difficult. We’re not the clingy-sappy type, but I really miss him in the evenings. If I was contemplating a new relationship that would be long distance, I doubt I would give it a chance.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Tried, didn’t work. I’m too needy or I used to be anyway.

Seaofclouds's avatar

My husband and I were in a long distance relation and long distance marriage for a while. Our distance has varied over the years and throughout our relationship. When we first started dating, we lived about 3 hours apart (driving). Then, about 6 months into our relationship, he moved away (Army) and it was then about 3 hours apart (flying). Then about 3 months after that, he moved again, 4 hours flying then. We got married while living 4 hours apart (by plane) and stayed that way for the first 4 months of our marriage.

Then, about 2 years into our marriage, he was deployed to Iraq for a year. Since his return from Iraq, we have not lived apart.

It worked for us because we both wanted it to. Would I do it again? It completely depends on the situation.

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