Social Question

kevbo's avatar

Do you know about the "precarious couple effect" and has it affected you personally?

Asked by kevbo (24167 points ) February 17th, 2014 from iPhone

I suppose it’s one of those more or less commonsense facts of life that psychology has given a name, but damn if it doesn’t explain my parents’ relationship as well as my sister and bro-in-law, not to mention some of my lack of success in relationships. Yikes!

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13 Answers

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Can you add some details as to what is is suppose to do or be?

Brian1946's avatar

The OP provided details in the form of a link at the bottom of the question.

Cruiser's avatar

Sort of. I am aware men and women articulate information quite differently. 4 years ago I came across the book Men Are Like Waffles-Women Are Like Spaghetti: Understanding and Delighting in Your Differences and came to realize that all this time my wife was simply different than me in how she would articulate information to me. Once I realized this difference, I find we actually have less conflicts in our conversations.

dougiedawg's avatar

I went for the quiet, verbally inhibited type and most of the marriage seemed like a power struggle from beginning to end.
We’ve maintained a bond in spite of the dysfunctions of the past but now there is a healthy balance with my current partner who is much more like myself and we both feel fortunate to have found each other after surviving years of drama brought on by being with incompatible partners. Live and learn, eh?

Juels's avatar

I knew two couples with this problem. I would feel embarrassed on their behalf when their spouses would tear into them in public. Both couples divorced years ago. One of them remarried a few years later. His new wife is a much better match for his personality.

Kropotkin's avatar

I’ve only known about this effect from a variety of British sit-coms.

Skaggfacemutt's avatar

Interesting article. I can’t really relate, as the men in my family are not quiet or verbally inhibited. Neither are the women, for that matter.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I’d never heard of it, but I never had to deal with it in my life either.

Skaggfacemutt's avatar

@Kropotkin “Keeping up Appearances” comes to mind…

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

It would seem that these couples would be able to smell trouble from a hundred miles away. So why do these couples get involved in the first place?
We can boil it all down to one thing, lust; self-seeking pleasure, that is why.

This syndrome has not affected me because I have a spine in the relationship, and know what the order of things should be; and if not, I am gone from there.

Dutchess_III's avatar

You mean you’re in charge @Hypocrisy_Central, end of story?

Skaggfacemutt's avatar

I don’t know that this is a problem in the majority of couples. Most people stand up for themselves (men or women) and don’t allow themselves to be a floor mat. Those that do are bound to be taken advantage of.

Dutchess_III's avatar

My dad wasn’t over bearing, but my Mother definitely allowed her self to be pushed around and made to do things she didn’t want to do. Like, they built this house. Mom spent the next 13 years bitching about how much she hated that house,.
I asked her why she didn’t speak up when they were in the planning stages and she had no answer. Or said “It wouldn’t have mattered anyway, nobody listens to me,” or something to that effect.

It got to be really bad news as she got older and my sister began manipulating her in SO many ways, medically, financially, personally, you name it. She used the crap out of my mom then threw her away.

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