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confused242's avatar

5 year relationship?

Asked by confused242 (4 points ) February 23rd, 2014 from iPhone

I have been in a relationship for 5 years. in the beginning I had a problem with his ex. she ended up telling me just wait till you get him mad. this thought has always been on my mind. I started to see when he got mad he would get increasingly aggressive towards me verbally. I am the type of person who
used to be aggressive back but now I have changed. I just listen to the words and try to calm the situation down by comforting him. I don’t like to agrie since it always escalates. It got to the point where he has put his hands on me. after he does this he tells me it’s all my fault and naked me feel horrible and I end up appologizing. I know it’s not the right thing to so but I’m scared of loosing him. I know I am subjecting myself to this but I really do love him and he is a great guy outside of our arguments. the worst part is that he now is an officer and I’m afraid to call the police on him because I don’t want him to loose his job. I always find myself feeling guilty about every fight. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

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2 Answers

Coloma's avatar

If you are afraid of upsetting him, and he is shifting the blame to you and yet you are afraid of losing him, well…you are being emotionally abused, controlled and your fears are based on him keeping you in the one down position.
This does not sound healthy at all, and…he is in law enforcement so you both think he is above reproach for his behaviors? Not good, not good at all.
Abusers count on intimidating their victims into silence.

If he abuses you and you call the authorities and he loses his job, well…he did that to himself. Consequences.
You need counseling to build your self esteem up and to label his behavior for what it is, abuse!

gailcalled's avatar

Describe a clearly abusive relationship:

1) ...he would get increasingly agressive towards me verbally

2) ...I try to calm the situation down by comforting him

3) ...it always escalates

4) ...he has put his hands on me…

5) ...he tells me it’s all my fault, makes me feel horrible and I end up apologizing

6)... I know it’s not the right thing to do

7) ..he is a great guy outside of our arguments.

8) ...I’m afraid to call the police because (lists spurious reasons)

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