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XOIIO's avatar

(NSFW) Women, what would you think of a guy who is extremely inexperienced sexually?

Asked by XOIIO (16804 points ) March 2nd, 2014

Another question I would have asked on a fake account if I hadn’t stopped caring about pretty much everything.

I have virtually no confidence, in part because I am not “handsome”, I am not physically attractive, and because of my extreme lack of sexual experience.

It has been around four years now, maybe more, maybe a bit less, since I had intercourse for the first and only time, no other sexual activity, not even a kiss. If there is a point where you get virginity back I am pretty sure I have hit it.

It is extremely unlikely, and when I say extremely I mean you probably have better odds of being hit by lightning, that I will have a relationship again, if I do it will be a long time from now I’m sure, so I am wondering, from a woman’s point of view, what would you think of someone who has had no contact with the opposite sex in a situation that was either sex, or just attraction (making out or whatever else fits in that category), and no relationship (though that’s a given) for four years? How about six, or eight, or ten years?

I figure it just compounds my problem, that if by some strange freak of nature event someone does actually get interested, they will probably think it is extremely weird, if not, I know for sure I will not be able to satisfy them sexually for a bit until I become accustomed to the physical stimulus sex gives. (in other words not being able to last long).

So, discuss, give your opinions, and if you think a few weeks or a couple months is a long dry spell, you haven’t seen anything.

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32 Answers

talljasperman's avatar

12 years since I’ve had a date…even Vulcans are getting more than me. PonFar once every seven years. I’ve not pursued anyone anyway.

XOIIO's avatar

@talljasperman Lol, if nerds ran the world I bet they would try to make PonFar mandatory

talljasperman's avatar

@XOIIO I’m always living under rules that prohibit dating… School, university, social housing, mom’s house…

Symbeline's avatar

It wouldn’t matter to me if I loved the guy I was with. In fact if I was in that scenario, I’d be happy to teach him what experience I have, and I’d enjoy seeing his experience build up as our relationship chugs along. We could learn together, and that’s an experience that the media and society’s standards can’t really compare with, yeah? Least I think so, and that’s not just because the best orgasms I’ve had were given to me by myself haha.
That said I don’t have much experience in the sack either, but I dated a man for four years who showed me that learning is awesome. Just got to keep an open mind, and hope the person you’re with doesn’t think that sex is a contest. It’s a thing to be shared between the two, whether you’re making sweet passionate love, or just fucking like frozen pigs trying to get warm.

Brian1946's avatar

@talljasperman @XOIIO

You dudes up for some frozen-pig sex? ;-)

XOIIO's avatar

@Brian1946 lol, it’s -26 c here not counting windchill,, I imagine quite a few people around town are doing that. (though maybe not right now, it’s 2 am.)

Symbeline's avatar

isn’t 2 am a good fucking time?

XOIIO's avatar

@Symbeline I wouldn’t know.

You expect me to know what people around my age do? For all I know they are all in a giant cult.

Symbeline's avatar

According to some neighbors up in this bitch, it is anyway. They prolly are in some kinda cult too.

talljasperman's avatar

@Brian1946 No… I want my first time to be special.

XOIIO's avatar

@talljasperman Come on, everyone’s doing it, it’s no big deal, this barn is special enough, just shovel the horse manure away, lay down some straw, it’s great.

talljasperman's avatar

@XOIIO No thanks. I’m waiting for the one who got away to come back.

Jonesn4burgers's avatar

A man with little or no experience is way more appealing to me than a man who has done all sorts of stuff with women, and never experienced the love or romance which makes it so worth the doing. Those kind get bored, and start experimenting with all kinds of stuff.

I won’t go into details, but I’ve had some variety. Lack of experience is not a deal killer. How you carry it in your luggage does matter. Nobody likes pathetic, so you don’t want to go with the, “You don’t want me, I’m a loser” line. When you have an encounter which shows some promise, communicate, not complain. Express that you feel intimidated by a lack of experience for the mysteries of coupling and gratification.
Not all partners are going to be the same anyway, so you could have been around quite a bit, and still benefit from asking a potential partner what works for them. You can make a game of it, leaving a question somewhere, (with your partner knowing in advance about the game.) and then she puts an answer somewhere else, with a question of her own. The game could go on for years, advancing and becomming a real adventure. You could use homemade fortune cookies, codes, play bossy teacher timid student games. There are women out there who would bid to cultivate a partner made to order. Just be careful not to cross the line into perv if you feel either of you might not be down for that.
Inexperience doesn’t have to be a curse. Be nice, be available (emotionally), and be patient.
In the meantime, remember to switch left and right sometimes.

marinelife's avatar

Experience does not matter that much—not as much as caring.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@XOIIO It isn’t the notches on the bedpost. It’s the notches in the heart.

stanleybmanly's avatar

It’s easy and useless to tell you not to worry about it, because you will anyway. But trust me when I tell you that there are plenty of women out there looking for a “trainee” that they can tell and teach how to make a woman “happy”.

GloPro's avatar

Everyone responding is so supportive (is/are?). At the risk of sounding like an asshole, here’s my opinion:
Stop putting yourself down. That’s already unattractive. By your own admission you lack confidence and you don’t think yourself capable of getting into a relationship where you would have sexual contact. Well, you’re nailing shut your own coffin with that kind of attitude. It’s the lack of confidence that would keep you out of the bedroom, regardless of past experience.
I have had relationships where the sexual attraction was there until we hit the sack. I’m sorry to sound vain, but it does matter. It isn’t #1 on the list, but it’s up there. But no one is saying you have to hop in the sack right away. You could let it build naturally. My guess is your future sexual partner may not have that much experience herself. So learn together.
Bottom line is that it’s your confidence that you should work on. If you don’t think yourself worthy it will show, and it’s a turn-off. Just because you think yourself a nerd doesn’t mean there aren’t slews of nerdy women out there. Nerdy women with needs. Go to places where you feel comfortable and start saying hello to women. Put yourself out there or it won’t fall in your lap.
If given the opportunity, pay her lots of compliments and make her feel wanted. Touch her where you want to (with permission over time), and feel out what feels good for both of you. Experience has to come from somewhere. But you’re right… With your current attitude towards yourself, you won’t get to that point.
I apologize in advance if this came off rude.

Judi's avatar

I think that most girls wouldn’t mind the lack of experience. That’s not as important to us as guys seem to think. Health wise it makes you a gem. Stamina is also over rated.
It makes me sad that your self esteem is so damaged and that you tend to meet superficial girls that don’t take the time to see the inside.
What really impresses the less superficial girl is tenderness, kindness, vulnerability, and the ability to listen.

Leanne1986's avatar

I agree with @GloPro, lack of experience isn’t a problem but a defeatist attitude can be. If you act like you believe that no one could possibly be attracted to you then they probably won’t be. Learn to like yourself a little more, remind yourself of your good qualities every day and hopefully your confidence will grow which will come across in your attitude. Even if it was four years ago, someone has already liked you enough to have sex with you so you can’t be that bad!

Seek's avatar

Lack of experience doesn’t matter.

Lack of self worth is awfully unattractive.

We all feel ugly sometimes, but here’s the thing: Our looks are a roll of the dice that are thrown by someone that isn’t us. We don’t get a choice in that. The only thing we can do is work with what we have. You choose how you present what nature has given you.

For what it’s worth, when I began dating my husband, he hadn’t been in a realtionship for over six years.

Judi's avatar

You may not be able to change your physical appearance but you CAN change your attitude. Forget about finding dates, practice kindness. Practice active listening. Find a cause you believe in and are passionate about and work hard for it. Be the kind of person you would want to hang out with. Now THAT’s attractive.

Judi's avatar

I didn’t watch the Oscars last night but this showed up on Facebook today. I think it applies to your situation too.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Frozen pig sex?? THAT IS WHY I DON’T COME INTO THESE QUESTIONS! LOL! Carry on!

XOIIO's avatar

@Dutchess_III shoot, just bend that pig over, if yew don’t mind the cold that’s some good lovin’

Dutchess_III's avatar

I’m not even reading this so I didn’t not just burst out laughing @XOIIO!! Damn it. There’s coke all over my keyboard again.

Symbeline's avatar

This reminds me of some random thing from years ago, I don’t quite remember why I did this but…lol. I sent some guy on Yahoo Messenger a picture of two flies mating. Then I’m like, check it out, housefly sex. Then that guy goes, house flies are disgusting. Housefly sex is disgusting!

I forget most of this incident, but we both couldn’t stop laughing after this.

Jonesn4burgers's avatar

@Judi, OMG, what a beautiful speech! I am crying. Thanks for sharing the link.

Brian1946's avatar

There’s no better display of rural virility than cold cocking a pig. If you want pork in your sausage, go to IHOP. If you want to put your sausage in some pork, go to Canada!

XOIIO's avatar

@Brian1946 You just got to watch out for those hind legs if it ain’t ded yet, you just gotta grab em and pull the piggy on.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I’m dyin’ here! Ya’ll goin ta hell!

Paradox25's avatar

I think you’re worrying too much. I was much older than you when I had my first experience. Actually when I stopped worrying about this issue, and openly had other interests in my life filled with ambition I had chicks flocking to me, and most of them knew (or at least suspected the truth) about my lack of experience. Many of them want to be your first it seemed. In your case you’re not even a virgin, and you are still young.

There is no perfect masculine standard out there, and most guys simply do not really live up to them anyways. For some reason desperation is a turnoff, but when people realize you don’t give a shit about them they usually want to know why, and flock to you and try to get your attention. That has been my experience at least, but I used to ask myself these same questions when I was your age, and I was in a much tougher situation I feel. I can only talk about my own experiences though.

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