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Dealing with my parents cultural expectations when I'm an adult!

Asked by jennylinftw (116 points ) March 6th, 2014

I’m 22 and chinese whilst living at home with my parents. I have a job. My problem is that they HATE my boyfriend who isn’t asian; he’s hispanic. However, there were other things that have happened over the last 4 years that have also added onto their hate towards him. My boyfriend’s a hard worker, loves, and respects me to the fullest.

In recent events, I tried talking to my mom about him wanting to meet with them and apologize for all the stuff that has happened over the years. He wanted to man up, but my parents did NOT want to give him the time of day to even consider meeting him. My mom stated that she wasn’t “ready” and my dad stated he didn’t care to know him at all.

However, we’ve been looking at our own place to move into, but before we go through with it…my boyfriend wants to try to meet with them again and officially clear the air even if they slam the door in his face. He said as long as we just be straight up with them and tell them what the deal is; if they don’t accept still, at least we have his parents support.

My MAIN problem is both my parents can become hostile. My dad has a bad irish temper and has gotten physically aggressive/violent in the past (not in recent years). My mom may just get really emotional in this situation and a little angry. I don’t know and can’t say if they will try to physically stop me or not. I don’t even know how they’re going to react when I tell them my boyfriend wants to meet with them…

What do I do if they aren’t receptive to any of it and don’t support me and make their threats of ‘disowning’ me and how I am ‘shaming’ the family? What is your opinion on my parents who expect you to follow their cultural expectations?!

I need lots of advice here. Do I make this big move even at the cost my parents being hurt by it?

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