Social Question

Mimishu1995's avatar

Is it true that it's hard for people to realize their own faults?

Asked by Mimishu1995 (7556 points ) March 10th, 2014

Based on the outcome of this story.

Basically I did what some jellies suggested in the post today. I told the girl in my thread face-to-face that I wouldn’t pick her bag up because my parents didn’t allow me to interfere further, and if she wanted her bag then she had to come to my house and pick it up herself. She got quite irritated. She complained about how far it would be to get from the school to my house, and said a very annoying thing: “We have been friends for 3 years now, so what is so wrong in just bringing my bag to school for me? I have nothing to say about your parents!”

I got the feeling she didn’t realize she was the antagonist of this whole affair all along. She thought she was on the right side, she was the one who got bullied, and my parents (and possibly I) were the villains. In her mind it’s perfectly OK that she asked me to bring her bag to her house, but not OK that she had to go to my house to pick her bag up; and the fact that we were friend for 3 years could mean she could without hesitation asked me to carry her bag around waiting for her to show up, and my parents weren’t allowed to object to that. In short, she thought she was totally innocent, and we were so wrong.

It’s plainly her fault, but she never realizes it, even after the problem is solved. But now that I think about it, there are people who can’t realize their faults, even though everyone can see them. They are the only one who can’t realize their own mistakes.

So, is it true that it’s hard for people to realize their faults?

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8 Answers

GloPro's avatar

I still think you should have just taken it back to the school that you took it from. I wouldn’t have taken someone else’s bag home to begin with. Maybe she isn’t the only one not seeing her faults?
I think sometimes people realize their faults, but are unwilling to acknowledge them or face them. Sometimes they realize their faults some time after the event. Hindsight is 20/20, you know.

Mimishu1995's avatar

@GloPro Firstly, if I just have left the bag at school there would have been a very high chance that she wouldn’t see her bag again, given that there’s no real lost and found at my school and many students there are fond of stealing. Secondly, it was her who asked me to bring her bag back home in the first place and I was doing her a favor.
Or, maybe I have my faults too, and I don’t realize it, that’s why I post a question here :p

Coloma's avatar

Only if one has low self esteem and perceives everything as a personal attack, criticism upon their being. Having a realistic understanding of our strengths and weakness is a healthy thing.
I’m not afraid to address my faults as well as champion my strengths.

JLeslie's avatar

I probably would have just brought the bag back to school with me to give it to her. Maybe if I have to walk or take public transpotation and it is hard to carry I wouldn’t. I drove to school, so putting it in my car would be no big deal. You said she had a history of not being considerate of other people, which I believe, so probably I would not have her as a very close friend; after a while I would get sick of it. But, if it were a friend who never does stuff like that I would have been happy to help her.

Not necessarily this particular stuation with the bag, but other situations where too people disagree or see things differently; often, both people are right. I encourage you during times when your feelings are hurt by someone or you feel angry to stop and hear why they did what they did and how they perceive the situation. Being able to put yourself into someone else’s shoes can have a very calming effect when we are angry, we gain understanding of the other person and see they are not purposely trying to harm us. Especially useful in a marriage. Communication helps us understand other people and understand ourselves. As we explain why and how we think, we begin to see ourselves differently to. We learn to better understand how we come across to others and why we do what we do. Most people just react to things and don’t think about why they react as they do.

Having a lot of rules, expectations and “shoulds” for how people should act can leave a person very disappointed and angry.

stanleybmanly's avatar

Of course people are in denial when it comes to their own flaws. It’s probably the defining trait for the human condition. It’s at the base of everything from the obesity and murder epidemics through the mountain of money generated by the porn industry. Frankly, I would recommend that you defy your parents and return the bag because it will present you with the opportunity to put a flat end to the episode. More importantly, it would be the perfect moment to sever your relationship with “A”, because it is all but certain that if you allow the relationship to stand, YOU are doomed to a life of playing the “fall guy” on the wrong end of perpetual “bag” incidents.

Darth_Algar's avatar

@Mimishu1995 “Firstly, if I just have left the bag at school there would have been a very high chance that she wouldn’t see her bag again, given that there’s no real lost and found at my school and many students there are fond of stealing.”

I find it hard to believe that the school’s officials wouldn’t keep the bag safe for her, especially since the bag’s owner was clearly known. My school had no real lost and found ether (whatever “real” means in this context), but if someone found something they’d take it to the front office and the principal would store it in her office (which was always locked whenever she was not in it) until someone came by to claim it. And since we were strongly encouraged to tag or label our possessions with our name they’d make an announcement over the PA like: “attention, Such-and-Such Person, so-and-so item with your name is being held in the office, please come by to claim it ASAP”.

Coloma's avatar

Oh, I missed the jist here…never mind. haha

Mimishu1995's avatar

@Darth_Algar I find it hard to believe that the school’s officials wouldn’t keep the bag safe for her, especially since the bag’s owner was clearly known.
Not at all. There was nothing to indicate whose bad it was. When she left the bag, inside it were only 3 textbooks, a storybook and some small stuffs, none of which bore the owner’s name.

My school had no real lost and found ether (whatever “real” means in this context), but if someone found something they’d take it to the front office and the principal would store it in her office (which was always locked whenever she was not in it) until someone came by to claim it.

There are two problems: firstly, like I said before, many students there are fond of stealing. So of course, handing something to the lost and found is the last thought in their mind. Some thieves are even very “selective”. I once left a pencil box at my class and when I finally remembered it, I came back to my classroom and there were only the old pencil left. My box (which is quite beautiful) and my new eraser had gone. Secondly, the people in the “lost and found” room don’t take their job seriously. The time when I left her bag at school and went to find it back, it was put casually in the chair in the office, as if it belonged to someone there and was ready to be taken out. And I don’t think they would announce about the bag, they just wait for someone to come and claim it themselves.

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