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Adirondackwannabe's avatar

What's more important, and why in a relationship: fidelity or finances?

Asked by Adirondackwannabe (33626 points ) March 18th, 2014

I was just curious which one would be the bigger deal breaker. A mate that cheats on you all the time, but is a heck of a breadwinner? Or a faithful mate that struggles to provide for you financially? I was just curious if one or the other is more of an issue, or if they are way down the list of relationship issues. As always humor welcome.

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20 Answers

zenvelo's avatar

It really depends on what each person can put up with. For me, it’s not being cheated on that is important.

A person who doesn’t cheat can always earn more money, although it may not be easy. But a cheater can’t reverse that.

Coloma's avatar

Honesty and fidelity. My ex valued money over fidelity, I did not.
He had the male sense of entitlement and the mindset that as the primary breadwinner he could do whatever he wanted and I should just be grateful he kept a roof over my head. WTF!

He truly was shocked when I filed for divorce and told me I would be on my face in 3 months without him. My reply..” I might, but give me a year.”
He now manages a corporate sales division in Houston and makes well over 100k a year, but you know what? As hard as it is to survive as a single woman these days there is no way I would choose money over fidelity.

What price freedom?
Stay in physically comfortable surrounding but with a dead soul and living on wine and tranquilizers to mute the truth of ones life? I think not.
As hard as this last few years have been on me, not once, ever, have I regretted leaving that man.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Cheating is a dealbreaker, Finances are more flexible.

With my husband’s health issues, thing’s were rough for awhile, but the one thing we both said was a dealbreaker for each of us was cheating. Knowing that in advance, helped us get through the rough times, solidly a team.

Blackberry's avatar

Assuming I’m not getting any diseases: finances. My reasonng is that I experienced a spouse using my information to get credit cards in my name. My credit score is just now recovering from the financial decisions we’ve both made, years later.

If she cheated on me, my credit score would still be intact lol.

livelaughlove21's avatar

I’d choose the faithful mate that struggles to provide for me financially. I can provide for myself financially. I’d rather him have money issues than be a cheating douchebag. However, why is he struggling financially? If it’s a lack of drive or effort – being stuck in a dead end job because he didn’t bother graduating high school and has no plans to change that – then that’s a big problem. I’d still pick him over the cheater, though.

Luckily I’ve got myself a faithful guy that makes pretty dang decent money.

Cruiser's avatar

Fidelity, my first marriage ended because of her infidelity. I’d rather be in the poor house than go through that again.

syz's avatar

Fidelity.

Why would I rely on a spouse to provide for me financially? I can get my own damn job.

ucme's avatar

Hi fidelity, hi fi-del-ity, sorry, little bit of Fame right there.
Better to be faithful, it’s good when you come into some money.

Symbeline's avatar

I’d say fidelity. I have nothing wrong with different types of relationships. If it works out for the people involved, no matter what others have to say about it, then cool for them. I’d think I’d feel pretty lonely in a purely money based relationship though, most especially if I was being cheated on. (whether I was the rich one, or was with someone super rich) Magical moments can be created when both are struggling to make ends meet lol.
I’m so wary of any relationships though, I am totally a lone samurai lol. I’m a bitch, but not enough of one to pretend to love someone just because they have a lot of money. (then again I’ve never met any super rich people, not personally anyway so who knows lol) But yeah, just a normal, but real relationship would be juuuust fine.

downtide's avatar

For me its finances but not so much just struggling financially; I can and have lived with that and survived. What I would not tolerate is a partner cheating with my money. Stealing it, gambling with it, over-spending in secret, and other acts of dishonesty with money.

cookieman's avatar

Fidelity for me.

That being said, I know a woman who chose the other option. She had three kids with a man who made well into six figures, was an overseas executive. They were given housing (a mansion), maids and nannies as part of his compensation. She didn’t have to lift a finger and was well taken care of.

Then she found out he had been cheating on her for some time. He pretty much indicated that he had no intention of stopping.

She weighed her options and stayed with him anyway as she did not wish to give up her lifestyle.

NanoNano's avatar

I guess it depends on the couple. Relationships end for both reasons.

But its a bit of a myth that they are the dominant reason relationships end. People really do grow apart.

Coloma's avatar

The 2 biggest relationship issues, money,and sex.
Personally I believe anything someone does for you that you don’t have to do for yourself in a relationship is a gift. Just because one person makes the lions share of the cash doesn’t minimize all other contributions. If I cook and you mow the lawn, both are of equal value.

JLeslie's avatar

They are both deal breakers in the extreme. A spouse who is a not a big breadwinner, but responsible with money is fine with me. If my spouse made $150k but spent every penny, never consulted with me about money, and we lived check to check, or even went into debt on such a nice salary it would really really bother me and stress the relationship a lot, maybe end in divorce. If my spuse cheated on me once I would probably forgive it. If he was a “cheater” I would get rid of him. Chronic cheating also means chronic lying.

talljasperman's avatar

This sounds like the television series til’ debt do us part. Both are deal breaker’s.

DaphneT's avatar

Fidelity.

If you are both faithful to each other, you’ll work through anything, Finances without faithfulness are just grist for the Lawyers.

Unbroken's avatar

I have financially supported a partner. It was a strain on the relationship esp since he wanted a.family and didn’t pick up the buck in other places. Yet emotionally and sexually intellectually we were a match. I don’t regret my decision most of the time though there are times I wonder if having a family would have been whatt he needed to step up to the plate. Over all I couldn’t risk using innocent children as a tool to bring what I wanted into the relationship. I want and need to be an equal not to feel used. And really I never made the type of money to be a single income family.
on the other hand partners support and help each other over the long haul so as long as it is not a stasis state it can be allowable. Though they should pick up whatever slack they can in order to prevent hard feelings or inequality.

Fidelity. I won’t lie its important to me. But more so is honesty. And having natural swells and lapses and people being human.. well I think if there is honesty and the desire to use the mistakes or to allow certain lapses to strengthen a relationship is something I am increasingly flexible about. I am not saying I would advocate it. Or that I wouldn’t be jealous or that it wouldn’t be a problem. But I also have been in relationships where I wanted to chase a little tail, not all the time but on occasion. But couldn’t allow myself to. Or assumed it meant the end of a relationship when I did. Placing fidelity on the absolute deal breaker list is not justifiable… Who did they murder or was I physically emotionally verbally abused. Sure it hurts but it wasn’t done with that intention.

Coloma's avatar

Bottom line, very, very, few relationships are meant to last “forever.” This is the romantic fantasy crap that causes the most harm. No-thing is “forever”, even iron rots, may take 500 years but….lol

rojo's avatar

Not sure of the numbers but I think more couples break up over finances than fidelity.

So, I have to go with finances.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Fidelity, I would handle the finance.

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