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pleiades's avatar

Been feeling groggy lately?

Asked by pleiades (6453 points ) March 18th, 2014

I have, best friend is leaving to Japan tomorrow. He’s in the Navy. I don’t know I feel like I’ve been lashing out on not just this forum, but also on other forums. (Sorry for that btw)

It’s just that this guy has been so down to do any project I had in mind and you know, we’re just two 26 year olds trying to figure it out. Eventually his mom got re-married and pretty much told him he couldn’t live with them anymore. He was pursuing a bachelors degree but with the timing and all he had to settle for an associates degree.

He was the perfect puzzle to any of my projects and he was open about it and would always tell me he was open to all ideas and would pursue them with me.

I mean this is his fate at this point and I’m extremely grateful for all this time but man, I just feel like because of my indecisiveness we didn’t exactly take off, when if we stuck to even just one of our music projects we could’ve long gone taken off but I would always pull the plug on the project after playing shows and stuff, gaining a following etc…

I guess I feel we had the opportunity but now it’s too late (at least for the next three years) to capitalize on anything with the two of us. I’m sorry I just feel a mixture of regret, I feel like I let him down, some harsh criticism. I don’t know I feel a lot of emotions with this man. Well the good in this is a mutual friend of ours is moving back from Vegas and I know this sounds extremely selfish but I guess he will “fill the void?” they are different flavors of course but I consider both of them equally my best friends. So I’m lucky/blessed for that.

Anyways back to my OP…

Can a shift in friendships cause one to become depressed or groggy? Ever experience something like this?

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5 Answers

johnpowell's avatar

Sure, what you are going through isn’t weird or anything. It is just part of life and you will hopefully learn how to deal with it. Start with being happy that your friend is doing what they want to do and will travel the world and hopefully enjoy the experience. A good friend would worry about themselves last.

You are 26. Lots of life left to live.

pleiades's avatar

@johnpowell I guess that’s the thing… I’ve got a near 2 year old, and the only time I’ve really hung out with him is when all the guys (basically when we’d have group functions) and I never really got to tell him on a one on one basis how proud I am of him, and that this path is just another journey. I kind of just went along with whatever he was saying you know? To make him, not feel weird? Or out of place? I never got to confirm with him what he was doing was the best path and I want him to know that and tell him he’ll always know where to find me should he need help.

It’s never too late I guess I should write it all down while I’m still feeling these emotions full force.

johnpowell's avatar

Sounds like a good plan. I’m not sure how the internet thing works on a boat. Maybe you can have a jam session over Skype or something.

JLeslie's avatar

Regret can be a real downer. I am suffering from huge regrets over the last year or so. Regret can be a motivator too. You can learn from the past and do differently in the future.

Missing a close friend also can be depressing.

You are probably in a mini grieving mode. Sadness, anger, bargaining, acceptance. You are a mix of sadness and bargaining I think. Bargaining can be even with yourself, promising to do things differently. I guess maybe you feel some guilt to. You shouldn’t.

My hope is you will feel better soon. I think what you are going through is very normal. Try to focus on future things. Plan something and start working towards it. Whether it be a career idea, vacation, anything. Looking to the furture and being occupied by it gives us something to look forward to rather than dwelling on the past.

Cruiser's avatar

I had the exact same experience when my very best friend packed it up and moved to LA to go work in the movie industry. We had done so many things together for so many years and when he moved, I liken it to a divorce or death of a loved one. You have such a large void in your life you undoubtedly will at first struggle to fill. With today’s technology you two can stay in touch quite readily and you have your other friend coming back in your life. Life is full of changes and this is just one of many you will experience.

You are also fortunate to have music in your life and I remember some of my most productive periods musically were where I experienced traumatic emotional events. Let your music carry you through this time of your life.

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