Social Question

longgone's avatar

Do you like being hugged?

Asked by longgone (8233 points ) March 25th, 2014

Were you hugged as a child? How often? Do you hug friends? Do you have trouble deciding when a hug would be appropriate? Do you think kids should be hugged regularly? What are your thoughts on young children being hugged by teachers – after getting hurt, for example?

This is in Social, so feel free to answer all questions or none of them.

Inspired by something @GloPro said.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

53 Answers

cookieman's avatar

Yes. I am a hugger and think the world would be a better place if we all hugged more.

((BEAR HUG)) for you @longgone

gailcalled's avatar

Yes, very much. My mother and one grandmother were routine huggers. I always hugged (and hug) my kids. Teachers should find other ways of being friendly.

Our greater family are all huggers.

janbb's avatar

Yes, I do. Hugging seems to have become more common among my circle of friends in recent years and I like it. From a stranger – not so much.

My Mom was fairly affectionate when I was a child and I generally like touch.

I do think that teachers should be able to hug students but I know that is frowned up (or worse) in this society.

KNOWITALL's avatar

Depends on my mood, but generally I’m not a hugger with anyone I haven’t known for a decade or more, unless they need one of course. I do get on kicks though where I try to be a hugger more, because it’s something I admire in others.

Yes, I was hugged often as a child, and I think it’s a good thing for parents and perhaps same-sex teachers to do as well.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

I like hugging , and being hugged from friends and family, strangers not so much.

jca's avatar

I like hugging. I hug my daughter goodbye every day at the school bus stop. I should make a concerted effort to hug her more often. In my family, we kiss good bye and hello but we don’t hug.

I hug coworkers when they have a death in the family, or for holidays and stuff like that. With most of my friends, if we do hug, it’s quick.

Coloma's avatar

Only if it is a heartfelt hug from someone I care about. Otherwise I do not enjoy hugging as a social practice, it feels insincere and awkward.

hominid's avatar

I was hugged frequently as a child. I hug my children all the time. I believe it is important.

When I was just out of college, I worked with developmentally disabled kids who lived at the school. Most of them had been severely abused by their parents so they were essentially orphans. These were girls between 9 and 14. Part of their education was learning personal space and what is ok.
But there were times that they would just act out our threaten to hurt themselves or others just to be physically restrained. The restraints were legal CA restraints and would not be considered pleasant for most of us. But these poor girls were so desperate for a hug that they were willing to go through this.

We changed our policy soon after I arrived. The girls could ask for a hug, and the staff could offer a hug. There were times that a kid would be escalating and becoming very dangerous and upset. Often, a simple hug was able to settle her down and make her anxieties go away.

Anyway, my kids know that I am a hug factory that never runs out of supplies. And I have been able to see the difference a hug makes in a person like my father, who had all handshake, but has found hugs to be just better.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I like it when it’s appropriate. Inappropriate hugs are just weird.

Coloma's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Agreed, especially when someone you don’t know, or hardly know, won’t the f—k LET GO!

They just keep holding onto you, aaaagh…..I hate smothering affection.
I used to know this guy that was a creepy hugger type, he was all into “presence” and he’d hold onto you for like 90 seconds, breathing and sighing and acting all deeply engaged.
Dude, don’t practice your presence on my body. lol

ucme's avatar

Who doesn’t like hugging? Certainly with family & close, close friends.
Stranger hugging would make me Italian or weird, or a weird Italian & i’m neither.

whitenoise's avatar

I love hugging and being hugged. I am a ‘short’ hugger, though.

Frequent short hugs are great… longer hugs trigger an escape response.

My kids are 11 and still love to be hugged frequently. I fear that will likely not last forever… :-/

Symbeline's avatar

I like hugging pillows. It’s soft and comfortable. :) I wish I had a giant, live pillow that could hug me. That would be cool.

ucme's avatar

@Symbeline The girl below scares me, she should have her pillows taken away on grounds of abuse :D
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iQ22p1Zy0_4

syz's avatar

My family is very repressed and non-demonstrative. I can remember my mother hugging me exactly once, when I was in college. So while I like hugs from intimate partners, anyone else is uncomfortable for me. My friends actually warn me when they feel the need to hug me.

Symbeline's avatar

@ucme…well that…was…what the Devil?? Those poor pillows. :(

longgone's avatar

Chiming in now:

I like hugs. I was frequently hugged as a child, and I think that did me a lot of good. I hug friends and I’m fine with that. With near-strangers, I’m not sure whether to hug sometimes. Often I wind up in an awkward half-hug, which is rather uncomfortable.

When I have children, I hope I’ll remember to hug them for no reason once in a while, not just to comfort them or as a way of saying goodbye. I make a conscious effort to hug my younger sister every day.

I, like @janbb, believe teachers and other care-takers should be allowed to hug their charges. I get why that makes some people cringe, but I think many teachers and kids struggle with boundaries they wouldn’t need.

ibstubro's avatar

I do not come from a ‘huggy’ family. I used to be very uncomfortable with it. As I age, however, I seem to enjoy it more and more. Now past 50, I’m pretty much good with hugs.

ucme's avatar

“What the Devil nice work :)

Symbeline's avatar

@ucme I got it from Conan the Barbarian comic books. XD

Coloma's avatar

I was very affectionate with my daughter, we still enjoy giving each other massages, we have an entire routine of leg rubbies, and head massage and neck massage, utilizing various tools. haha
I just don’t go for phoney huggers, blech!
I also can’t stand people that toss around ” love ya”...capriciously.

Khajuria9's avatar

Yes, I do.
:)

GloPro's avatar

Because it was inspired by me (aw, thanks!), I will elaborate.

My dad has Aspergers. He’s athiest, and he is very emotionally removed but easily agitated. Our father-daughter time consisted of him teaching me things by showing me videos. I am greatful to him for making me fairly intelligent and well-rounded in thought. my favorites were 1957 Carolina bball, Secretariat and Ruffian, Mohammed Ali, and James Bond We simply did not touch, ever. We did not discuss emotions. It became just the way it was, and I stopped craving it. I will always feel sad about it, but have accepted it.
It impacted my relationship with my sister. We are both able to acknowledge our discomfort at telling each other we love one another, although we do. I noticed many years ago that we side hug at most. We both feel the wall but are unable to correct it. She, and I when I moved in with her for a year to help out, pours physical and emotional affection and support onto her children. No one else. We have talked about how that is intentional because she wants to give her children an opportunity she never had to be comfortable giving and receiving physical affection. She is forcing herself to continue doing so now that her kids are getting older, despite her feeling discomfort. He does not share her discomfort with the kids.
I always get nervous when I get together with friends because I don’t know if I should hug them or not, and I never have a desire to do so. Even the closest ones. If someone is upset or crying I will hold or hug them because I know I should, not because I want to. I understand the need for physical comfort, I just don’t feel it.
Sometimes, now that I am in a dry spell dating wise, I do feel my own need for physical touch. I have one girlfriend and one guy friend that I will share that need with, and we’ll cuddle up on my couch and watch a movie. I am uncomfortable and comfortable at the same time, then I feel all weird around them for a few days. They know me by now and just roll with it.
I’m sure a psychologist could explain it, but as mentioned, none of this applies to a sexually tensed relationship. I am affectionate, doting, and a natural nurturing girlfriend. Or one night stand, fling, whatever. I have never been uncomfortable with my sexuality or physical needs that go with. I have problems attaching the emotions to it, but really like holding hands, kissing, hugging, etc with a man of which I enjoy his company.
I’m so excited to get this dog, who will be 145 pounds and bigger than me, because I am 100% love and physical affection with my big dogs. It fills that need to have a warm body well.
I’m an oddball. I’m okay with it, as in I don’t struggle to change it. But I am sad I’m not naturally a touchy-feely lovey girl.

ibstubro's avatar

@Symbeline You have to be careful what you share with @ucme. I hear he got it from Agnes.

Symbeline's avatar

@ibstubro Ok. Seriously. That guy is made of WIN. That was awesome lol.

@ucme I want one of those. It’s inflatable, too!

ibstubro's avatar

When I was a kid we had a vinyl LP of Lehrer and when my parents would let us, we’d play it and literally roll on the floor in front of the Hi-Fi, laughing, @Symbeline.

Just be a little careful who you DO it with!

longgone's avatar

Thanks for elaborating, @GloPro. GA :]

DominicX's avatar

Yes, I am a very huggable person. I was hugged as a child quite often and I am glad for that. Obviously I would respect people who don’t want to be hugged, but if you do, you may get a hug from me. In fact, I was voted “most huggable” in 8th grade polls. :P

janbb's avatar

@DominicX You can hug me any time!

ucme's avatar

Wait stop..how does hugging turn into veiled accusations of VD?
I mean, clucking bell, c’mon.

this_velvet_glove_again's avatar

Of course I like being hugged! And I hug people all the time to show that I like them, consider them my friends, or just cheer them up a little. I’m kinda worried, though. Every time. Because I wonder if it made them think I don’t respect their personal space or something.
Oh and I really hate it when some annoying waaaay too girly girl who doesn’t know me suddenly hugs me because that’s what she does when she says ‘hi’ to someone. Grrrr.
Now, about kids… I’m always afraid I might have some disease I’m not aware of yet, and I might give them that disease if I hug them, so I just don’t. Except if I really think I’m healthy enough, and they’re my friends.

livelaughlove21's avatar

Depends on who is hugging me. I love hugs from my husband and I don’t particularly mind hugging my mom, dad, or grandmother, but I feel incredibly awkward hugging anyone else. I don’t go to church, but the few times I’ve gone there’s always old women that want to hug me – please, no! I rarely hug my friends, again because I find it awkward. There are very few people I’d initiate a hug with.

I think I’m just an awkward person in situations like this, unfortunately. My gynecologist hugs his patients when he greets them. Kind of weird, but I’m not all that put off by it (I mean, this guy knows me better than most, if you know what I mean). However, I’m always worried when being hugged about which way I should lean and if I lean the same way they do, it’ll be awkward. I’d just rather not!

I was actually hugged a lot as a kid. I was the baby and my mom and uncle hugged me a lot. I don’t remember it bothering me as a kid, though, and I don’t think that has anything to do with why I don’t like hugging now. I do think kids should be hugged by their loved ones and I don’t see anything wrong with teachers doing it, either. As long as there’s no creepiness behind the hug, hug away! Although, I probably would have a problem with strangers hugging my kids. Teachers aren’t strangers, though.

My husband likes his personal space and hates being touched by anyone but me. We both can’t stand when people like to touch your arm or something while they’re talking to you. It makes us uncomfortable. Like, why do you have to touch me in order to have a conversation with me? Stay out of my bubble, bro! Oh, and massages? Forget about it! I get so uncomfortable when my older sister tries to rub my shoulders or something – it’s nothing against her, but I don’t like it.

I hug the shit out of my animals, though. Does that count?

AshLeigh's avatar

It depends. I love hugging my boyfriend, and my family. But some people that I just kind of know from school (friendly acquaintances) always try to hug me, and that’s just awkward. Or maybe I just really like my personal space.
I don’t want to hug anyone I don’t trust. I’m more of a hand shake kind of person.

As for the teachers: There are appropriate hugs between a teacher and a student. It depends on the rules of the school, I guess. All of my teachers hugged me on the day I graduated.

longgone's avatar

@livelaughlove21 “I hug the shit out of my animals, though. Does that count?”
You bet!

@hominid What a horrible story. I’m glad the policy was changed.

@cookieman That felt good. ((Hugging back))

Coloma's avatar

Hugging animals is the best!

I have officially tamed 2 of the park geese and they now lie on my lap and we make kissy faces and I rub them under their wings. Fowl hugs! lol

GloPro's avatar

I love your goose obsession. It’s a first for me. I have tamed a mallard couple. We hang out daily. Hopefully by the time the babies start coming we’ll be at that lap level.

Coloma's avatar

@GloPro They are so sweet. Here ya go, some neighbors of yours. :-)
www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7QdfsabSCo

GloPro's avatar

Nice! I’ve been considering those exact town homes. Maybe Valentino really will be my neighbor in a few months.

cookieman's avatar

Awright, could we have a group Fluther hug then? C’mon fellow Jellies… bring it in!

livelaughlove21's avatar

Hugging animals is the best!

Yes! I’ll come home from work, put my stuff down, and squat down so Daisy can put her front legs on either shoulder and sniff and lick my face while I give her the good scratches. She’ll also do this if she thinks she’s in trouble. Josh will say, “Daisy, what did you do? Look what you did,” and she’ll jump up and give him hugs and love. I may be ascribing human emotion to my dog, but she does it every time.

OpryLeigh's avatar

If I trust the higher then yes, I enjoy it. I don’t like awkward ‘greeting hugs’ with people you only kind of know. That’s quite fashionable amongst some people I know but it seems false to me, like air kisses! I think I was hugged quite a bit as a child. I certainly don’t feel deprived in that department.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I like to hug and be hugged by family members and friends who are comfortable with hugging. I object when someone I don’t know or trust attempts to hug me.

LornaLove's avatar

I love being hugged and give hugs generously. Where I live now, hugs are regarded as a bit strange. I feel huggless.

Mimishu1995's avatar

I like it when people I love hug me. I like hugs! A lot! And I guess I make people tired because of that.

My place is no better than yours, @LornaLove, with an addition that hugs can be very embarrassing. So I don’t get hugs very often, except for some very rare occasion. I sure miss those hugs :’(

Or, can I hug everyone who answer this thread to make up for it?

talljasperman's avatar

When it is above the waist… my father hugs people with groping the ass of his victim and moves on. It’s my secret that I kept from my girlfriend. When he did it in front of her she seemed not to notice and called me a liar when I confronted her about it in Christmas. She unfriended me from Facebook. I am a hugger but only with women, I used to be able to hug men but my father has ruined it for me.

gondwanalon's avatar

I’m a hugger not a slugger. I love to hug my wife and out cats. Also my family members and an old and dear friend. But I feel weird at work where there are mostly women and a few of them hug me at every opportunity. I just go along with it but I would prefer not to.

LornaLove's avatar

@Mimishu1995 Interestingly I worked in a very corporate environment for years and I used to hug my colleagues. It got to the point that we would all ask for hugs and it did improve our work environment. Some people who are single don’t get hugged at all. Very sad.

Mimishu1995's avatar

@LornaLove At least there are people in your place get hugs. I hardly get hugs here :( And what most don’t know about me is that I WANT HUGS!

whitenoise's avatar

Consider yourself hugged, @Mimishu1995!

prairierose's avatar

Yes, I love to get and give hugs to family and friends. Hugs make me feel good.

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