Social Question

Eggie's avatar

Have you ever sacrificed being in a relationship for personal goals?

Asked by Eggie (5147 points ) April 28th, 2014

Right now after my breakup with my girlfriend, I am seeing a potential date once again, but I am unsure whether to pursue this woman because of my plans to get my Masters and migrate. I do not want to fall into an embarrassing situation like before. Does that mean I should not date anyone until I succeed, which is not a sure thing? Have any of you guys ever stopped dating for more than a year for a personal goal in your life?

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29 Answers

GloPro's avatar

When does your Masters program begin, and where is it?

Blondesjon's avatar

Nope. I did the exact opposite.

spoiler alert: it was worth it

Unbroken's avatar

Yes it was a tough decision. I don’t know that I made the right one or not. Whenever things are less then optimal I wonder….

Is there any reason you can’t do both. I mean sure you will move but in how long? One there is the option of taking her with you.

The other is many woman are just looking for a short term relationship.

Don’t give up options you don’t actually have to.

chyna's avatar

One date doesn’t make a relationship. Just go out and have fun and stop worrying about where it might go.

Coloma's avatar

Yes. I have choosen to be single for the past 10 years after a divorce. I LIKE being single. If you KNOW you are not available for a serious relationship then either do as what @chyna says, just go have fun, but do not lead anyone on to satisfy a whim.

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

Yes. I have refused to date women whom I work with for the sake of keeping my job.

Get the masters and migrate if you absolutely have to make a choice between the two. There are approximately 3.5 billion women out there and if you continue to do what makes you happy and fulfilled, you will always be attractive to them. Only the crazy ones like unhappy guys.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

I’m w/ @Coloma Being single rocks!

Coloma's avatar

@Dan_Lyons Of course we have never met. hahahaha
I do enjoy being free , sometimes I think about coupling up again, but only for a minute or two. lol

Mimishu1995's avatar

I’m with @Coloma too. I just don’t have the gut to tell anyone IRL here.

Coloma's avatar

@Mimishu1995 You are very smart for being so young! :-)

Dan_Lyons's avatar

You are both very intelligent for being wimmin!

When you are a complete individual there is not so much pressure on you to find some other incomplete human being in the forlorn and mistaken hope of become a complete human being.

Coloma's avatar

@Dan_Lyons Wise man speaketh, as if we could be anything but “complete” as we are!
I remember many moons ago someone writing me a poem and saying that ” you are your own person, no one can take that away.” I guess some of us are just more blessed with a sense of self that does not need propping up on a regular basis. :-)

GloPro's avatar

I hope I find someone to complete me. Feeling like a loser minority here.

Coloma's avatar

@GloPro There is no such thing. 2 halves do not make a whole. They make two parasitic halves. lol

GloPro's avatar

I feel sad thinking about not having a companion. I still believe in it, even if all of you would rather be alone. Not me.

Mimishu1995's avatar

@Coloma In that case, I have just come up with a crazy saying:

Those who yearn for lovers and marriage so desperately, and even set them as goals in life, are the ones who aren’t, or think they aren’t, complete. Therefore they are utterly dependent! ~

Mimishu1995's avatar

@GloPro I don’t mean to offend you really! I just want to bash those who make me miserable because I’m asexual and have no intention to get married a bit :D

Coloma's avatar

@GloPro Ideal relationship: 20 acres, 2 houses, and a picnic table in the middle. :-)
The thing is, the romantic pap we are fed is an illusion, once you truly love and enjoy yourself, relationship pales in comparison to the relationship you have with yourself, by yourself. You may still want it, but you won’t “need” it, from a place of grinding fear and anxiety.
Infact, you may come to the conclusion that you choose to not pursue the illusion that another will somehow save you from your fears and loneliness.
Only you can do that. :-)

Mimishu1995's avatar

@GloPro You can do anything you want. Find a boyfriend, get married, have children… anything. I have no objection. You are one person and I’m another. Just don’t force me to do things I don’t want and I’m perfectly OK :)

GloPro's avatar

I have proven over my entire adult life, for more than 17 years, that I don’t NEED a relationship or anyone else. My longest relationship has been 2.5 years. I take care of myself and lead a fulfilling life. I just haven’t met the right one. It’s usually been me running away. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy taking care of someone and having them take care of me. I enjoy snuggling in bed. I enjoy having meaningless lazy Sunday banter. Walks in the woods, and talking to someone that talks back. My dog hasn’t figured that one out yet.
I believe in my heart that I have enough in me to share and enjoy with someone else. That doesn’t make me less of a person, or love myself less.

But this OP isn’t about me. I just don’t think it’s fair to discourage a 28 year-old man that clearly feels similar to me, or he wouldn’t be dating.

Coloma's avatar

@GloPro Not discouraging, just that if someone wants a fling and someone else is seeking a LTR . gotta be upfront from an ethical POV. Nothing wrong with wanting a companion, relationship, just not from a place of fear of being alone. It;s all good, as long as everyone is aware of their motives.

talljasperman's avatar

I stopped talking to most of my family in order to pass university… it didn’t work, I failed out anyway.

Haleth's avatar

The personal goals became more important than the relationship, and the person kept pressuring me to quit my job and move in with them. In the end, it didn’t even feel like a sacrifice. More like a breath of fresh air. Byeeeee!

Jonesn4burgers's avatar

Whether you remain single forever, or someday marry, how important to your future is getting your Masters?
If you would make a good husband, waiting will not keep you from meeting a wonderful woman to share your life. Sometimes people feel pressured to get serious with someone right away because of their age. Don’t let that happen, because it almost always ends in disaster.
I agree that if you decide you want to continue seeing someone, anyone, you must let her know right off what your plans could mean to a relationship.
When I was in the Navy, just a few months before my time was up, a young man asked me to be in an exclusive relationship with him.. I pointed out that I was to leave soon. He said he’d be okay with that. I agreed. When time came for me to go, he tried to make some changes, and hoped he could convince me to change my plans. It didn’t go like that. Things didn’t turn ugly, but I felt a little guilty, even though we both entered into the relationship knowing it had an expiration date.
That is why my inclination is to advise you to focus on your plan, seek companionship later.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Depends on if a kid pops up out of it.

hearkat's avatar

I fall in the middle somewhere… I was in a relationship for a few years when I started grad school. I found out I was pregnant two days after the program started, and I gave birth to my son less than a week after my last final exam of the spring. Then I dealt with a newborn while completing the rest of my Masters’ requirements. 20+ years later and it’s all a blur to me now. I was stressed and sleep-deprived, but I made it through and I still love what I do.

You can have a personal life while attending grad school, but it doesn’t necessarily make either any easier. Since you are not already involved with someone, I wouldn’t recommend putting a lot of effort into seeking a relationship. Getting out, having fun, and going on a few dates is fine. If you should meet someone with terrific partnership potential, be honest with them that your academics are your main focus right now. If that person is indeed solid relationship material, they will appreciate and respect that, and not cause drama. At the first sign of whining that you don’t give them enough attention, set them free to find someone who will, because someone who is needy is not the kind of person you want to build a long-term relationship with – during grad school or after. You need someone who is mature and confident and secure in themselves.

@GloPro – You already have the capacity to complete yourself – you shouldn’t look to anyone else to do that, because they can’t. Depending on something outside of yourself for happiness and placing such expectations on another person is unfair to them, and relationships based on need rather than desire generally do not succeed.

fluthernutter's avatar

Dear Francois Clinton,
Yes.

I realized that my personal goal was more important than being in that relationship—even though I loved them.

Personal goal: I want to be happy.

Don’t pursue new interests until you’ve migrated. But don’t wait for some idea of success until you start dating.

Sincerely,
fluthernutter

Eggie's avatar

@fluthernutter —Why did you use my name????!!!!!!

talljasperman's avatar

I dumped my university for my friends so I did the opposite. But I dropped my friends in high school to spend time doing homework. I should have had a healthy midway point and kept some friends and passed school.

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