Social Question

browneyes's avatar

Introducing my fiance to my family... Any advice?

Asked by browneyes (132 points ) 2 months ago

Alright so my name is Alison and I am 24. I have been dating this man, Christoph, for a year and a half now. He’s 33, and he’s a bail enforcement agent (basically a bounty hunter.) I was very taken aback when I first met him, I didn’t know they were actually a real thing, to be honest. He has seen a lot of scary people, been in a lot of scary situations, and he is still the most polite gentleman you will ever meet. He is charming, charismatic, and he treats me so well. He brings me home flowers for no reason, pulls out my chair for me, etc. He is wonderful. His job makes things difficult sometimes; he works a lot of long hours, and I worry about him because it is a very dangerous career. It’s worth it, though, because I love him more than anything.

Well, he just asked me to marry him, and of course, I said yes. :) I live across the country from my family, so the only person who has met him is my mom when she came to visit 5 months ago, but my parents are more open-minded than my extended family. In a couple of weeks, we are going to visit them, and I want to tell them that we are engaged, but none of them have met Christoph, and I’m nervous about it. On one hand, he is very charming, and extremely polite, so I think he will have no problem getting their approval. On the other hand, I don’t know how well my family will take to his career. They are all mostly lawyers or teachers, and very conservative, while he chases down criminals for a living. I just really want them to like him. Any advice on the situation?

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14 Answers

LornaLove's avatar

This is your life, only you can make it special and happy for you. The moment we start to try and please even extended family we are probably doomed. Yes, I agree parents are important, simply because you want their permission meaning a happy life where you all get on together. It’s not everything though.

He has a job, well done for him. Many of guys these days don’t have one and certainly don’t work long hours. He is a gentleman too. Wow! Congrats on your new life.

marinelife's avatar

You don’t have to tell them what he does for a living at first. Just introduce him and let them get to know him. It is assumed they will come to love him too.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Hey that takes some serious balls to do that for a living. I bet he can handle your family with ease. Just trust in him and in your love. He sounds like a great guy. Relax and let it play out.

ucme's avatar

Hide the narcotics

rojo's avatar

He is in “Law Enforcement” and leave it at that for now. he can explain later when it comes up in conversation

browneyes's avatar

The problem is that my family is all very fixated on their jobs. It’s something that I am less than crazy about when it comes to my family, but I’m sure they will ask him numerous questions about what he does for work.

Adagio's avatar

If they ask specifically what his job entails, he could simply explain, why do you think they would feel critical about his occupation?

browneyes's avatar

@Adagio My family is full of professional people in business suits, or rather uptight, conservative teachers. Even I myself am a teacher, but I like to think that I am less uptight. My point is, his job is very dangerous. He deals with a lot of not-so-nice people. I just don’t know how well my family will take to the whole chasing down criminals thing. He is also very intelligent; his career field kind of requires you to be. He knows he is intelligent, and while he is very humble (and willingly admits when he is wrong), he is also very matter-of-fact (his job has made him this way,) because, well, he knows when he’s right. I like his straightforwardness, but my family likes to sweep things under the rug, and jump around issues or heavier topics. Our family gatherings never venture beyond small talk. I don’t love it, but that is how they are, and they can be rather judgmental of people.

Adagio's avatar

It would be great if your family liked him but sometimes it’s just not the case, sometimes life is not like that, no fairytales. I hope your family can see past whatever they might find unusual about his occupation and catch a glimpse of the real person, they might surprise you. Most of all I hope he will just be himself, you obviously care for that person, your family will see that.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@browneyes Your family sounds like an uptight bunch of pricks. Know what I do when that happens? I walk in with a fuck you attitude, take me or leave me as I am. I’m guessing your guy can do the same. Don’t sweat it.

browneyes's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Oh they definitely are. Like I said, I don’t really like that about them, but they’re still my family. And he has no problem with dealing with people who don’t like him; as you can imagine, he gets that a lot with his job. I just know he’s very worried about them liking him. He’s stressing a lot, and I haven’t even told him that I myself am stressed about it as well.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@browneyes That answer was pretty strong. I tried to edit it but it was too late. Try not to stress out about it, either of you. They’ll either like him or they won’t and there’s not much you or he can do about it either way.

browneyes's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe No worries, I am aware that my family isn’t the shining beacon of all that is right. I chose to distance myself from them for years because of this; but as I said, they’re still my family, you know?

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

Yeah, you don’t get to chose your family, but they’ll always be your family.

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