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talljasperman's avatar

Can you help me make friends?

Asked by talljasperman (18887 points ) May 25th, 2014

I talked to a councillor and he told me to make friends. I’m all alone in my one bedroom apartment and can use some advice.

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31 Answers

Mimishu1995's avatar

I’ll be your friend! :D

Just kidding. Go out, talk to people, maybe begin with some general information, be more open and friendly, listen to people and actively join the conversation.

That’s how I make random friends in random places.

LDRSHIP's avatar

I’m sure I will sound like a prick for this.

No. I can’t help you make friends.

Friends are overrated. I hardly have any although I know the ones I do have are worth my time.

On a personal note. I am terribly introverted person who merely became more confident over time and trials of life. Also just going out and doing shit I was otherwise afraid of.

For me I don’t think being alone is really all that bad as people make it seem to be.

johnpowell's avatar

There is a group of Reddit users in your town. http://www.reddit.com/r/reddeer

It isn’t the busiest place in the world but you could at least try to get to know some local people.

anniereborn's avatar

Look at what your interests are. Maybe you can volunteer somewhere that fits in with them. I used to be scared of volunteering. I am fairly introverted too. But when I get somewhere that really interests me and I know a lot about, I am not so nervous. Maybe you might be the same.

Seek's avatar

I think we’ve had this talk on several occasions.

GO SOMEWHERE and DO STUFF. Around other people. Who like stuff you like.

You will literally have to get up, leave your apartment, travel to where people are, and smile and say things. Like “Hi” and stuff.

talljasperman's avatar

@Seek Hi seek. I’m scared , or board of, the people in my town…. in the real world. I am looking to make friends online, and then invite them into my real life.

anniereborn's avatar

If you do make friends online and want to invite them into your real life, wouldn’t they have to be local anyway?

dxs's avatar

@talljasperman A relationship in real life is worth more than an online relationship because you have so many more senses and dimensions. If you’re with someone in real life, pretend like you’re talking to one of us Jellies.

talljasperman's avatar

@anniereborn No. They can Facebook each other at first.

Seek's avatar

Meetup.com is great for that. Talk to people on the message boards, and then meet them later on.

Seek's avatar

But basically, you’ll have to step out of your comfort zone a little.

I’ve done it recently, and it’s been the best decision I’ve ever made. I’ve made a ton of friends lately, who share my same interests, and I’m building a whole new set of artistic and creative skills at the same time. It’s pretty damned awesome.

talljasperman's avatar

@Seek I’m going on to EHarmony when I get paid on the 27th and buy a years membership. Maybe I can join a telephone chat room like the ones on television.

anniereborn's avatar

I totally get what you are saying. I have done the same thing with online friends. However, if they are not local, you will never get to see them. If you just need people in your life through; online, social networks, phone calls and texts, that’s okay too.

anniereborn's avatar

Isn’t EHarmony a dating site?

talljasperman's avatar

@anniereborn Yes.. I’m single. I haven’t been on a real date in 14 years.

anniereborn's avatar

Are you trying to find dates or friends? (Yes, I realize that someone you date can be a friend)

talljasperman's avatar

@anniereborn Dates, who start as friends. I can use some real friends too. I consider some people in Fluther as people who’s company I appreciate.

Darth_Algar's avatar

Dude, the world isn’t going to come to you. If you want to meet people and make friends you’re going to have to step out of your apartment sometime.

LuckyGuy's avatar

You will meet people when you do stuff – even doing free stuff.
Start by going for a walk. Get exercise. (I have 272 written on my calendar for 5/23. Do you?)
You have the time. Many people are stuck in an office for 8+ hours a day and can’t do it. You are not. You have the flexibility to go out when you want. Surely you can spend one hour a day doing something for your health. It is totally within your control.
Get dressed, go outside, and take a walk for an hour. (Bonus Lurve points if you carry a plastic bag and pick up some trash along the way.)
Do it the same time every day. You will meet people.

GloPro's avatar

Get that job! It’s a natural friend creator.

janbb's avatar

It’s time to stop asking questions and go outside. Surely your counselor can help you find something to do that will help you meet people?

chyna's avatar

Volunteer at your local shelter. Help serve food to the homeless. You will start feeling better about yourself for having done something to help others.

stanleybmanly's avatar

How is it that so many intelligent affable people wind up feeling isolated and lonely? It seems to be such a common and frequent complaint of so many people who spend time on the net. What were folks doing before the internet? I mean 14 years between dates? I’m really curious about your town.

gailcalled's avatar

I wish we could. You have asked many versions of this question over the past few years and gotten the same well-meaning and uncomplicated advice. Apparently it hasn’t helped. An online community gives the illusion of friendship and intimacy but it isn’t. It is a distraction for you that uses your energy up.

Are you going to be able to talk to the United
Church Reverend on the 28? He may have some simple ideas.

When your counsellor suggests you make some friends, you must ask him for concrete help rather than a vague suggestion. He says, “Make some friends.” You say, “How? Please help me get started.”

Can you at least get out of bed, get dressed, get out of the apartment and walk to a local shop to buy some fruit or a newspaper? Can you make several casual remarks to the salespeople?

“Hi. How are you? How do you like the weather today? Are the bananas ripe? See you tomorrow.”

LuckyGuy's avatar

OK . I’ve been thinking about you for the past few days and have made suggestions. I will suggest one more adventure for you and then I will pass. I will accept that you are responsible and in control of your own happiness.

The challenge:
We will speak in code that only you will understand.
You live in a town with a name that sounds like a classic British restaurant: a color and an animal. e.g. The Blue Whale, the Brown Fox. If yes, continue. If no, PM me.
The center of the town has an intersection name with the number 7 squared Avenue and St. If yes, continue. If no, PM me.
Can you walk there easily? If yes, continue. IF no, PM me with rough info about the distance and direction of your place to that point. e.g. “I live 2 km north of there.” and I will send you another mission.
One street north and east of that magic intersection is a park that honors certain individuals. If yes, continue. If no, PM me.
On the north side of the road 8 meters in from the sidewalk a small canister is hidden. Inside is a tiny log book. Sign your name and tell me the name of the person who signed it before you. Hint, the 3rd, 4th, and 5th letters of the person’s name are the letters “age”.
If you don’t accept or are not interested in the challenge, continue. If you are willing to accept the challenge PM me.
Continue being bored.

Transmission complete.

Paradox25's avatar

I can kind of identify with talljasperman here. I have similar problems living in a smaller conservative rural area myself, where it’s kind of difficult to make friends because you simply have very little in common with others around you. Generally people usually invite me to hang with them, but I usually back off if I realize I have little in common with them (I’ve been in those types of friendships before).

Being online can be decent way to meet others who share your interests, and meet them if they live in your general area. I would hang out with you if you lived closer to me, because you seem like you have similar interests to me, and appear to be the type of person you can have a deep discussion with.

I’m not a big people person, but I don’t mind having a few friends to do things and talk about stuff with. I have to get my own life on track, both career-wise and financially, before I try to re-evaluate my own life socially.

LuckyGuy's avatar

@talljasperman You PM’ed me saying you did not understand the code and I gave you some answers to help you along.
You are an intelligent guy. If I didn’t think you could do it I would not have wasted my time. You don’t need to be Captain Kirk He’s too physical. You just need a touch of Captain Picard .
I asked you a question in my PM and will wait for your answer.

LuckyGuy's avatar

@Paradox25 Would you like a mission, too? If yes, PM me.

longgone's avatar

@LuckyGuy So intrigued…GA.

longgone's avatar

Ah…I get it. Geocaching. Well, that’s perfect, if you’re looking for an adventure. I started geocaching a few years ago. I don’t go often, but when I do, it’s lots of fun. Great way to meet people and see your local surroundings in a different light.

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