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Social Question

lornahayes's avatar

Does this guy like me Y/N?

Asked by lornahayes (226 points ) May 28th, 2014

My sisters husbands brother is totally cute and i am really in love with him. He jokes with me a lot i have caught him watching me many a time. He winks and smiles at me loads.
However.
Last night i told him by email that i love him and he hasn’t reacted to it at all. As a result i have apologized to him and he says everything is forgiven but i still don’t know how he feels about me.
Any advise on what i should do but keep it subtle

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35 Answers

elbanditoroso's avatar

Back off and chill out. You’re coming on too strong. Too late for subtle.

GloPro's avatar

I’m not sure what subtle advice is, but I doubt my response will be subtle. I’m more straightforward…

My advice is to learn that when referring to yourself as “I” then you use a capital letter. If I got an email declaring love for me and the grammar was poor then I would be annoyed. Even more so than I would be that someone is too immature to take that drastic of a step In person. That suggests you are too immature to date, which is further confirmed by your Y/N question you wrote to us. Most of us grow out of the ‘check Y/N’ survey when we enter our mature dating years. Sending the email was childish.
When you got no direct response you should recognize it for what it is: rejection. Possibly embarrassment, definitely discomfort. Apologizing by email was further confirmation you aren’t mature enough to handle relationship development face-to-face. Of course he’d say you’re ‘forgiven,’ although I personally would never apologize for sharing my feelings. The only thing to be forgiven for is acting like a child and making him uncomfortable.

Too many people mistake being nice for flirting. It’s possible to enjoy someone’s company without wanting more. In the future I’d stop hiding behind the computer and just let things progress naturally. If you like him and he likes you it’s bound to move forward, just maybe not at the breakneck speed of declaring love right away… In an email.

Good luck!

marinelife's avatar

His silence speaks volumes. He doesn’t like you that way.

lornahayes's avatar

I think what GloPro said is a bit unkind actually. Thanks for everyone’s advice.

livelaughlove21's avatar

You say, “I love you,” and he says nothing. That’s your first clue. Move on.

Mimishu1995's avatar

@lornahayes I agree that @GloPro is a bit too harsh, but at least she has a point, in some ways. I may not really agree with her poor grammar annoyance, but I agree that sending an email is a bit… “inappropriate”, especially when you wrote that you loved him. Don’t you think it’s a bit too early for declaring your love when you haven’t really gotten to know him much?

How long have you guys been dating? You don’t include that in your question.

A more gentle version of @GloPro‘s advice (written by me): I don’t know how long you guys have been dating, but it seems that you (and him) haven’t gotten to know each other much. I think he was at a loss when he saw your email. Imagine this: you are friendly with a guy for a couple of days, you don’t really know that guy, you only socialize with him for some time, just for fun. Then suddenly you receive an email from him, basically saying: “I love you honey! Will you be my girl?” What do you think? Don’t you think the guy’s approach is a little too strong? Will you be comfortable to love a guy who you don’t know much? Think about it. That may be your guy’s current feeling now. I guess he didn’t reply the email because he was so shock and he forgave you because he was trying to be polite. I don’t think he has any feeling for you at this stage.

lornahayes's avatar

Ok i don’t think i made it clear. We have known each other for about 2–3 months. My family and his family have done a lot together. I would say we know each other quite well by now.

livelaughlove21's avatar

@Mimishu1995 “How long have you guys been dating? You don’t include that in your question.”

Where does it say they’re dating?

Mimishu1995's avatar

@lornahayes Okay, so let’s assume that you guys know each other well. I still don’t think he’s into you. Knowing each other doesn’t always guarantee love. Love needs more than that. I think @GloPro is right about the flirting part.

Or maybe he isn’t ready for a relationship yet.

lornahayes's avatar

Ok i’m confused now. We haven’t been dating at all we have just had lots to do with each other as family’s. He has shown shown what i would call definite sines that he is interested in me. For example both our family’s went for a walk together and he wouldn’t leave my side. He is always winking and smiling at me and i did wink back at once and he smiled like i have never seen him smile before and blushed.
i think we know each other well.

Mimishu1995's avatar

@livelaughlove21 Sorry, it’s just my word for “meeting often” :P

janbb's avatar

I think saying you love someone when you are not pretty clearly in a relationship will definitely turn them off. Being friendly or even interested in you does not mean he is ready for a declaration of love. I’m sorry to sy that you goofed bigtime and now have to back off on this one. Just be calm and collected if you see him in a family grouping and look elsewhere to date.

lornahayes's avatar

Thanks for the advice. I will be seeing him again a lot so am very nervous but i guess i will just have to chill out and back off.

GloPro's avatar

I agree it was blunt. I’m tired of teenagers not recognizing the importance of proper written English. That includes when the use of it is appropriate. I feel texting and, in this example, emailing, is desensitizing our youth. Being able to express an emotion as strong as love should be done with the respect of face-to-face interaction. The upcoming generations are not able to empathize and recognize each other’s emotions properly because of the use of technology. Rejection is easy when declaration of love is easy. Feelings have lost meaning.

I’m not sure how you imagined his reaction to your email to be, but it also appears you were not considering his feelings, but only in declaring your own from the safety of a keyboard. Otherwise why would you have felt the need to apologize? What did you apologize for?

It’s the butterflies of being face-to-face that keep us in check of expressing fleeting emotions until we are relatively confident that the recipient is open to hearing them. It is also the excitement of sharing true emotions and being accepted that makes that interaction so bonding and fulfilling. Typing that emotion for the first time removes all personal interaction.
I doubt the OP would have told him to his face, which means it should not have been said at all.

I am sincere when I say Good Luck in your future face-to-face interactions. You will be nervous and uncomfortable. But in the long run it will help you to learn how to deal with emotions in person.

ucme's avatar

Y M C A

lornahayes's avatar

I think you need to get your facts right before you start jumping to conclusions.
I am not a teenager and i actually find what you are saying insulting.
I may have done something wrong but you don’t need to say things like that.
I asked for advice not criticism.

Thanks everyone else for your help.

filmfann's avatar

You are not a teenager, but you told him that you love him in an email?

Are you a tween?

GloPro's avatar

Wow. If you aren’t a teenager, and unless @filmfann pegged it with the tween, in which case you are too young to be on Fluther at all, then your lack of punctuation and capitalization is really inexcusable.
Sorry for assuming your age. I have yet to meet an adult that attempts to interpret “winking and smiling loads” as a reason to declare love. Am I wrong?

Kardamom's avatar

@lornahayes You may not like what @GloPro is telling you, but she’s 100% correct. It’s better that you learn these things now while you are young, rather than getting hurt later, when you’re an adult. If you make youthful mistakes now, you just look a bit silly, but you’ll be forgiven. If you do these kinds of things when you’re an adult, you’ll look pathetic.

You said you are not a teenager. Some of us are having a hard time believing that. Because of your use of the small letter “i” in your writing, some of us are thinking that you haven’t finished school, because in school you are supposed to learn the proper use of the word “I” and its proper capitalization. A lot of kids use the wrong version when they text because they are either lazy or they think it’s cute. It’s not cute.

This young man was probably “play flirting” with you. That means that adults treat some kids in a manner in which they are trying to be nice. In this case the fellow is almost your brother in law, but not exactly, and he probably thinks you are a nice cute kid, so he was trying to be nice to you. You took it in the wrong way, and then you went overboard and told him that you love him. That probably made him uncomfortable and you need to realize that. He probably thought it was a bit silly and childish of you to tell him that strong emotion in an email, where he couldn’t respond to you immediately and let you know that you have the wrong idea. Most adults cringe at the sight of all those little letter i’s popping up where they don’t belong. It makes us think we’re dealing with a kid.

As to us getting our facts straight, that’s where you went wrong too. That is why there is a details section to questions on Fluther. You need to tell us the facts so that we may better answer a question. Otherwise, we can only make conclusions based on what you have told us, and by looking at your writing style. It does make a difference on how you are perceived.

That being said, the next time you see him, you should muster up all your courage and say something to this guy (because you will be seeing a lot of him if your families do a lot of things together) such as, “Hey Dave, you probably think I am a bit of a twit, I was being a bit of a drama queen with that email. Let’s just go back to being friends and I’ll chill out. If that’s OK with you, now let’s go get some of that BBQ”

Try not to get too upset or defensive with any of the advice you are getting on Fluther. We’re not here to cause you any pain, we’re here to try to help you make better decisions about things. We’ve all done things that we have regretted in our youth, sometimes repeatedly. It would have been nice to have had something like Fluther back then, so that we could have avoided all of the pain.

AshLeigh's avatar

The advice given by @Kardamom is spot on.
The only thing I can add is… Next time you’re crushing on a guy, tell him in person that you like him.
Note: Do not say you love him. It is too soon for that, and will make him uncomfortable.
It’s probably too late for this guy, but just remember what everyone on this tread has said for next time.

syz's avatar

Wow, seriously, you’re an adult?

MollyMcGuire's avatar

You should do nothing. Leave the poor guy alone. Are you yet 10?

downtide's avatar

No. He used to be a friend but he’s horrified by you telling him that you love him and now he’s afraid to speak to you.

lornahayes's avatar

Thanks everyone but I am afraid you are all wrong.
I went out with this guy last Friday night and he is still a very good friend. Maybe only a friend at the moment but he is keen to have a lot more to do with me in view of taking our relationship further. It is quite clear that you shouldn’t take peoples advice 100% as they clearly don’t always understand the circumstances. Also just to make it clear i am an adult just for those who thought otherwise.

Mimishu1995's avatar

I thought the discussion ended already.

@lornahayes If you think you can go on with him then please do. Just don’t go too far like the last time. Also no one says you should take people’s advice 100%. Our advices are just suggestion. Taking them or not is up to you.

MollyMcGuire's avatar

@lornahayes We understand the circumstances as you wrote them.

lornahayes's avatar

Ok, so do expect me to write a 2000 word essay so that you can get the full picture?

MollyMcGuire's avatar

@lornahayes You came here and expected people to use their time so you could argue. You just might be a troll.

Mimishu1995's avatar

@lornahayes We don’t need any essay. What we need are some important details. Throughout the discussion, you didn’t give us some basic information from the beginning like how long you have known him. Rather, you only focus on how your feeling toward him, a bit too much. It was only when I asked that you said it. Come on, we haven’t even seen your face, and you expect us to know everything?

It’s clear that you don’t trust us so much, then why bothers to ask in the first place?

lornahayes's avatar

I came here looking for comments and help, somethings have been helpful and yes i have definitely learnt a lesson from it. I am sorry if it came across like i was arguing i had no intention of doing so.
Thanks for your comments anyway.

janbb's avatar

@lornahayes I’m glad it’s working out for you.

lornahayes's avatar

Thanks for that. Most appreciated.

GloPro's avatar

“Maybe only a friend at the moment but he is keen to have a lot more to do with me in view of taking our relationship further.”

Interesting. Confusing. There’s no rush. I’m glad you’re still good friends.

Care to tell us how old you are?

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