• This question is currently being edited.

General Question

laura98's avatar

What do you guys think?

Asked by laura98 (151 points ) 1 month ago

So I was bored and decided to write about the first idea that popped into my head. What do you guys think about this little excerpt from thoughts inside my noggin. Just tell me if you like it or how it makes you feel. Does it confuse you or make you want to understand more. shrugs shoulders Thank you to anyone who takes the time to answer.

I gasped for air. My hands clawed at his worn flannel shirt as he cradled me in his arms. I was not choking. There was not a single drop of blood flowing from my sleep-deprived body. There was no wound to be found. I was dying, yet still perfectly alive and thriving at that same moment in time. My mind was on fire and I was painfully confused. The dim light that peered through the overcast sky faded as a slow wave of darkness filled the world.

“Isaac,” I cried as I struggled to gather my thoughts.

“Caroline, you’ll be alright,” he whispered, pulling back the loose strands of hair that covered my sweat drenched forehead.

My vision slowly began to blur and I felt an uncontrollable tremor creep through my bones. The light seemed to leave the world the exact moment my body gave out. It was as if I was perfectly synchronized with the world and we were one. I clenched the collar of his shirt as my struggle was nearing its inevitable end. His golden orbs consoled me. I slowly closed my eyes and let it win the battle I had long dreaded to fight.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

3 Answers

syz's avatar

Are you asking for a critique?

bolwerk's avatar

tldm

(too long, didn’t masturbate)

laura98's avatar

I’m just asking what you thought of it, so yes I guess critique is what I’m looking for.

This discussion is closed.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther