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MatQaB12's avatar

What to do if two guys ask you to prom?

Asked by MatQaB12 (79 points ) June 2nd, 2014

Okay, this is a dilemma.. a really good friend of mine asked me to prom like 5 days ago, and I knew he wanted to go with me, because he has told me, that he is in love with me. I said yes, because I think he’s sweet and I like him. Then the other day another guy – also one of my bestest friends – asked me, if I wanted to go with him to prom.. He says, that I am the sweetest girl he knows and that he really likes me, and we really have a lot in common and that’s awesome, really. I can talk with him about everything.
Now the first guy is kind of shy, and he can only tell me what he feels while we’re texting. He could never ever come to me in real life and say something like “hey, I like you” but he’s texting with a lot of emotions. He likes me. Or likeD me.
I didn’t know what to do and I thought about it aloooot. I really want to go with the second guy, because I like him more and my friends say ‘do what YOU want to! Who do you like the most? Think about what YOU want!’ but I knew, that the first guy would be so sad about it and I didn’t want to hurt him, because I know, I’m one of the few people he trust – I don’t know if I’m still one of those people..
Well, at first I told the second guy, that another guy had already asked me, but then the second guy was like “arh, I wish I asked you before!” and if he just had asked before, I wouldn’t be in this freaking dilemma.
I said to the first guy, that I was really sorry about it, but this other guy wanted to go with me to prom and the first guy was like “It’s okay, don’t think about it” – but I don’t know if the first guy is okay, because at first we planned to go to prom together, but then I.. ugh!
Okay first… Does it make me a gigantic bitch, that I’m trying to do what I want? Is that freaking selfish and not okay? Because I’m so confused, and I think about it all the time! Prom is in like 3 weeks, and I don’t know, what to do.. I don’t want to ruin my friendship with the first guy, but I really want to go to prom with the second guy..
And second.. Is it wrong? How can I decide something, that would make everyone happy? I KNOW that you can’t please everyone, but I’m just super confused, because I didn’t think anyone would ask me to prom and then two guys do? Argh… I really don’t know.
I think it would be the best for me to go to prom with the second guy, and the first guy said it was okay – but I guess I have to talk to the first guy face to face and really ask him if he’s okay.
I don’t know if you guys even understand this question, but basically I just want to know if I am a selfish bitch because I decided what I did?.. Is it wrong? I’M JUST SUPER CONFUUUUUUUUUSED :((

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22 Answers

longgone's avatar

Go with the first guy. You’ll feel guilty if you don’t. He asked first.

You aren’t marrying him. Second guy just has to wait a little while. If he likes you, he will.

cookieman's avatar

^^ Yes, that. What @longgone said.

dabbler's avatar

I agree with both above, go with the first guy. You made a commitment, and although it’s not like the promises made when getting married it is a matter of integrity.
You like the guy and going with him will help him have more confidence and be less shy with you. Let guy #2 know that you really appreciate his invitation but that you already promised to go with fellow #1. If he takes that graciously that tells you even more about that guy for the future.

There is life after prom and if you are really meant to have more of a relationship with either of them it can develop then.

MatQaB12's avatar

Thank you so much!

JLeslie's avatar

You should have just stuck to your committment and gone with the first guy, but now the first guy knows he is actually second choice if you told him you rather go with the second guy. if you can stick with the date with the first one, and it isn’t weird, I think that is best.

The second guy should have asked sooner, but he didin’t. That is a lesson for him. He certainly can ask you to go out on a date somewhere else.

If you all are friends then hopefully you will be able to dance with other boys besides the date you arrived with and everyone will just function as a group in the end, rather then it being strict pairings. But, do be sure to show your date the proper attention and respect while out with him.

lornahayes's avatar

The second guy will respect you if you tell him you made the promise to the first guy.
Go for it and have a great time.

CWOTUS's avatar

Welcome to Fluther.

You have to make up your mind.

lornahayes's avatar

Yes, make up your mind and stick to it.

zenvelo's avatar

Too late, you can’t keep going back and forth. You said yes to the first guy, and then broke your word. You can’t put that genie back in the bottle.

And right now you don’t have a confirmed date with either of them? You better go talk to #1 today, and see if he will still take you. You’ve already told #2 he was too late.

At this rate you might not have a date, and quite frankly that is what you deserve. It’s not nice to play with people’s time and emotions, they are not waiting around for you to make up your mind.

lornahayes's avatar

If the second guy really likes you that much he will come back for a date another time.

MollyMcGuire's avatar

You have already accepted an invitation. Do not break that date to go with another guy. Very bad idea…...poor social etiquette. You write like you’ve never dated.

Espiritus_Corvus's avatar

How about a little lurve for the new member, @MatQaB12 , if you think she’s asked a great question—which obviously you all do as evidenced by your interest. We keep forgetting to do that. It’s important to newbies.

Welcome to Fluther, @MatQaB12

GloPro's avatar

Are you interested in dating either of them? You refer to both as your bestest best friends, even though you apparently like the second guy more. It sounds like you run the risk of hurting someone’s feelings if you are uncomfortable telling them how you feel. If the first guy is texting you all of this emotional crap that he can’t say to your face then I would be hesitant to go to prom with him and find a way to put a stop to the forward texting. Unless you are interested in dating. I get that he is shy, but by allowing him to pour out emotion hiding behind a screen you are leading him on. He gets to profess love without rejection, which will eventually backfire and cause him to be doubly hurt. Careful there.
The second guy is now experiencing the thrill of the chase. Instinctually, he wants you to pick him because it makes him the ‘winner.’ He may genuinely care for you, but be aware of this natural drive to come out on top.

Just a couple of things to consider. I have no idea who you should pick. Just be honest and don’t play games. If you want to date the second boy tell the first one as much, since you don’t appear to want to date him. Tell him NOW so that he has an opportunity to find another date in the next three weeks.

And because this is a sensitive issue that deserves respect, please don’t text your answers to either boy. Be brave and talk face-to-face.

MatQaB12's avatar

Hey, I don’t know if anyone here is interested in how it all turns out, blah blah, but anyways.. I told the second guy that I could not go with him to prom, because well, the first guy asked first and that was the plan from the start. :) So yeah, I’m going with the first guy, and it’s gonna be great!

- AND THANK YOU ALL, I really appreciate all of your answers! Fluther is awesome, man :oo

GloPro's avatar

You make it look so easy! Have a great prom.

Dutchess_III's avatar

He is really going to respect you for that @MatQaB12! Good for you.

longgone's avatar

Good for you. Fluther is great. Stick around! :]

cookieman's avatar

Great! Have a good time — and welcome to the lagoon.

CWOTUS's avatar

Be sure to come back often when you start dating the second guy, then start dreaming about the first guy, and need to know “What does that mean?”

I’m glad you resolved this honorably. That’s important.

dabbler's avatar

@zenvelo A tad harsh, I think. I’d agree with you totally if @MatQaB12 seemed to have more experience with dating. I get the sense this is new territory and a chance to learn something.
I think it’s a good sign that @MatQaB12 cares and asked for advice, otherwise she could be taking both of these guys for a hurtful ride.

CWOTUS's avatar

Or “he” could be, @dabbler. “He could be taking two guys”, etc.

ragingloli's avatar

Why not go with both? Maybe they are willing to share.

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