General Question

emanuelegomes's avatar

Teacher-student friendship/relationship?

Asked by emanuelegomes (296 points ) 2 months ago

Recently I moved out and I told some teachers in depth what I’m dealing with and I got emotional, cried, and they ended up giving me their number, (three male teachers separately) and said that if I need anything to call them.. how should I look at this as? I really do like all my teachers and love how caring they are, but should I be worried or no?

btw: I’m a senior, 18 and graduating this month

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22 Answers

DWW25921's avatar

What could possibly go wrong? Honestly though, it’s one thing to offer to help and it’s another thing to actually do something. Give one of them a call and I bet one of two things will happen. They’ll either try to “get with” you or they’ll blow you off.

chyna's avatar

What exactly are you looking for from these teachers that you broke down in front of? If you feel like there may be sexual overtures, don’t call them.

GloPro's avatar

Did you confide in any female teachers?

kimchi's avatar

they were probably giving you their number to be nice…. But I don’t think you should contact them. At all! It’s illegal for a teacher to have a relationship with a student.

funkdaddy's avatar

People offering to help someone who just showed distress and vulnerability is not a sign of a predator.

Someone breaking down in front of an authority figure repeatedly could be a fairly obvious cry for help, and shouldn’t be ignored. They were obliged to do something and their options are essentially to refer you to someone else or offer to help personally if you feel overwhelmed again. You’re an adult on your own and they tried to treat you like one, don’t read too much into it.

They most likely do not want anything more than to make sure you’re all right.

gailcalled's avatar

Male high school teachers, if seeing an 18-year-old female student in emotional distress, refer the student to the school counsellor or dean. (So do female staff members).

If a female student goes to three separate male teachers and weeps in front of each of them, that is two too many. They do not give the student their phone numbers. High schools have systems in place to help students in need. and phoning male staff members on private numbers is definitely not one of them

PriceisRightx26's avatar

I wouldn’t read too much into it, though I wouldn’t contact them via phone or outside of school, either. I’ve had many teachers, male and female, give me contact info; I don’t think it’s a huge deal. But from the sounds of it, you speculate an agenda. Avoid that mess.

There are many professionals that can help you with your problem who won’t cause trouble for either of you—pick those people.

susanc's avatar

Following up on Gail’s correct response, I’d like you to go to the school counselor unless that person is a known failure, and ask for support from him or her.
Yes, your teachers probably were trying to be nice, but all of them dropped the ball – they
should have sent you to this person who could listen better and give you practical advice.
Instead they offered to be available by phone – this is not really help, it just confused you, and it confuses me too.
Confusion is the last thing you need right now.
Really. Try the counselor. There will be some experience there and that can be really reassuring.
Good for you, for checking with us. We’re safe and sincere. Good luck and hey, let us know how it goes.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Steer clear of any after school hours, off school premises help/support. It may turn out to be a simple shoulder to cry on BUT it could also be the start of complicated issue that will just cause further distress. Keep a mature attitude.

funkdaddy's avatar

Maybe the OP can clarify, but two quick assumptions here

1) Public schools generally do not have an administrator who is there for the general good. Our school had a principal who was in charge of discipline and a counselor who was there to make sure you could go to college if you wanted to. Counselors for life issues were generally shared between schools and only around one or two days a week. You could schedule time, but it had to be in advance. Having a teacher you could count on was a big deal.
2) Class here ends on the 6th, so assuming she lives somewhere similar, she’s no longer a student very soon… she will not go to school, the counselor will not be available. The counselor’s options will be similar to the teacher’s, refer her to someone else outside the school system or give out a contact that is good after school ends.

Seek's avatar

Is this about your issues with your parents, and your efforts to move out?

I’m going to give the teachers the benefit of the doubt and believe they gave you their phone numbers in case you’re in need of a letter of recommendation for a job or an apartment. Anything beyond that would be overstepping the teacher/student relationship.

hearkat's avatar

@funkdaddy – I’m not sure when you got out of school, but my son graduated 5 years ago, and the Guidance Counselors would also help with personal or family problems and if it was beyond their capabilities, would bring in one of the psychologists for the district. They are trained to handle emotional issues for kids these days, since a to of kids have problems at home, or to address things like bullying in the schools. When I graduated HS 30 years ago, it was more like what you described.

Judi's avatar

Wow. The school counsel or sat my sons school were a joke and I had to BEG to get the school psychologist to evaluate him! Actually threaten with legal action but that’s a story for another question.

cookieman's avatar

I’ve been a (college) instructor and department chair for fourteen years.

Students (male & female) cry in my office fairly regularly. Stress at school, home issues, medical issues.

I council them on academics only and how their problem may effect them academically. For all other types of counseling, I walk them down to student services.

And, I would never give a student my personal contact information. Very unprofessional.

LostInParadise's avatar

@emanuelegomes , Let’s be realistic here. Suppose you did call one of these teachers. What kind of help do you think that they could give? No matter how I look at this, it does not pass the smell test. At best, they were making empty promises to calm you down, and at worst, I would prefer not to think about it.

If you need help on something specific, you are better off asking here on Fluther, where you are protected by your anonymity and are likely to find someone knowledgeable who can provide assistance.

emanuelegomes's avatar

To clarify as to why I spoke to three male teachers is because:
My school is a strict school with this program ISS (in school suspension) I was in that because I forged my father’s signature for a senior trip because he allowed me to do so, then after I moved out he contacted my teacher via email and told them he never allowed me to go. I got in trouble for that and was put in the ISS. I stay in a classroom from 7:30 – 3:05 (school starts at 7:30 and ends at 4:00) and teachers take shifts each period looking after the kids. I was the only one in that ISS class and so all the teachers that covered were men. The male to female ratio in my school when it comes to teachers is like 3:1
and every time a new teacher came in for their shift they’d ask the usual hows everything why are you in here. With three teachers I felt really comfortable and their questions hit home and made me cry and just vent. It wasn’t consecutive though. And one teacher really just gave me his Facebook name.
@LostInParadise if I ever called any teacher it’d probably be for advice because all the teachers that gave me their cell number or fb name told me they moved out at 18 as well.

GloPro's avatar

You deserve to be in ISS for forging a signature. Given the previous history provided by you, I have trouble believing your father gave you permission to forge his signature or go on the trip. Either way, you are 18 and legally an adult. Why would you need his signature?

Your facts are starting to sound questionable. I suppose there are 3 sides to every story, aren’t there?

emanuelegomes's avatar

@GloPro didn’t really ask if I deserved ISS or not. He didn’t give me permission to forge, he gave me permission to go and then after the argument went down between him and I he changed his mind and emailed my teacher….

GloPro's avatar

It doesn’t matter if he gave you permission or not if you don’t live with him and you’re 18. You said he emailed AFTER you moved out.

You are correct, you didn’t ask if you deserve ISS or not. I’m simply stating it appears there are holes in your bucket.
You stated he allowed you to do so, in reference to the forging.

To keep this on subject… It appears you spent your whole day in ISS crying to each teacher about your situation. What a waste of the point of In School Suspension. Your teachers acted inappropriately in their roles as your instructors, both in class (by letting you vent all damn day) and by giving out personal information.
I am not minimalizing what a tough spot you are in, but suck it up. Many of us have been there. I moved out at 17 and paid my own way ever since. I got through college with no debt working my tail of with no handouts. You appear to be doing your best and just got a job (congrats). Stop crying to everyone about it… Especially your teachers. Get tough. You’re doing great. Do not call them.

Seek's avatar

The school might need to have it on paper that she is living on her own now. As it is, she’s registered as living under her father’s roof. She should have a meeting with the school registrar and find out what needs to be done in order to be able to sign her own releases.

GloPro's avatar

Meh, she graduates this month. It’s more trouble than it’s worth with all of the trouble she’s stated getting a bill in her name, a driver’s license, etc. By the time she gets her first paycheck with her new address on it she’ll be outta there anyway.
I was in ISS several times in high school. It is kind of a joke. Our ISS teacher was fired for having a sexual relationship with an 18 year old senior. Go figure.

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