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tomironi123's avatar

I need help with this girl. Please help me before tomorrow!

Asked by tomironi123 (10 points ) June 10th, 2014

Hey!

For the last 5 months I have really started liking this girl in my school. She started to show some interest as well, and we even found out that we have so much in common. Literally, everything is the same. It was the first time I really started liking someone and it was difficult for me to cope with the pressure on talking with her. However, she didn’t look like she minded it. About ⅔ months ago she received a letter from me which explained the whole thing. I wrote how I like her and everything. She just replied with some comments like ‘Oh… that is sweet of you’. However, she said that she felt she was too young for dating and stuff like that. So I have left it and rather recently, she started to show some interest again. My friends heard her speaking over about ‘him’, and I know that she doesn’t talk to any other boy at all, except me. So I have decided that this is the best time to tell her that I like her.

After school, we were going to talk whilst walking up the hill. We have this huge hill between two of our schools. I wanted to lead up to telling her that I like her. So I talked about a ‘girl’ (which she doesn’t know it’s her) and how I have ruined my chances with ‘HER’. I spoke of how I feel guilty that I didn’t spend enough time with ‘HER’ and that I didn’t give ‘HER’ enough time. So then the girl that I like started saying things how she can relate to my feeling and how she thinks it’s not me that is being bad, it’s the girl that is not realizing. Of course, the girl I like thought I was talking about someone else. Then I was about to tell her that I was actually talking about her but unfortunately, due to some bad circumstances it didn’t work out. The girl I like also said this…

“I still respect you for trusting me with a girl you like. If it was me, I would have told you about him, rather than who he is. I don’t need to know who it is because it’s your life.”

Which threw me off, and I started to automatically think that she doesn’t like me. However, I am so confused. She done all of this stuff like had her friends asking me. She also never cared about anyone as much as me. Whenever I was sad or lonely she was the first to walk up. She always says ‘hi’ enthusiastically and knows that she can trust me. She ALWAYS smiles at least when we see each other. She also always tells me that she misses talking to me. I am really confused on whether she actually likes me or not. Before I go to school tomorrow, I want to know your opinion. I know for a fact that tomorrow I will tell her that I like her because I had enough of this prolonging, but I really want to know if you guys think there is another approach I should take towards her other than from mine.

Thanks a lot,

Tom

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8 Answers

Dutchess_III's avatar

Just keep it friendly, and keep talking to her. Let it evolve naturally. And please, don’t play games. When the other person realizes what you’re doing, they feel stupid. That can be a deal breaker.

CWOTUS's avatar

Welcome to Fluther.

Look, we have all had first loves, n th loves, temporary and momentary crushes and forever loves (well, some of us have had all of that, but I suppose most of us have only had most of that). We get it: the intensity of your feeling, your consideration that “this has to be” and “she gets me” and all of that. Not to downplay or disregard your feelings, but they don’t have to be explained to us in excruciating detail.

If you’re a decent sort of person, which I’m going to assume only because that’s my default position on treating with people that I don’t know, then it’s safe to assume that if she is also a decent sort of person and has been willing to spend some time with you, then she probably likes you at least a little bit. Enjoy that; don’t make too much of it, and don’t press the relationship to “produce” (however you define “production” in this regard) more than it’s capable of.

At your current age, you should pretty much let that be for now. Don’t place over-much significance in every perceived attitude, overheard snatches of conversation, things that others say or do, etc. Just enjoy her company when she spends her time with you, and let things develop. Enjoy her company. Enjoy the feelings that she precipitates in you. Enjoy other things and other people, too. Do your homework. Listen to your teachers. Let her do those things, too. Spend some time apart, and don’t spend every waking moment thinking of her. (If you do think of her all the time now, then you’re doing it wrong.)

The story-telling and puzzles and trying to decipher if you tell her “x” and she responds with “y” and the tea leaves are just so… let that go. Your attempt to be subtle and mysterious is more transparent than you can even imagine. (Really, you’ll look back on this discussion in forty or fifty years and cringe when you recall it. Don’t ask me how I know that – and don’t make too many assumptions, either.)

Don’t you dare tell her that “you like her”. Of course she knows that! If you tell her that it’s like telling her “The sky is blue today; the grass is green.” If you want her to think that you regard her as so simple as needing to be told that… heaven help you.

Darth_Algar's avatar

Don’t complicate it. The simplest, most straightforward approach is the best. No need to dilly-dally around about, although it sounds like you’ve been doing that for quite some time already (and thus, I suspect you’re already friend-zoned).

LostInParadise's avatar

I think it is obvious that she likes you, at least as a friend. Since you wrote her a letter, she obviously already knows how you feel. The good news is that you did not scare her away.

Build on your friendship. Keep it cool. Don’t play any silly games. At some point you might ask casually ask her if she thinks she is ready for dating. I am guessing you are in your early teens. I can recall what it was like to get obsessed with someone at that age. You will get through this. If she only likes you as a friend then enjoy the friendship and look for someone else to go out with.

kritiper's avatar

Don’t get your hopes up and don’t push it by getting in a hurry. Be a friend and give it time!

marinelife's avatar

OK, you goofed with your lead up and obfuscation of who you were talking about. You blew it. She was trapped into saying those things even if she liked you because you were untruthful.

What to do now? Ask her to go for coffee or a soda and just tell her honestly that you were nervous and so you blew it. That you like her and would like to see more of her. Then see what she says.

rory's avatar

It sounds like she is nervous about dating, and it sounds like she still is. But it also sounds like she really values your friendship and trust me, that is really important. I’m sure part of her still suspects you like her, but she’s unsure. You’ve demonstrated that you’re a good guy though, in how you talked about your crush as a person.

Don’t think of her as someone who can be ruined for you, or like a conquest. Value her friendship and give her time, and eventually let her come to you.

Jonesn4burgers's avatar

I don’t know how old you are, but I have a daughter in jr. high. She is constantly worried about who likes her, who let her down, and who will stay friends with her forever. There are boys who like her quite a lot. It is a time of very confusing changes in your life. You are going to school without a parent holding your hand, and you are feeling glad for the freedom of not being a little kid anymore. However, you are now faced with stuff which is new, but parents don’t hold your hand for the new things you face anymore, good thing, right?
The thing which bugs my daughter most is worry about liking a boy, and then have him want to make moves on her which she is not ready to deal with. She would say no if a situation called for it, but it makes her feel like a creep, and she doesn’t want to be put on the spot.
I would suppose your girl feels quite like that. Quit playing game show with her. t is hard to stick your heart out in front of someone, for fear it will be harmed, but she is feeling pretty vulnerable too. No more clues. Come right out and express yourself. You are not protecting yourself from any pain, you are simply diluting your results.
Buy her ice cream (That’s how Barack got Michelle!), then talk with her straight out. Of course, be alone when you do. She will be relieved to have you be honest, and ice cream can’t hurt. ;-)

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