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laura98's avatar

Why isn't he texting back?

Asked by laura98 (156 points ) 1 month ago

So I recently hung out with this guy( if you read my previous question you will get a more in depth understanding of the matter at hand) and he seemed to have a really good time with me, or at least that’s what it seemed like. We hung out a few times before, but it was mainly for him to tutor me or just a quick walk to get ice cream, etc.

From my texting experiences with him, I can tell he isn’t much of a texter and he usually only would text me first if it had to do with tutoring. However, I really wanted to just make a friendship with him after tutoring had ended. So I invited him places and we just hung out about a week ago. However, I don’t want to make him uncomfortable or put him in a situation where he feels awkward, so I try not to ask him to hang out too much.

I waited a week to text him again to hang out, which I thought wasn’t too early to ask again and he never answered me back. All I did was ask him if he wanted to come to my birthday dinner. I decided to leave it at that and not let it bother me. However, my friend basically insisted I just text him hey the day after the birthday text, which I did and I regret it because I feel creepy.

Well he never responded to that either and that was 3 days ago. I know there is a list of possibilities other than the fact that he is ignoring me, but I just feel upset about it. He seemed to have a lot of fun when he was with me and I really enjoyed his company. I don’t really have any friends at all and I’m super lonely, so it was wonderful to have someone like him to spend my time with.

I just don’t understand what I’ve done wrong. I’ve done my best to not be assertive or “needy” I suppose and making friends is just so hard for me because they always go away after awhile. Does anyone have any ideas on what I can do? Or why he isn’t answering?

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11 Answers

Mimishu1995's avatar

Calm down girl. Maybe he has some big business to attend to. You can’t tell because you can’t contact him right now.

Don’t text so much. It may annoys him.

longgone's avatar

I just read your previous question, and my immediate thought was that it won’t be smart to make this boy your one and only friend. You need different sources of happiness. It is too big a burden for him to be the only one. Can you find friends with similar interests first?

Why end the tutoring?

SecondHandStoke's avatar

“Maybe he’s just not that into you.”

Simply ignoring you is cowardly however.

GloPro's avatar

Texting is a poor way to communicate if your goal is to progress your relationships. Now you are left with all of these questions, not knowing if he even got the texts, and feeling like you have contacted him too much to pick up the phone and call.

Now you just have to wait until you see him at church and strike up conversation in public and pretend like you haven’t been stressing over text messages. Ask him about your birthday dinner in person. If it has already passed then casually mention that you missed having him at your birthday.

My advice in general is to stop using text messaging to make friends. Phone calls allow you to hear someone’s tone and intention, and will create stronger bonds. You can text once you know each other.

trailsillustrated's avatar

Because he doesn’t care. Sorry. Leave it alone, you’ll feel better.

gailcalled's avatar

I can’t add anything more than what @GloPro and @trailsillustrated have offered.

I did notice this however; However, my friend basically insisted I just text him, “Hey” the day after the birthday text, which I did and I regret it because I feel creepy.

First, you must learn how, right now, to never let any friend insist that you do anything you don’t want to. No one should ever have that much power over you. If if happens again, insist back that the friend stop bullying you. That is one way of not appearing needy…to be a strong independent young person.

And second, if I am intertpreting your sentence correctly, you texted him a message that said only, “Hey”? I can easily understand why a 16-year-old boy would ignore that.

Do you have a summer job or some volunteer work you can do when school is out?

(Now I am guessing, but this kid may sense that you are obsessing about him. Boys his age tend to avoid or run rather than volunteer for lengthy discourses on the subtleties of feelings.)

gailcalled's avatar

edit: interpreting

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

I have found that if someone is truly interested in you, whether it be for friendship or something more, they will put forth effort and attempt to get in contact with you. If you’ve reached out to him several times already with no response, I would move on.

LostInParadise's avatar

That he was willing to hang with you after the tutoring indicates that he at least likes you as a friend. My feeling is that he is not ready for any relationship at the moment, and he may feel that seeing you more frequently would head in that direction. You are just going to have to let this slide. Will you be needing him again for tutoring?

Kardamom's avatar

Because boys can sometimes be really cold to girls, without even meaning to hurt their feelings. He probably isn’t interested in you in any romantic way and he probably senses that you do like him in a romantic way. Instead of talking to you about it, or texting you about it. He just decided that the easiest way out for him was to ignore you and hope that you stop.

I agree with the others that texting is a very poor means of real communication. When you already know where you stand with someone, texting can be a convenient way of saying stuff like, “Hey Bob, I’ll meet you at the cineplex at 5 PM” but it’s a horrible means of trying to find out how someone really feels about you. That must be done in person, or at least on the phone.

Sometimes the context of a text is not there so you can’t figure out how the other person feels or what he is thinking, because you can’t see their body language or the tone of their voice. Also, unless you have a real conversation, on the phone or in person, you can never really know if they saw your text. If he did see your text and is ignoring you, you’re going to look very desperate and needy if you ask him about whether or not he got it.

I agree with the others that said you should go up to him next time you see him and say, “Hey Bob, missed you at my birthday party the other night.” and then see how he replies. He might say, “Oh did you have a party?” then you can say, “Yeah, didn’t you get my text?” and he’ll either say yes or no. The other response he might give is just “Yeah” and that is an indication that he got your text, but had no interest in going to your party and would have never bothered to tell you. If that’s how he responds, give up on this guy.

Also, find some more new friends, preferably girls. Not just one, but a few. It’s better to have a few good female friends than one iffy guy who you can’t figure out.

Lovefirst's avatar

Maybe he doesnt have any minutes on his phone

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