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ZEPHYRA's avatar

Have you or somebody you know ever married someone either extremely well-off or someone very poor?

Asked by ZEPHYRA (15942 points ) July 12th, 2014

What problems were faced, did it last? Comments?

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14 Answers

Dan_Lyons's avatar

Yes, my dad’s gold digging girlfriend finally tricked the old codger into marrying her (just before his lung cancer operation).

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

Holy smokes Bullwinkle, I have seen plenty people marry when very poor, and I cannot begin to describe the troubles they had. If there were kids, then the problem compounds. Paying bills is one of the biggest problems; that has a residual effect of spilling over to recreational spending or ”wants”. If they have a vehicle it is usually a beater they are afraid will breakdown majorly and not be able to be repaired. Children who want toys and such they can’t provide, having to rely on food banks, soup kitchens, and other charities to eat. The lack of money and how to spread those precious dollars leads to arguments and fights. To survive all of that you have to be very strong willed.

canidmajor's avatar

@ZEPHYRA: Are you asking about a marriage of socio-economic unequals?

If so, yes, a number of them. One example: A wealthy friend married a man of lower middle class origins and was disowned and cut-off by her family. What they couldn’t take away from her was her education and native intelligence, and she managed to not only work well herself, but manage her husband’s small contracting business into a profitable concern. Their standard of living is nowhere near as extravagant as what she grew up with, but they are happy and able, with some scholarships, to put both their kids through college.

FlyingWolf's avatar

Yep, I went from a comfortable upper-middle class existence to being a single parent to marrying someone who is poor. We have lived significantly below the poverty level for a family our size for a little over three years while I finished school. Fortunately my husband does a fabulous job of managing the funds we do have so I don’t feel at all deprived and if my kids have they’ve never given indication of it. I have become a great shopper and have learned that I don’t need to spend all kinds of money to be happy. My kids are doing well, I am very happily married, and I am no worse off for not having TIVO or a brand new car.

I am starting a full-time job in a couple of weeks and I am pretty sure that even though our income will be doubling, our standard of living will stay the same and I’m ok with that.

BeenThereSaidThat's avatar

I have a relative who got married right out of high school in the 1960’s. Everyone thought they were doomed. The man ended up very very successful and today they are loaded! They are coming close to their 50th wedding anniversary. A true rags to riches story.

They do a lot for a number of charities and are pretty well known where I live. No inherited money, just hard work and good decisions.

talljasperman's avatar

My parents…. my mom’s family was poor (my grandpa was a plumber looking after 6 people) and my dad’s family was rich (owned 3 businesses plus a military pension and only needed to pay for one son and a wife). My parents divorced after 11 years.

jca's avatar

Someone in my family (I am leaving off the type of relation because of my paranoia about friends and relatives figuring out who I am) married a rich man who designs and manufactures custom _______. They’ve been married for almost 30 years. I know she loves being rich and all that it offers – the homes, the cars, the vacations, the clothes, the status. She’s one who always took care of herself and her looks and she doesn’t mind always being “done up.”

filmfann's avatar

My wife was on welfare when we married. She couldn’t afford her section 8 rent, and had a child in tow.
She has always feared that she will end up homeless, even today when that is obviously not gonna happen.

Pandora's avatar

My husband and I were extremely poor. We never went on welfare, we just walked a lot before we could afford a car and we only spent money on necessities. We lived in a trailer for a while and couldn’t afford heat through the winter but we did without phone, cable. We listen to radio for entertainment and watch tv over airwaves. We ate lots of eggs to substitute for the meat we couldn’t afford to buy and warmed the house by boiling water to let the ice melt off the door so it would open. And one small heater to heat the bathroom when we showered and electric blanket to keep us warm at night.

There were many trials and struggles. But we found that nothing could break us so long as we had each others backs. Money makes life easier and it can make things difficult, but love makes struggles bearable. To know that someone always has your back through good times and bad times can give you unimaginable strength to grow and persevere. That and having a goal you both share helps.

We have been married for 32 year, actually have an ok savings, our children are grown and both have good jobs and and a college education , and we have more than we need. And we both feel that we could lose every possession tomorrow and it won’t kill us and we can pick ourselves up and build our lives again so long as we are together. We will find a way. But losing each other and or our children and we lose everything we value most. We wouldn’t know how to recover.

cazzie's avatar

I married a man who was wealthy but he kept me poor because of his very bad money management and disregard. Me and the kid lived on what ever I could scrape together or what ever he felt he could spare to give me that month for groceries, while he bought himself what he wanted and traveled the world for his job, living in expensive hotels and eating in fancy restaurants and taking side trips on his days off, like renting a Harley Davidson in South Africa. I sat home with no car, very little money for food, had to buy clothes from charity shops. I often went without dinner or doctor visits.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

@cazzie well, despite being given a chance which turned out to be empty and of more harm than good, you clearly made it on your own, stood on your own feet. He obviously didn’t contribute to much!

anniereborn's avatar

I am poor, I married a man who is poor. We will likely stay poor. Sure, finances are a major stress. But we are a great team, even when the chips are down. We don’t have the most romantic relationship, but we are best friends and partners. We stick together through thick and thin and have for almost ten years.
My first marriage was to a man who made plenty of money while I made little. We actually lasted 12 years. But it was a pretty unhappy 12 years.

Hypocrisy_Central's avatar

@Pandora There were many trials and struggles. But we found that nothing could break us so long as we had each others backs.
What does that speak of couples who have more but when tough times come they bail? They have to go from a quality apartment or small house to a trailer with no heat and “rabbit ears”, and one says they are gone, did they ever really love their mate?

anniereborn's avatar

Good question @Hypocrisy_Central This happened to me.

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