General Question

dina_didi's avatar

A friend of mine leaves the room to answer his phone. Why?

Asked by dina_didi (1054 points ) 1 month ago

A friend of mine has left the room to speak to his phone twice. The first time we were hanging out with another friend and he answered the phone in the bathroom. I thought it was because there was noise in the room. After that he said he had to leave early to go to his house because his parents called and asked him to do something. The second time we were buying coffee and he left the store to talk to his phone. I am not tactless. I don’t know why he is doing this. Why could he do that? Have you done something like that in the past? Why?

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42 Answers

ucme's avatar

They’re called mobile phones over here for a reason, take the call with you if you wish.

dappled_leaves's avatar

Either he is trying to be polite, or he has something to hide from you. Probably the former.

What do you mean by “I am not tactless”?

dina_didi's avatar

I mean that I felt like he has to hide something or that he believes that I am listening to what he is talking about.

elbanditoroso's avatar

He doesn’t want you to hear what he is saying. Respect the fact that he wants to make that decision. You have no right to expect him to stay in the room with you.

Are you a controlling person? Is he a boyfriend? (not that it would matter)

Pachy's avatar

In a world where inconsiderate people talk on their phones in front of others everywhere, anytime, I would think you’d appreciate your friend’s courtesy rather than complain about it.

dappled_leaves's avatar

@dina_didi Not sure how that relates to being tactless.

XOIIO's avatar

I hate talking in front of other people, it’s distracting, and leaving the room ensures they wont try to talk to you if they forget you are on the phone or something.

dina_didi's avatar

@elbanditoroso I respect that. But it started recently and made me thinking why he is doing that. I understand that there are personal things we don’t want other people to know but we are hiding from somebody we feel that is listening to what we are saying.

hominid's avatar

Leaving the room to answer the phone is always the appropriate thing to do.

GloPro's avatar

I agree with @hominid. Leaving the room is polite. Expecting everyone to pause what they are doing for you to answer your phone is rude.

Even if he is keeping secrets or believes you to be nosy, it’s his decision and shouldn’t bother you either way.

filmfann's avatar

Just because people can get phone calls anywhere they go doesn’t mean they still don’t want privacy.

SQUEEKY2's avatar

I step away or leave the room, I tend to talk a bit loud on the phone and I can concentrate on the call and not the people around me, that’s why most time unless I am expecting an important call, my damn cell phone is turned off when I am with friends.

LuckyGuy's avatar

My phone is on vibrate so when I’m with someone I, alone, know it is ringing. I will let it go to voice mail unless it is work (a different signal) and then I will walk to another room so whatever activity was going on may continue uninterrupted.

dina_didi's avatar

I am sorry if that sounded rude. I don’t demand from others to do what I want and I have not complained to anybody about that. Everybody must respect others privacy. I wanted to know if he believes I am nosy and if there is something I can do to correct it. Now I see that many of you do this makes me think that it is probably not personal.

canidmajor's avatar

It’s the polite thing to do. If you have company in your home and you need to answer the phone, it is polite to leave the room. Your friend is simply not imposing an outside conversation.

UnholyThirst's avatar

Tisk tisk…the man can be hiding something or finding something that’s been hidden from him.

jonsblond's avatar

Your friend could be hiding something from you, but how are we supposed to know this?

I think it’s rude to have a telephone conversation in front of others. It’s difficult to have a conversation when there are others in the room and it’s distracting for everyone. The conversation is meant for those who are on the telephone, not everyone else. Don’t get me started on people who always use their speakerphone. ugh

MagicalMystery's avatar

Maybe what you suspect is that he is getting calls from other girls. He may be getting calls from other girls or he may be not wanting to have you listen to whatever he is discussing with his parents or whomever. Nobody here has any way of knowing.

I think your use of the word is tactless is incorrect. I think you meant to use another word.

dina_didi's avatar

@jonsblond and @MagicalMystery By tactless I meant nosy. Of course you don’t know exactly why he is doing that. I wanted to know if that has happened to you and tell me why that happens if you had any idea. Some people gave me some good ideas why he did it. But I think there is no need to worry after all. If he has a problem I believe he will talk with me and if he wants to be polite I have no problem with that.
Thank you all for your help!

GloPro's avatar

You could always casually ask “Who was that?” When he returned. Judge his reaction.

I don’t recommend it, but a ton of women do it. Some guys don’t care. Most feel controlled or defensive, even if it was just mom.

marinelife's avatar

I think your friend is showing an old-fashioned courtesy that you aren’t used to. If, in addition, he is apologizing for taking a call while with you, he is perfect.

DipanshiK's avatar

I guess he has a private life. Thaaaat..would be a plausible explanation!
I don’t mean to be rude but I think he has a life of his own and he can talk to whoever he wants, wherever he wants. Let’s look on the bright side, he might be organising a surprise party for you !
I hope that helps.

jonsblond's avatar

@dina_didi I’m assuming you are all teenagers? Is this something new that your friend has been doing when he answers the phone? Did he used to answer his phone in the same room with his friends, but now he leaves the room? If this is new behavior, then yes he is keeping something private. Maybe he lied to his parents about his location? Maybe he’s talking to someone else and he doesn’t want that person to know who he is with?

dina_didi's avatar

@jonsblond we are not teenagers. Yes, he has done it two times, it is a new behaviour. I agree, it could be many things. I hope there is nobody who doesn’t want him to be with his friends. Anyway I will see how things will go and I hope I will figure out if there is a problem. Thank you!

SadieMartinPaul's avatar

“I hope I will figure out if there is a problem.”

Maybe the caller has a problem that’s personal, sensitive, and not to be discussed in front of someone else.

I always leave the room to take a phone call. It’s rude to have a conversation while someone’s sitting in the same room and being ignored. It’s also loud and uncomfortable to hear one side of a conversation; the stranded person can’t read a magazine or watch TV while waiting. Il a make a brief comment (“I’ll be right back,” or “Sorry, I need to take this. I’ll keep it brief.”) on my way out. Then, I do keep it quick.

Kardamom's avatar

All phone calls are, and should be private. Leaving the room when one receives a call is the polite thing to do.

I get the feeling that you think this fellow, who you describe as a “friend” is more than that to you. I think you like him as more than a friend and you’re feeling jealous that he might be talking to other girls. He probably is and he doesn’t want you listening in on the conversation.

Even if he was your boyfriend, his phone messages are and should be private and it’s nice of him to walk out of the room to have the phone conversation instead of yakking to someone in front of real live people, that would be rude.

If there is some other problem, such as this guy cheating on you (only he can’t cheat on you because he’s not your boyfriend) then that is some other kind of problem that needs to be worked out.

As just a friend, do you feel you have the right to know who he is talking to? If so, why?

dina_didi's avatar

@Kardamom as I said before, he is a friend of mine and I don’t want to know everything. If he wants to hide something he can. I have no problem. I wanted to know why could somebody do that, because of the person he was talking to or the people near him. I felt like he thought I was nosy because he did not used to leave the room and that happened when I was near those two times. But now I realized that if he has a problem, I can’t do something about it and he can tell me what bothers him.

Coloma's avatar

I wouldn’t assume anything, many people want their privacy when taking a call.
I agree that phone calls are private and I too, automatically leave the room if I get a call, of any kind, in the presence of others. I’d hate to have someone think I was hiding something just because I prefer to talk in private with whomever it is that calls.

trailsillustrated's avatar

My bf does this! Do I think he’s hiding something? No. I think he wants to take the call in private, and not be distracted. I never ask about it when he returns.

Kardamom's avatar

@dina_didi You said:

But now I realized that if he has a problem, I can’t do something about it and he can tell me what bothers him.

It doesn’t sound like he has a problem or that anything is bothering him. It sounds like you have a problem with him wanting his privacy on his own phone calls. He probably is talking to other girls and he doesn’t want you listening. Unless your his girlfriend, which you said you were not, it shouldn’t bother you at all, yet it does. Do you like this guy as more than a friend?

I guess the part that we are all missing, is why would this fellow’s polite gesture, to leave the room to take a call, bother you at all? Fill us in.

Here’s a thought. Why not just ask, “Hey Jake, why do you feel the need to leave the room when you take a call? It’s kind of been bugging me and I was wondering if you thought I was trying to eavesdrop on your call.” Then see what he has to say. I think his answer will tell you everything you need to know.

dina_didi's avatar

I just had a question. Nothing serious. It stopped concerning me hours before as I told you before. I only needed to talk about it and hear some ideas. Thats all…

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

I only read half the responses but I think it depends on your relationship with you. If he is your boyfriend/partner and he has suddenly started leaving the room – he’s hiding something and I would certainly want to know why.

If he is just a friend, he’s probably being polite or perhaps he doesn’t want to share the contents of his calls with you for some reason.

MagicalMystery's avatar

I think he is talking to girls, but there’s nothing wrong with you admitting if you like him. Heck, probably 50% of the marriages in the world began with someone liking someone else LOL.

People won’t call me on my cell unless it’s important, but I realize this is not the typical way most people use cell phones. If I get a call, I have no problem answering it in front of someone else. However, my conversation will go something like this: “Hi mom. How are you? Listen, I’m out with my work friends right now so I can’t really talk. Can I call you back tomorrow morning? Ok. Talk to you then. Bye.” So I am not on the phone for an extensive conversation, but yet I have nothing to hide, and therefore have no problem answering the phone in front of someone else. I also have no problem admitting who was on the phone. “That was my mom. She’s having our relatives from Maine over this weekend and so she wants to make sure I know what to bring.” I know I don’t have to tell the person I am with who called, but since I have nothing to hide, I will. It sounds to me like your guy friend is taking calls from girls, but if you like him and want more of a relationship from him, you don’t have to hide it from him and you don’t have to hide it from Fluther.

Earthbound_Misfit's avatar

Edit ‘your relationship with him’ (not you).

jca's avatar

Are you jealous at the possibility it could be he’s talking to girls? Tell him you like him. You have nothing to lose.

GloPro's avatar

@dina_didi Sometimes you’re sorry you asked.

flo's avatar

He/she may need to keep private conversations private. It could be that he/she doesn’t want to be distracted by whatever, noise etc. Maybe he/she needs to hide something from you and or your friend for a legitimate reason. Or other.

Adagio's avatar

Perhaps he is like me, I’ve always hated having phone conversations in front of other people. It does not have to mean he has anything to hide.

CocoSmith's avatar

Everyone has a secret. He just doesn’t want you to know.

Esedess's avatar

Curiosity is only natural, but understand that others’ personal reasons and thoughts are none of your business.

longgone's avatar

Well…the OP is wondering why her friend is displaying a new behaviour. While none of us can tell her, I do understand why a sudden change like that could seem unusual.

I, for one, leave the room when I get calls because I’m uncomfortable talking on the phone with others listening.

susanc's avatar

Since he didn’t always do it, sure you’re curious. If you can just ask him about it without
a whole lot of anxiety, I would do that. He can always just say it’s something he doesn’t want to talk about. If he does, you HAVE TO LET IT GO. Good luck. You sound really sensible.

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