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Dutchess_III's avatar

Does the law treat domestic violence against women more seriously than against men?

Asked by Dutchess_III (27629 points ) 3 months ago

Lets assume a fight between opposite sexes. An acquaintance is posting on facebook that she was arrested for domestic violence I can’t believe she’s trumpeting that, but that’s facebook for you. I PM’d her to ask what happened. She and her boyfriend got into an argument. She kept telling him to leave and he wouldn’t, so she slapped him. He slapped her back and got her down on the ground a couple of times.

I asked her if she and he had bruises. She said she had a couple, wasn’t sure about him but she figures he does.

I asked who called the cops. She said she didn’t know. He was walking down the street yelling at people and someone called the police.

She was the only one who was arrested. She’s scared of what’s going to happen to her.

There are a lot of facets to this question so take it in any direction you wish.

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17 Answers

janbb's avatar

I think there’s a typo in your question that makes it nonsensical. Read it and edit it.

ragingloli's avatar

Finally you admit that you are a man!

janbb's avatar

@ragingloli And you…..?

Dutchess_III's avatar

I saw it right away when I came back just now, but it’s too late! Call the mods!

zenvelo's avatar

In my county it depends on who makes the call to the police. And the presumption is that if the caller has a discernible mark to arrest the other.

My ex fought me over my car keys while I was trying to leave for work, I pulled them from her hands, and then left. She called 911 and I was stopped while backing out of the driveway. SHe claimed I scratched her. They told me that there is a default arrest for domestic violence in our county.

I was not charged and the sheriff acknowledged there was a history of complaints about her from previous times when the kids called the sheriff.

Tell your friend that they may both be in trouble, and that she should talk to an attorney about steps to mitigate the situation. Slapping is the same as hitting; if she takes an anger management class now she might get probation and no time. She might have to take the class anyway, and will be on probation for a year or two.

Also, get out of the relationship now and get a restraining order. This is a bad situation and will get worse if she tries to “reconcile”.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, neither of them called the police, from what she said. He was walking down the street yelling at people, and one of them called the police. And they both have marks.

I agree…get out of that relationship. And for God’s sake, a woman should never challenge a man physically!

hearkat's avatar

Years ago, my close friend was arrested for a domestic incident with her husband. They were arguing and she slammed something on the coffee table and the glass broke, and the neighbor called the police. They said that they had to take someone in in cases of domestic disputes, and the took her because it was she who was destructive.

As for the prosecution of such crimes, I’d imagine there are variations in the statutes across around the country. Typically, the female is physically smaller than the male, and it was protection of the female that led to many of these laws. However, I am under the impression that it is now becoming clear that physical size is not the only determining factor (I’ve known large men who wouldn’t hit a woman, and their women would take that for granted push the limits and even hit the guy), and that abuse isn’t only physical. And what about same sex couples? I’d guess that they have domestic disputes sometimes – the law can’t discriminate based on gender there. So I think the laws are starting to look more objectively at the all the factors involved.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

Does the law treat domestic violence against women more seriously than against men?

Oh hell yes it does!

But on the other hand, most of the law dogs who respond to initial calls are men, and so they tend to side with the man (at least secretly).

Coloma's avatar

Not always, though it should be an equal situation, however, most men are stronger than most women and capable of more harm at times.
My ex husband tried to choke me once, I called the police. This was at the very end of our marriage and I had gotten home from work late and was angry that things had not been handled in my absence such as our daughter being prepared for bed and the pets cared for.
I was talking to our daughter about her not tending to her responsibilities and my ex chimed in and I very calmly told him that I was not speaking to him but to our daughter who was 15 at the time.

He leapt off the couch and grabbed me by the neck and choked me for about 15 seconds.
I was truly afraid. I called the police and when they arrived they did nothing at all except admonish him to behave himself!
I filed for divorce shortly afterwards and he never did acknowledge his abusive behavior.
I agree that male cops will often side with the man and buddy up over the “hysterical” woman stereotype. It is complete bullshit.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

^^^It appears that the male cops buddy up with the abusive male because they are themselves abusers.

Coloma's avatar

^^6 Well, all I know is that taking that action resulted in no help at all and just made my ex even madder, I was really worried about leaving at that point, he was a control freak and his violence escalated when he knew I was serious about leaving as is apparently very common.

Dan_Lyons's avatar

^^ That’s when you find a women’s shelter and grab the kids and get the hell out of Dodge.

Coloma's avatar

^^^ Ancient history now, but yes, I did get the hell outta Dodge. haha

Dutchess_III's avatar

Wow @Coloma. Glad you had the guts to get out. Your poor daughter… :(

Coloma's avatar

@Dutchess_III Yes, it was a sad situation, but now, as an adult she gets it, even if it was a traumatic moment at the time.

Pazza's avatar

Im with Bill Burr on this one….....

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