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Dutchess_III's avatar

Why don't I cry more?

Asked by Dutchess_III (27250 points ) 3 weeks ago

I asked this question and I realized that a lot more adults cry more often that I thought. I almost never cry, and when I do it’s as privately as possible.
In the example I gave in that other question, where my daughter was moving to Washington with my 4 year old grandson, I waited to cry until that night, when the kids were in bed.
Why don’t I cry more? Is it because I can only remember my father crying once, same with my mother? Or is it because I feel helpless when I cry, and I don’t like feeling helpless?

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14 Answers

cookieman's avatar

You’re… a robot?

Dutchess_III's avatar

I don’t think I am. Let me check my circuits….nope. Not a robot!

kevbo's avatar

Shooting from the hip based on what little I know about you, my guess is that (and I mean none of this in any pejorative sense) in existential and moral matters, you have a high degree of internal self-assurance coupled with a disposition (towards any people or external phenomena that might cause the average person to cry) that is colored by a disdainful and sufficiently dismissive incredulity. Where some might inflame their sadness with beliefs about intrinsic flaws they failed to overcome or fear of uncertainty that loss might bring, you may be more apt to cleave the problem from your basket of concerns because you don’t have room for a stupid thing that will interfere with the inherently nonstupid things that are done correctly because they are done by you.

That’s the scaffolding, and one can certainly pass one’s time all day on the scaffolding. I couldn’t say whether the building underneath is sound—that is, whether the foundation of that self assuredness is based on a normal love of life or a more obsessive need for control.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Wow. I gotta print that off and read it again! I can’t tell if I should be insulted or inordinately pleased, @kevbo!

Mimishu1995's avatar

You are not the only one @Dutchess_III. I behave exactly like you. I think it’s because I tend to hide my negative feeling.

Coloma's avatar

Maybe personalty type. Most women are feeling types, but thinking types are rare amongst women. I’m a thinking type and rarely cry either. Maybe it’s just your make up.

rojo's avatar

Perhaps, over time, we become inured to those things that used to upset us. Natures way of getting you through another year of life.

I too tend to cry in private.

I asked myself repeatedly why I did not cry at my fathers funeral. I finally decided it was a two-fold reason, I had to be strong for my mother who was inconsolable and I was, deep down inside, glad that he was no longer suffering. But, even though the sadness that I will never see him again sometimes permeates my soul, I have yet to shed a tear. Maybe I am just a cold hearted bastard but I do not think that is correct, that is not the way I was raised.

dabbler's avatar

I think many people feel a lot of pressure to keep ‘a stiff upper lip’ and suppress emotion in tough situations. It’s part of our socialization about behavior when the going gets rough.
Keeping a level head in a crisis can be a vitally important survival skill.
But being ‘tough’ is a hard habit to break in situations that are simply emotional but not emergencies.

Dutchess_III's avatar

I was a single parent for many, many years. I put a great deal of pressure on myself to always appear strong. I would never dream of crying in front of my kids, unless it was on their behalf and they were crying too.

JLeslie's avatar

Most likely you are happy overall. Stress does not usually bring on the need to cry, depression usually does.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Well, there have been times when I would think I was too stressed to be happy, and I didn’t cry then, either. But you know..I was still happy. Dead broke, poor, but happy.

JLeslie's avatar

That explains it I think. When someone is depressed they cry from almost everything that is an excuse to cry. Sad movie, bad news, a person says something dismissive to them, hell they cry out of the blue. Happy people are not near that tipping point of crying easily. Must be hormones or something.

Dutchess_III's avatar

Hmmm. I remember one morning, taking the kids to school. I suddenly hit the brakes and pulled to the curb and said, “Oh! Look! Look at that Morning Glory growing through the (wooden) fence!”
My daughter said, “Mom~How do you always see these neat, but obscure, little things? You always find something to smile about…?”
IDK. Hormones? Lucky hormones?

JLeslie's avatar

@Dutchess_III I think it all works together. It’s like a snowball effect or self fulfilling prophecy.

I saw a little unscientific study once about people who self Idenitified as lucky and the other group in the study self identified as unlucky. The people conducting the test set it up so each participant would walk past money laying on the ground. It was paper money, I think a $20. The lucky group noticed the money significantly more than the unlucky group. The conclusion of the study was the lucky people had a belief positive things happen and they stayed more aware of their environment. They looked around more, looked for opportunity.

The lucky people get positive reinforcement of their belief that good things happen. To some people it might be perceived as random, but there actually is an effort and attitude that helps it all happen.

I think it is similar with people who find happiness in small things, they seek out or are more aware of the little things that make them happy. Goldie Hawn has looked into happiness research and it seems a percentage of the population is predisposed to happiness prbably genetically. Something with the brain I guess, I don’t remember exactly. And, there is literature about the habits of happy people.

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