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How do you deal with grief that everyone around you trivialises?

Asked by Puravida (62 points ) September 3rd, 2014

About eight years ago, I went away for college. When I came home, I found that my horse had been loaned by my parents without my knowledge. It had never been discussed with me. Then, an incredible story that she had broken her leg, and would be put down, emerged.

I never got to say goodbye. This was my baby. I never got any closure. I go for long periods of time, years, without feeling sad. I can finally look at pictures again, sometimes. I am so angry at my parents for giving my baby to someone incompetent.

I have been looking into getting another horse, as I thought that many years later I was ready, and all of this terrible grief has flooded back to me. I tried to talk to my family about this overwhelming sense of loss and heartache that I feel, and no one will discuss it with me. They tell me that it is ridiculous that I feel this way, childish, and immature. This is not something that I discuss on a regular basis, in fact, it has been many years.

Is it really childish to be grieving this so much later? Am I really unreasonable to want to talk to my family about why I feel this way and how I can move on?

How do I get over this? I think it would have helped if I had been able to say goodbye, have a piece of mane, or anything. Instead, my family ridicules my feelings and hangs up on me. I promise, I have not brought this up for years and years, I am not sure why they react this way. I feel like it is unfair for my feelings to be reduced to nothingness. Sure, it would be nice to not care at all anymore, but is that ever possible?

I also feel such guilt for going away to college, and leaving her in the first place. It was not possible to take her with me. I know I can’t feel bad about going to school, I mean, you can’t let a horse dictate your entire life. If I had known this would have happened, I never would have left.

My grandmother told me on the phone that if I am upset about this, I am going to be a neurotic, unhappy person, and then she hung up on me. Is it really so unhealthy? I myself am not really sure why after all these years, I am grieving like these events happened yesterday.

What do I do?

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