How do you instill confidence in an 8 year old that gives up whenever things do not go as she planned?

The lesson that needs to be learned is that making mistakes is part of the experience. Maybe you can tell her a story from your own life where you had to try different things before you were able to succeed. It is a bit of a cliche but nevertheless true that you learn from your mistakes.

For the shoolwork, you could work with her by applying Socratic method. Start by asking her what she is expected to do for the assignment. Then ask her what steps need to be taken. You can ask what different things can be tried, with the understanding that if one thing does not work then you need to try something else. Be gentle with her if she makes a mistake. Encourage her to figure out for herself why a particular thing that she did does not work and have her suggest other things that can be tried.

You gotta get her inspired. Perhaps she hasn’t been exposed to enough inspirational stories? Or she tries something, and get’s a ton of help and it’s hardly her earning it anymore. I was like this as a child myself.

You have to work in small steps.

And like you said in your tag, positive reinforcement. Now in terms of child development. All positive reinforcement means is that they receive something they desire if they do something right (say go to the movies, or you go out for icecream, head to the mall or something) Negative reinforcement means taking away something they desire. (video games, play time, dessert)

It will be difficult to instill, but her mindset is already made up that she can get away with a lot of stuff and help will arrive. Again… small steps at a time. Start it off with helping her. And of course her doing a couple problems on her own. And then doing something fun with her afterwards. She will see how pleased you are and it’ll make her feel good and confident inside.

I highly suggest to throw out all the, “Awww it’s ok poor baby” (im not saying you do this just an example) and instead go with the, “Ok let’s see here how can I help you and what you can earn by doing this homework.” and definitely throw away all harsh tone and aggressive behavior (again not saying you practice this way, just examples)

So let’s pretend she is doing math homework. Build her slowly. Do problems with her. Use visuals she likes in her you language. If she likes bikes, say something like, 8 bikes divided by 2 = 4 bikes. Hell even go with the hand motions. draw a group of bikes, and literally divide them by cutting them in half if the dividend is 2. For me, as a child I was frustrated because I was extremely passionate i wanted to know RIGHT AWAY what the answer was and if I couldn’t get to it, it felt like a let down and I’d just boil and it’s sort of anger and panicking at the same time. or put simply a mild tantrum if you will…. So definitely I feel like she’s a passionate person already, she just needs help in either visualizing it, or getting her intrigued to receive a reward. Let’s face it, we live in a capitalistic society where we have to work for EVERYTHING.

you will be fine, just work in small steps I hope I gave you some ideas to build upon… errr. GOOD LUCK STAY POSITIVE ALWAYS IF YOU GET FRUSTRATED YOURSELF, GO TO ANOTHER ROOM AND VENT THERE AWAY FROM HER! :)

I think this is very common among girls unfortunately. My advise is always give positive reinforcement. Any negativity and it will feed into her losing interest. Be an example of overcoming obstacles, especially regarding negative voices from others saying an idea is is bad, basically overcoming doubters. If you can find some stories about people overcoming odds and working hard at something read them to her, or if she likes to read give them to her. There also are movies with that theme. Let her know you have made mistakes, tell her how you have overcome things. Stories she can relate to. Help her find things she is interested in. Let her try things and quit and try more new things.

The path of least resistance is an easier way to teach her this lesson in life. Things she loves and typically has fun at. If she loves tennis or ballet she will be more likely to work hard when she hits a tough spot than if she has been playing soccer and never genuinely loved it.

There are two types of people. One hits some difficulty or hears nay sayers, and their self doubt and lack of ambition helps them to simply give up. Other people hear the nay sayers in their head and from others and think “fuck you I can do it and I am not afraid of anything.” The latter tend to be harder working, more ambitious, and very successful.

Do most things come easy to her? Sometimes that can be a negative, because the person is accustomed to things coming easy and doesn’t like when something provides a little challenge.

Usually caused by the Parent putting undue pressure on the kid to be perfect.

^ Or the kid putting undue pressure on herself to be perfect! Don’t say usually.

All kids have different levels of persistence and patience, so you’ll have to find what works for her.

That said, I can comment on what I try to do with my kids. First, I always praise effort rather than result. They know that I value the effort and process over any end result. The amount of work and care I see that goes into a school project is what matters – not the grades. The enthusiasm and creative risks that went into a piece of art trump the beauty of the piece.

As trite as this may sound, in my house trying is succeeding. During our hikes, the summit is no more important than the thousands of steps we took to get there. When building blocks with my kids and a tower would fall down after much work, I have always celebrated. “Now we get to build it again…and include all of our new ideas.” Building sand castles at the beach is another great experience, because it is an exercise in pure creation and process due to the impermanent nature of the result.

I also am pretty open with my kids about my own challenges. We often talk about emotions, such as the disappointment and frustration that can come when we hit a challenge. They have seen my wife and I “fail” over and over, express our frustration, yet incorporate these “failures” into the framework of our follow-up efforts.

My intention with my children is to allow them to free their self-esteem and confidence from the results of their efforts. And that by valuing the road rather than the destination, it will allow them to succeed in being aware of their accomplishments in both.

Better than anything you can say is your example. What have you tried and failed at recently that she’s been able to model from? Few parents in my experience are willing to let their kids see them as anything less than perfect. In fact, they frequently rationalize anything that might be perceived by an unbiased observer as “a mistake” as someone else’s fault, God’s will or a freak of nature. Or they swear and give up themselves. Both of those examples are what gets copied, not the “good words” and “do as I say, not as I do” lectures.

I was fortunate, I guess, that I had good examples in this regard. My mother was a pretty awful cook, it turns out, but I never knew that: despite her many failures in the kitchen, she was able to laugh them off and try again – but meals at our house were always delicious and enjoyable. And my father, whom I regarded as a demigod, had the supreme self-confidence to tell me directly what he regarded as many of his failings – and then would disprove them by example (after some failures, that he took in perfect stride).

I tried to set the same example for my kids: I have failed often, and sometimes spectacularly, and admitted it when I did, and then tried another tack until something worked.

It may be her personality type, I am a big fan of temperament and personality theory and this is behind everyones particular orientation to life and tasks. As a kid my teachers said the same thing about me for years, if I was motivated wild horses couldn’t drag me away but if not, nothing could light a fire under my behind. lol
My report cards for years were often a perfect split between A’s and D’s. haha

Many bright, gifted children simply are not motivated and excel in their own right if not bored and given the opportunity to work within their own particular strength zone.
I’d advocate a personality assessment which would give insight into what motivates this child. I do not believe in forcing kids to do stuff or shaming them because they are simply not interested. Maybe this child is feeling pressured to perform but after trying something new decides she is no longer interested. Nothing wrong with that. Losing interest in something does not make someone lazy, it just means they have lost interest.

Something everyone has a right to. She seems enthusiastic about trying but if she is not of a competitive nature she may find that certain things, such as the Soccer, is too much pressure for her. I encouraged my daughter to try new things but respected her choice if she decided she was no longer interested. The worst thing we can do to our children is to force them to do things that are not a good fit for them. Better to try and quit than to force yourself into something that you dislike.

My daughter, and one of my boys went through the same stage. It actually lasted longer for my son. Neither of them were under any pressure. My son has gone through the stage off and on throughout his life. My daughter, I believe was about that age when it hit her.
I feel they show interest in various things from viewing others doing or experiencing thise things, so when they do these things, they are comparing their results to the results of whoever else they know doing that. A teacher, classmate, teammate, professional sports figure, singer, actor. When they fall short of their own expectations, they falter for a bit. I didn’t allow this with my kids. I help them with honing their skills, and urge them forward to some goal. With schoolwork, of course we must proceed. With outside interests, my kids were given the option of quitting, or not, but not until they stuck with it long enough to achieve some sort of goal. I feel they should not go forward feeling a failure at anything. As time passed, they have revisited some of the interests, not others, but at least they didn’t associate failure with each past tried interest.
One thing is certain, you must set a standard. Make it clear that no matter what choices they make, you will not quit on them.

You don’t. Failure and disappointment are life lessons.

Persevere with her and she will likely pick up the habit.

EIther organized team sports like softball, or my mom did pageants & poise classes. Instilling confidence is important.

His expectations are too high. I would tell him not to expect perfect results until he has tried >20 times. Then have him focus on the successes, not the failures.

Reward the child for effort rather than the quality of the performance.