How do I tell him I'm pregnant?

Too late to save the friendship: it has sailed! Be honest, do tell him quick. And look into getting an abortion. Honestly!

How did this happen? He doesn’t want a relationship and here you are pregnant?

You think raising your kid with him will be awesome? Very very doubtful. Even people in loving stable marriages who plan having their children go through incredibly stressful times raising their children.

How pregnant are you? It sounds like you won’t consider an abortion. If you are willing to get one go and get the information you will need. If not, you might want to wait a few weeks to tell him if you’re just a few days late.

How old are you?

“I want to do it in a cute way,”

Why? This makes no sense.

I am pregnant, the guy doesn’t want a relationship but I think it will be great to be cutesy with him about him being the father of a child.

Nope, no way.

Just be straightforward with him. Tell him you are pregnant. Tell him he is the father. Discuss options and expectations. Don’t get your hopes up (probably too late on this).

I don’t think there’s any way not to ruin your friendship… Well, if he’s not ready then he’s gonna freak out about it. I also think there is no cute way to tell him unless he’s your partner and your baby is planned. I think you should tell him about it as soon as possible.

If you don’t want him to freak out and be scared (too much), maybe ask him to stay calm about what you’re gonna say, tell him your situation, make him calm, and tell your plans about it.

I’m 22. We’re already kind of raising one kid together…. her mom died last summer and I fell into the mom roll…. I’m not completely naive about raising a child. I’m definatley not getting an abortion, I know that much.

How did this happen? Uh…. the usual way that babies happen.

You show no concern about birth control at all, I assume he doesn’t either. Just tell him. You both were obviously fine with getting pregnant so what the hell. Tell him, he’ll be happy or not, you just have to deal with the consequences.

Since you said you’re raising one kid, I guess you should just be straightforward about it.

I feel sorry for this child-to-be.

You may think it’s “gonna be awesome” but when you’re not sleeping for months on end, your breasts are sore and your child’s father wants nothing to do with you or your child and resents making child support payments for the next 18 years, you may change your mind. You will loose your best friend over this, and will have a long, very hard road ahead for both you and your child. Then you get to enjoy the fun of trying to date while having a child. I guarantee the vast majority of men looking for relationships around your age will not want to date a woman with a baby. You’ll have to resort to marrying some guy who you never would have chosen if you didn’t have a kid (it almost certainly won’t be your best friend).

I hate to be negative, but you need a serious reality check.

You are already raising one kid. Income? Help? Your relatives ? Are you alone in this? What about your studies? Hundreds of questions pop up in my mind. You will end up alone raising a child under difficult conditions. Sorry to pour out all this, but you seem kind of breezy about it all. Best of luck!

You said that you are already kind of raising a child together, yet you are not in a relationship with this man, and he doesn’t want a relationship with you. Well which is it? How could you not be in a relationship with him if you are helping to raise his child?

I don’t think he’s your best friend at all. I think that you wish he was, and that you have wishful thoughts that having his baby will make him want to be in a relationship with you. That is highly unlikely considering that he already told you that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you.

What do you mean, when you say he’s your best friend? I have a best friend. I would never consider sleeping with her. I have a few close guy friends that I would never consider sleeping with either, because they are just friends.

Why didn’t you take precautions before you slept with this fellow? Were you trying to get pregnant? Were you simply not worrying about getting pregnant, because you hoped that if you did, this guy would want to be in a real relationship with you?

The friendship, if there ever really was one, is pretty much over now. If this guy didn’t want to be in a relationship with you before, he is likely to be very upset and angry when he finds out that you are pregnant, even though it was 50% his fault.

There is no cute way to tell someone who doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you that you are bearing his child.

You need to tell him right away, and brace yourself for the negative (most likely) consequences. You need to decide whether or not to have an abortion (immediately) or how to go about putting your child up for adoption, or figuring out who is going to help you pay for and raise this child. Single motherhood on purpose is no picnic. Single motherhood by accident is a nightmare.

You’ve got a lot of thinking and planning and growing up to do in a very, very short amount of time. I feel very sorry for you, but much sorrier for the child that you might be bringing into this world. I hope for the best that you will make an informed decision that will be in the best interest of everyone involved in this situation, especially the potential child.

This question should be moved to Social before all of the excellent answers above are modded off for being not on topic. If it’s moved, I’ll answer as I don’t feel like spending time writing and having my answer be modded off.

This Q popped up for me again, because of the new answers, and what I realized is the OP is from a different world than mine. She doesn’t speak at all about what her parents will think. I know she is an adult, but a very young adult. Most of us jellies can’t fathom that she isn’t showing any signs of concern about what people will think, except the guy who is the father, and he willingly made the baby. If you’re not preventing pregnancy, you are trying to get pregnant. That’s how it works. Having haphazard sex without a second thought or regret just shows it is a different world. Especially at such a young age. No clock is ticking, your whole life in front of you. The years of your career when it is most important to be available any time and pay your dues you will be juggling a kid.

The time for cute is over. You’re in a serious situation now, time to be serious about it. Just tell him. Don’t meander about it, don’t try to make a game of it, just straight up tell him. Then deal with whatever consequences.

Yep, just tell him and please consider terminating. Raising a child is not about “fun” and “playing daddy” is not being a father. You are, obviously, very young and have some sort of baby doll fantasy going on here. This is hardcore REALITY kid, bringing a child into the world without the support and ability to provide is wrong and immoral and this isn’t a baby doll you can toss aside when you get bored.

This is a human being that deserves the best start in life and your parents, the state and others are not responsible for your child, YOU are!

How are you going to feed, clothe and care for this child?

Do you have a really good job to provide what will be needed?

Can you afford childcare? ( Don’t automatically assume your mom( family ) are going to want to raise another child at this stage of her life and parenting. )

I do not mean to be harsh but you know what?
I don’t care about what you think, I care about the quality of life your unborn child is going to have if you choose to go through with this pregnancy, not to mention your friend. He WILL be responsible for child support whether or not he wants this baby and you are, not only, selfishly thinking of having a baby when you are clearly not ready but you are also burdening your friend for the next 18–20 years as well.
Get your head out of the fairytale and romance novel clouds and get real about this situation.

Your life as you know it, as is your friends, is over, if you go through with this pregnancy and it is not going to be a “happily ever after” scenario.
Kiss your youth goodbye, your dating life, social life, and very few other guys are going to want to be in a relationship with a young women who has a baby/child. Lots to think about.
Good luck.

I really can’t get over you wanting to find “a cute way to tell him.”
I think you are deluding yourself into thinking this is all going to work out in a fairy tale manner. It doesn’t sound like this is going to go well. He won’t be thrilled and he may not want to help you out monetarily even if he is ordered by a court. Good luck with the next few years of your life. You will need it.

Like this, “Hey George. I’m pregnant. You’re the father.” Then wait.

“Cute” is for fairy tales. You are not the protagonist in a romance novel where everything ends up “happily ever after”.

As others have stated, just be straightforward with him. And since you seem determined to have this child, you need to find a way to grow up fast.

Even your flip answer to those who asked you how this happened, is a clear indication of your total immaturity. Of course they know how babies are made. What they were much too polite to ask was “how did this happen to an adult woman whose partner CLEARLY told her he doesn’t want a child.”

Modern birth control methods are normally 99.9% effective nowadays if used properly. Plus he also bears part of the responsibility. If he REALLY REALLY didn’t want a child then he should have properly used a condom EACH AND EVERY time there was sexual contact.

So, that’s why everyone is asking how it happened; not due to lack of knowledge about how babies are made but wondering why two adults can’t get it right in this day and age.

There are tons of married couples who have very successfully limited the size of their family to children whom they actually PLANNED to have. They managed it by being very responsible and meticulous about their chosen method of birth control. That’s called adult responsibility. Clearly it’s something that you and your “friend” have a lot to learn about.

This is reality, not a romance novel. I feel so sorry for your child.

jeesus h did you never talk about the possibility? He’s gonna freak. Good luck.

Oh man, we really beat up
on this girl.

I feel kind of bad about it.

@JLeslie Yeah, I know. I feel bad too for pointing out how wrong this is on so many levels.

Are you prepared for him to deny paternity? He’ll say it isn’t his and he’ll walk away.

@JLeslie Really? You think we should have told her she was in the right and her friend should be totally in tune with her pregnancy and be willing to stand by her? That is not real life. She asked and we answered honestly.

@JLeslie Not really, I think we all took a tough love parenting stand. The girl needs straight talk and hopefully we scared her straight, straight to tell the boy-friend-father and look into her options.

I was just as brutal as everyone else. I think we were shooting straight, but still, it just must be upsetting to read how negative we all are.

In some circles having babies young and out of wedlock is normal, maybe it’s normal where she lives.

Back in my first answer I said wait to tell, because 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, but that seems to rarely happen to 20 year olds who are unwed and idealistic.

Since this topic is in General and none of the posts have been moderated thus far, here are my two cents.

Hope for the best and plan for the worst.

You know this guy better than we do. If he is the type to be elated by the news, then there are many ways to spring the news on him that are creative. Just Google it and find the one that best suits your situation.

In the meantime, it’s time to do a reality check.
* He told you that he doesn’t want a relationship with you.
* You are afraid that he is going to freak out.
* You are afraid that he won’t want to do anything with the baby and you.
* He may feel like you are trying to trap him.

These are your sentiments, not mine. Those clearly point to a difference in opinion.

You have three options: abort, put the child up for adoption, or keep it. All three should be seriously considered. Once you decide what is best for you, then seek out the ideal option in order to achieve it.

If you opt to keep the baby, then it is time to start planning for it’s future of success in this world. Having a child is a huge responsibility. If you don’t already have the financial means lined up nor the proper support to bring up a child, then it results negative repercussions.

@Dutchess_III: He can say what he wants, but she can get a DNA test paid for by child support if she wants, and prove he is (if he is).

@emjay: You don’t talk about the baby you are raising much. Do you and your boyfriend live together? How are you raising the baby? Are you in school or working? When the baby is sick, who stays home to care for him/her? I ask because that’s an indicator of what things will be like with the new baby that you have coming. Who is going to miss school or work when the new baby is sick? That can be very stressful. I can tell you that as a single parent, which I am, when the child is sick and the possibility of missing work becomes a reality, it’s great to have a lot of paid sick leave. I have a lot of paid sick leave. I am not sure what your situation is but these are practical things you need to consider. Who is going to provide child care when it comes time for you to go to work or school? Something else you need to consider. Having a baby and having to work can be very stressful.

@JLeslie It can be done, but only with massive amounts of support, usually from mom & dad and extended family. My daughter is 27 now and had this happened to her I would have said the same things to her, no mincing of words. Of course I would have helped but there is no way I would have wanted to be burdened with another child to raise in my later 40’s at the time. Gah! Babies, dogs and men are things to be admired from afar these days for me. lol

I know @jca. But to be told “It’s not mine,” is tantamount to calling the woman a slut. I just wonder if she’s ready for that kind of insult.

@Coloma Did you mean to direct your answer at me? I agree, it can be done. One friend of mine got pregnant at 17, 11th grade, and it all worked out fine. Her parents helped enormously. They watched the baby so she could finish high school and attend college. She’s a nurse, and eventually (yeras later) got married and had three more children. Her parents were upper middle class, had 8 children themselves, religious Catholics. She wasn’t cavalier about it though, I would guess she was mortified to have to tell her parents she was pregnant.

Another friend of mine got pregnant 3 months before she graduated from college. She was 22, and her boyfriend at the time was in graduate school. They had a shotgun wedding (they had dated 5 years already) and her aunt let them rent a house she had for just what the mortgage payment was, which was extremely low, she could easily rent it for double, and she worked part time, and so did he, and they struggled through financially and exhausted, so he could finish school. Their familes helped watch the baby at times. They had a second baby a few years later, he was already lawyering. When that baby was a few years old she got a job in her desired field, and she became a very successful news anchor eventually on her a local station.

Pretty much everyone I know who wound up fine had family that helped or already could make a reasonable living, but I am sure there is a percentage of single poor moms who wind up making their way, doing very well, get out of poverty, and their children do well. The thing isnthe odds are against them.

I have no idea if the OP is poor or rich or what? I don’t know if she is in school or working? I don’t know if her family will rush in and help?

If my daughter got pregnant by accident at a young age I would do everything so that my daughter’s life could stay on track as much as possible. I would help watch the baby, help with money, everything. That is if I was in a financial positiion to do it. Not forever, but for a year or even a few years, so she can get though school. Everyone talks about the baby, but I am worried about my daughter! Not just the baby. I don’t want her to have a different education or career, because she made a “mistake” at a young age. I am not calling the baby a mistake, but getting pregnant is a mistake.

Here’s the thing, if she was having sex without birth control and wasn’t freaked out that she knows better and screwed up, I would be plenty horrified and disappointed. If she used BC usually and took a chance now and then she better have a huge regret and beat herself up for a few days or weeks that she should know better. Otherwise, I am worried about her judgment. Anyone, can screw up, things happen, especially to young people, I would not want her to punish herself forever or anything like that. I really wouldn’t want her to punish herself at all, it’s done, but I really don’t understand not even giving BC a thought at all? Although,mI know my sister’s “little sister” through Catholic charities was not going to use BC when she was thinking about losing her virginity. It’s a sin to use BC you know. I don’t know if she came up with that from the church or from some guy. If she had become pregnant I’m sure she just would have been another teen mom in the barrio. It would be “normal” in her world, although I know her mom would have been very upset for her daughter. This particular mom.

I went through it myself, when my daughter came back from living with her dad in Seattle. She was 16 and pregnant. I was able to help her a lot. She was able to graduate from college and she’s on her feet, finally. Wasn’t easy for her or for her son, though. She was awfully immature and selfish.

My middle daughter now has 4 kids, never been married and continues to struggle financially. I wasn’t able to help her as much. Not nearly as much.

@JLeslie KInda sorta, haha
I was just thinking out loud and pondering what you had said earlier. Yes, it can work out sometimes.