Is it hard for you to make friends?

Yes. My hypothesized reasons:
1. I don’t think I have popular interests.
2. I don’t have much money.
3. I don’t do many social things other than walking around.
4. I have low self-esteem.

I reach out usually by PM and ask if I can follow someone. What’s the worst they can say?

@dxs that was about the most honest answer I’ve ever heard. I don’t know whether to add you as a friend or take you for coffee.

@Adirondackwannabe that’s because you’re a creeper! ;)

Hey whatever works, go for it.

I actually went into the job I’m at with the idea that I did not want to make friends. My last job everyone knew everyone elses business. Of course we had all been there for years and it usually happens that way.
Within 2 months I had been invited to most of my coworkers homes, they had friended me on facebook along with their spouses and they would bring me apples and bananas (swiped from the doctors lounge).

@chyna if I’d only known you could be bought with apples and bananas!

The older I get, the easier I find it to make friends. As I get more content with myself, I am more and more able to connect with people. (I have met Jellies all over the country.)

Since my divorce, I have made myself join things – through meet-up – and have met a whole slew of people through that. I also joined a Unitarian congregation and am making friends there.

@chyna that is one thing I can’t do, friend co-workers on facebook. I think work and life are two separate things.

“The older I get, the easier I find it to make friends.”

^ Yep. I had a really hard time in school. Now that I am more comfortable being myself, I make more friends frequently, while keeping the old ones. Just last week, I met another girl my age, walking her dog. We talked for an hour. I’m still introverted, quiet and not good at small talk. Somehow, I’m learning to deal with people in spite of that.

Two things helped me:

1. A job in which I was forced to meet strangers, but…on my turf. I work as a dog trainer, so the people that I have to meet are usually grateful for advice and friendly. I think retail would have killed me.

2. Realistic expectations. I know I’m an introvert, and I’ve accepted that I need time to re-charge. I allow myself to take breaks from people, and am much better at being social as a result.

@longgone I agree with both of those. I am also an introvert; I was just on vacation for a week with my best friend and was craving alone time. This week I am still away but spending lots of time alone recharging.

It’s not hard per se, if I meet someone and we get along and develop a friendship. It just happens, I don’t go out saying, today, I’m making some friends. Problem with me is that I think 90% of the people I meet are fuckin trolls, so I never really have a desire to get to know someone more than I must.

Making friends? Easy. Keeping them becomes problematic. There is an innate desire to meet new people and hear their story. The alarm bells go off when they start to invade my personal space and time. As someone more introverted than extroverted, I prefer to ease into a new friendship.

Friendships are like shoes. They need to be tried on before purchased. If they fit, you buy them. Some are worn for special occasions; others go with just about anything. Then there are the reliables. You know the ones…they’ve been around for 10+ years and despite the wear an tear, you aren’t willing to give them up. They have history. They are a part of your life.

@Adirondackwannabe is a creeper goat lover!

No, I don’t find it easy to make friends. Most people strike me as not too bright, and I have a hard time dealing with it.
On the other hand, too many intelligent people seem to have no sense of humor or adventure.
I also like to play golf and tennis and Do Stuff Like That. Most women I know don’t seem interested in things like that. They prefer to talk about clothes and recipes and stuff.

I shouldn’t have said that @Adirondackwannabe has sex with goats lol.

Well, the truth hurts. He also gives his syrup to any woman who asks. Humph.

I used to be able to make friends without much difficulty, especially through work, but no longer—I’m far too reclusive these days. The friends I made in latter years just sort of came and went, but the ones who are closest go back to my youth.

Well the goat promised to keep our affair quiet. How was I to know she’d kiss and tell.

Nope.

The opposite problem confronts me. And don’t get me wrong. I’m not bragging, because the opposite of loneliness is not as the lonely imagine—the contentment found in companionship of soulmates. The opposite of loneliness is a house full of people who don’t want to go home. Nothing can compare with a surplus of folks you love and care about eager for your participation in their social agendas. When I read the posts from all of these people here unhappy about going it alone, my advice is simply that there’s no big secret to being “popular” even if you’re introverted. The truth is that people are fascinating, and each and every one of them has at least one story to tell you that will widen your eyes, and they’re usually dying to tell it. If you can manage to cultivate the art of listening to people and hearing them out, you will find yourself busier than you probably believe possible. I’m not kidding. If you can provide a sympathetic ear and perhaps a nice glass of wine or good cup of tea with homemade cookies, women who would formerly not be caught walking on the same side of the street as yourself will fight over you like dogs with a pork chop.

No. Making friends is easy. That’s why they invented the Golden Rule. To make it easy to make friends.

It depends on who I meet. Sometimes people just can’t like me however hard I try. I’m one of those love-it-or-hate-it type.

Yes, making close friends is difficult for me. I am not that social for someone my age, and, like @dxs said, my interests, musical taste, stuff like that is not typical for others my age. I have a hard time opening up and being fully comfortable around most people.

Making friends is easy. Finding good friends (people with integrity) is much more difficult.

Yes and no. If I decide I want to be friends with someone, I can usually win them over quite quickly. The problem is I’m a very busy person, so most people I meet I quickly decide aren’t worth the time to get to know. I don’t have time to be friends with people that aren’t remarkable. Not that I dislike those people, I just don’t make an effort with them.

Yes, I have a small group of friends that I have had for years. Not sure, or rather, don’t want to look into why I do not have new friends or why it was so hard to get to like the ones I do have.

I’d say I am a friendly person but I don’t make friends easily. I don’t have a best friend, or a group of friends that I see regularly. I meet people I know and have chats but that’s about it. I get invited on nights out when there is a group of people going but I rarely instigate social occasions. We had another family at our house for dinner a few weeks ago but the wife invited themselves to ours! (There’s more to that story of course, but I did think it was funny and does illustrate my point here). I don’t think I miss having a close circle of friends. My husband and I are friendly with another couple who we see regularly. I like them but I get bored by them if I see them too often – I run out of things to say and they start talking about things I’m not interested in.

I’m quite happy with this level of social contact. I am more introverted than extroverted so having to work with people all day and then interact with my family at night is quite enough socialising for me – possibly a bit too much at times.

@Stinley maybe you’re onto something there. I do get bored with seeing and talking to people all day at work. When I get home, I zone out. I enjoy my peace and quiet every evening/night, perhaps too much and hermit-like. I’ve heard also many times over my life that I’m very intimidating. I don’t see it but…

@Adirondackwannabe seems as though the “Women” of Fluther know your tricks…

@Devilishtreat You should know I’m not good at hiding anything. But I do love turning tricks.

Gigolo.

Laughs, well we have to go with our strengths.~

@Devilishtreat I think that @janbb made a good point that the older you get, the happier you are with who you are. I’m definitely happier in my own skin and as a young person, I tried on a lot of other skins to see which felt good or to try to conform to society. I went out a lot, had a group of friends, felt unhappy if I missed out on social occasions. Basically I behaved like an extrovert. It was exhausting! Now I try to enjoy myself and participate in social occasions because I want to, not because I feel I have to. Someone who is a stronger introvert than me would not have been able to cope with the lifestyle I had in my 20s.

From reading what you just said, I wonder if your work uses up all your social energy and you need to recharge your batteries at home alone each night. We all have different amounts of social energy and it is ok to not be sociable if you don’t want to be.

I’ve done it all when I was younger and never want to look back or float on distant memories. Now when friends want me to go for a seemingly fun girls night out, I couldn’t possibly be more disinterested in any of it.

I don’t have any trouble making friends, but I find it almost impossible to maintain friendships. It seems like if I don’t do all the work of maintaining contact, things just drop.
Possibly I’m just to self-sufficient?

I have found that often in the past I have done the majority of the work to keep a friendship afloat. I’d make the phone calls, etc. Now if I see that happening, I ask myself if I’m getting enough positive “stuff” out of the relationship to make all that work worthwhile. If I’m not, I go to my friend, explain my need and ask them how important our relationship is to them. They can start to contribute more, or I won’t make so much of an effort.

@janbb Sounds perfect. Maybe that’s part of why you feel so at home in your cottage :)

I make friends easily but have only a few people I consider “good” friends. I really don’t have time for making other friends and that’s ok for now. I work full time and have a young child, so I am busy enough. I also enjoy time by myself and I am extroverted but recharge my batteries like an introvert (and I am introverted according to personality profiles). I enjoy driving by myself, I don’t mind traveling by myself and I like being home alone.

What helps me make friends is that I smile easily and say hello, which warms people right up.