Cat Behavior - Bad Manners or afraid?

Try pure lavender oil on cotton balls wherever the cat goes (make sure the oil has not got any fillers or fragrances). Put them in ceramic dishes out of kitty’s reach. My holistic vet would do that and it would help to calm the animals in the exam room.

Just like some people, some cats are more reserved. My daughter also has a black cat, very Siamese in body shape and features but solid black. She is affectionate in her own way. She does not like to be held, picked up or grabbed at but she will come to you on her own terms in her own time. She will occasionally sit in your lap or lean up against your leg as she lays beside you and you are allowed to pet her as long as you use restraint. She will purr contentedly but is always on the alert; too much touching will cause her to move away but she will come back and give you another chance after a while. She has lived with other cats and tolerates them but does not interact with them very much. Right now she is living with a rambunctious eight week old kitten. She puts up with the rowdy, bouncing off the wall, kitten play but will eventually give her a pop when she tires of it. Isis is about 15 now and my daughter has had her since she was about six weeks old. We have not observed a great deal of change in her behavior in all those years.

If you’re hoping for a personality transplant so that she becomes like your other two, that won’t happen.

However, with time and patience you can modify her behavior somewhat.

One thing you can try is hand feeding her small amounts of food prior to giving her the normal mealtime portion. As time passes, try rubbing the sides of her face or the top of her head gently with a few fingers.

I think you basically need to work with her as you would with a feral cat because she is so skittish.

Another thing to do is watch some of Jackson Galaxy’s videos where he deals with skittish cats like this. He has lots of tips which you’ll find helpful.

He is a cat behaviorist who has an instinctive understanding of cats and their unique personalities.

You can find him on the Animal Planet website. Ignore the sensationalistic title of his show. It’s called “My Cat From Hell”. Your kitty is far from that.

But he has dealt with difficult problems of all types including gentling feral cats. I’ve seen the results which is why I’m reccommending his videos to you.

For whatever reason, your cat is exceptionally skittish. But with treats and kindness, you can modify her behavior so that both you and she can experience a better loving relationships.

Yes, there is hope as long as you aren’t expecting a complete about-face in her personality. She will always be more reserved than your other cats but you can teach her not to fear you and to seek loving interactions, but likely more brief ones than your other two.

Animals suffer emotional trauma just like humans. Who knows what her background was, but 6 months is also not very long. She may evolve and calm down as more time goes by. hard to say. My daughter has a 5 yr. old cat that she rescued as an extremely underweight and traumatized dumpster cat at her old apt. complex. The kitten was only 5–6 months old but very small for her age and probably had to compete with the other feral/semi feral cats.

We surmised she might have been tossed out from an apt. when someone moved because she not totally feral, yet anyway.
She is highly neurotic, absolutely hates all other cats, and while affectionate on her terms she does not like to be picked up or cuddled. She’s a good cat, beautiful torbie calico, but her early life experiences have caused her to be quite touchy and hypersensitive to changes in her environment. She has peed on more than one room mates bed the first few weeks after they moved in.

Still…she has come a long way and I think 6 months may be too soon to make a major determination on your kitty. Be consistent in your interactions with her and don’t force anything on her. Give her lots of treats and reward all positive behaviors like petting, etc.
Eventually you may be able to graduate to claw trimming with minimal upset. I’d say give it at least another 6 months.

Work with her very slowly. Have a treat in your hand and call her. Get her to accept it from you hand. Then slowly work your way to petting her with your other hand while you are giving her the treat. Speak to her softly and gently.

Thanks to everyone for your advice. I have tried several of these suggestions. When she was first brought home, she hid day and night behind the stove. I was so afraid for her that I waited for her to come out (she did this when she thought we were sleep), and we set up a “sting”. When she saw me, she tried to run back to the stove through the dining room but since hubby was there and I was standing at the other kitchen entrance, she was stuck in between us. I then immediately blocked the huge space between the wall and the stove with a chopping block, aluminum foil and masking tape. Since taking away her hiding space she has become a lot more visible. She will cry when she is hungry and will watch me set out the food, but will not approach the food until I walk away. When I try to slowly approach her to pet her gently while she eats, she will stop eating and run. She is small for her age and underweight. She does look like she has Siamese qualities. She will stand/sit about a yard away from us but that is as close as she will let us come. She actually seems to have regressed a bit and I don’t know why, because I can remember once or twice her rubbing against me and hubby and even laying on the bed with us and the other cats. But something has made her go backwards. She is just so nervous and unhappy looking and I don’t want her to feel this way. It makes us feel bad that she is not content and she’s always fearful. I know she probably won’t be like my other two cats, but I’d just be happy if she didn’t run like her life depended on it every time we walked into a room. BTW, she gets along very well with the other cats. One in particular she SEEKS out and plays with. She follows him around and they “talk” to each other all day. I have to admit though, my two male cats are awesome that way; very welcoming and gentle. Not a mean or jealous bone in their bodies.

I would try hand feeding her tuna fish or something, and sloooowly introduce petting.

All in all, just kind of leave her alone. (I felt sad when I read about how you blocked her hiding place…I felt sad thinking of the panic she must have felt with you guys corralling her.)

Oh, and PS. Cats don’t have “bad manners.” They’re cats. They have instincts.

Maybe she was a feral kitten. She may always be skittish. She also may “come around,” personality-wise, and become more friendly and comfortable. Only time will tell. I have a cat like that. She’s weary of strangers and doesn’t like to be touched too much. She has bitten people that don’t know and who touch her too much. Try to give your cat a private room when company comes, and try to lay quietly when you’re home alone and hope she comes around for petting, or maybe just to lay with you. In time she will grow to trust you more and to trust your family members more. Make sure there are no children in the house that tease her or do things that kids sometimes do to pets.

Some cats are just less sociable – it doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s unhappy.

Give her some time; cats are capable of changing their behavior, but it’s a very slow process for them. Both I and my parents have each had a cat that didn’t like to be touched that gradually over the course of several years became more and more friendly. In fact, my Siamese mix Melee was so shy that we we had a house sitter stay for 10 days when we were on an extended vacation, she never saw her; when we got home, she said “I assume she’s still alive because I don’t smell anything.” Now 2 or 3 years later, she’s the first cat out when we have visitors; she’s so friendly, she’s a pest.

Keep trying, It can takes years to overcome abuse. My dogs were terrified of me at first, especially if I wore gloves. I’m not sure why. They came around and I got the most loving, caring pets ever. But it took a long time and lots of patience.

Weird. I was wondering just yesterday if some pets can be autistic. I never got around to posting the question, but it came to mind because I have a friend facing the same thing.
Are you tapped in to my wavelength, @Akua ?

We had barn cats all over the place. If you could get to the kittens when they were young, you could socialize them. Otherwise, they were feral and would rip you apart.

How/why is she eating separate from the other cats?
I ask because if all the cats were eating at the same time, I would just ‘join’ them. Sit next to the food bowl and read a book while they ate.
What motivated you to take her in, in the first place?

Personally, I could not stand having a cat in the house that I could not approach. I think you may have a foster cat that you do not want to adopt on a permanent basis. That’s not mean or cruel if you take in another at-risk cat. There is permanent damage there, somewhere.

I’m gaining the trust of the wild rabbits on my back patio fairly quickly (I don’t want to pet them) while you’re losing ground with a cat living in your own home.

I agree with some of the other answers. I feel she may have been a feral kitty. I have tamed several now and it really just takes time and patience. They still seem to retain the feral instinct but in our area they need it to avoid the coyotes. Just keep trying & let her know how much you care. Sounds silly but “Mommy (or Daddy) time” just you & her sometimes helps. Don’t give up. I have a feral kitten walking all over me now, lol

If she’s getting along so well with the other cats, and I assume they aren’t fighting, and she’s smaller than they are, and they’re nice guys, I don’t think you need to worry about her being a danger to them, except maybe slightly if she goes outdoors(?).

So, I would also drop the intention/desire to do anything to her claws. Claws are crucial defenses for cats, and she’s shown she’s scared. Believe it or not, she may be able to pick up your interest in doing something to her claws. I don’t think there’s any need.

Are there enough fort spots in the house for all the cats? Does she have one? If not, I’d add fort spots (e.g. cardboard boxes with one narrowish side exit) until she has one she can use and feel like it’s sufficiently hers.

@Dutchess_III I was being funny when I said she had bad manners. I have extensive experience with cats. When I lived in Brooklyn, I was known as “The Cat Lady” and people left strays in front of my door. I also worked with a rescue and at the peak had 16 cats, LOL. I have had cats with neurological impairments, epilepsy, lost limbs, stray, feral, etc. She is the first cat I have had in my home that is so afraid all the time. She eats with the other cats but if I sit next to them while they eat and pet them, she will run. The other two just ignore me and let me pet them. The only time she acknowledges us is when it is time to eat. She may have been born feral and I adopted her from an animal shelter that posted her picture on their website. They described her as “a sweet black cat”. It wasn’t until they went to put her in the carrier for me to bring her home that I was told they found her eating out of a garbage can in the street. About two years ago, I was given a cat that I thought was a lost cause. But I studied books on animal behavior and I worked with him. He also did what the black cat did. He was even worse because he hid in the basement and NEVER came upstairs to eat or use the litter box. I became worried and scared he would die, so I found a way to get him upstairs and barred his entrance to the basement (just as I “corralled” her). I forced him to see us daily and live with us seeing the other cats and know that he was safe and no harm would ever come to him. Now that same cat (we named him “Sunny”) is a compete nuisance of love and affection. He would run every time a stranger came over, and now he rubs and purrs over anyone in the house. He cries to get in the bed with us. My husband and I can’t believe he is the same cat who hid from us for months! We even finally named him “sunny” because of his happy and loving disposition. The black cat seems totally annoyed by our advances and only will allow the other cats to come near her. I keep “den” areas all over the house. They have cat condo’s, boxes, cabinets, cat tunnels, the mud room, etc. She is not vulnerable or without privacy. Even when we are just walking by not thinking about her, she runs from us. I know how and have in the past rehabilitated damaged and abused cats. They always come around and accept some human kindness. Except this one.

You’ve only had her for six months, right? How long did it take for Sunny to come around?

She will also, but it might just take her a little longer. At least you know she’s highly motivated by food. That’s why I suggested trying to get her to eat from your hand before you give her her regular food.

There are a couple of videos on Jackson Galaxy’s site which show the step by step procedure he taught other owners with similar cats. One was definitely a feral and she eventually showed improvement as well. There’s even one case where the cat was not only skittish but would attack the lady as well.

At least yours isn’t as bad as that. Some cats just take a little longer (slow learners?).

BTW none of my cats are allowed outside once they are brought into the house. Everyone gets vet checked and microchipped. sometimes we might put our cat Lion on a leash and bring him into the back yard with us, when we go on long drives we take him also but only him. He is more like a pit bull than a cat (LOL) and comes when he is called, is very affectionate and very unafraid; hence the name Lion. He is amazing and a leader to the other cats in the house. He is smart, diplomatic, and has the best disposition of any cat I’ve ever known. He even “tells” us what he wants. He scratches on the door 3 times to ask to come in, he meows at 2 X intervals for can food and when my husband comes home he runs to the dining room table to be picked up and carried around the house by him. Okay, I just had to brag about Lion as he is my familiar and everyone’s favorite, lol. Sunny is just as smart and loving. Of course we will give the newest addition some more time to adjust and trust. It is just difficult for us to have a cat that we cannot touch and love. That is the whole reason we wanted cats in the first place.