At what age should a child take the subway, be left alone at home etc.

I was left alone at 12 and I got into lots of trouble. I would say it should be case by case.

…I mean not just those 2 items but in general.

Based on the maturity of the child. Their are some adults who cannot be left alone.

It depends on the activity.

Left at home for an hour or two? Nine or ten, depending on the maturity of the child.

A subway? Where? New York? I would say not alone until 18. With friends? 15 or 16.

@marinelife Most kids in the city are taking the subway alone much younger than that – often to get to school.

I say it depends on the kid and the parents’ confidence. There shouldn’t be set rules for all kids.

My kids have been taking BART (the local rapid transit) into San Francisco since they were in middle school. That’s a 25 mile ride from the suburbs. But that was in the middle of the day. When I was in 2nd grade I took the bus by myself all over San Francisco to get to school.

As others have said, there isn’t any hard and fast rule about this stuff. And for police or Child Services to have a brightline rule is ludicrous, because it doesn’t take into account the child.

I’ve been thinking about that a lot. When I was a kid, there was a whole neighborhood of us left to our own devices til our parents came home, and I certainly would ride the bus at age 9 with my 2 younger sisters and 5 year old brother the 7 miles to the Summer recreation center 5 days a week. After the rec center was torn down, we simply played outside and roamed the neighborhoods with our friends. Sure we sometimes got into mischief, but the adults in the neighborhood were extremely effective at either snitching us out to our parents or “disciplining” us themselves. My own children were tasked to riding the bus when my son was 10, and he had the unpleasant job of toting his 5 year old handful of a sister with him the majority of the time. He still hasn’t forgiven me. My 2 grandsons (the eldest is now 14) are NEVER out of sight of a supervising adult. I doubt if either of them has even seen the interior of a municipal bus or trolley. They’re chauffeured everywhere and guarded like the crown jewels. When I remind their parents of their own childhoods, they come back with “things are different and MUCH more dangerous now” Is it true, or are we just more paranoid?

When I was 10 my sister and I would take 2 buses to piano lessons on our own and me and my buds would take buses for the 30 mile ride to Wrigley Field to watch the Cubbies play ball. Public transportation was a way of life and the only way to get around for citigoers who were lucky enough to have even one car in the family.

From about age 11, I’d babysit my younger brother and go places on my own. I can recall being 12-years-old, walking downtown by myself or with my brother in tow, and using my piggy-bank savings to go shopping.

IMHO, today’s parents are much too protective and hovering. The transition from childhood to adulthood happens gradually, as kids become progressively more independent and capable of looking after themselves. How can anyone gain those things without incremental life experiences?

If I had a kid? I’d hire Lenore Skenazy to babysit.
I think learning confidence is the best insurance against trouble.

That said, I have a fairly strong personality, and I expect my kid would have the same. Confident, but non-aggressive.

Now, how do we protect the meek?

I was 6’1” when I was 12 and had the beginnings of a mustache. When I was 13 I skipped 88 days of school and watched fox kids and nes alone at the day. I also hung out in the roofing and watched the truant officers from the gutters. I microwaved steaks and slept all day and hid in the dresser when my father skipped work to catch me. I only got in trouble once when my father drove a
block away and caught me skipping school and I lied and told him that I didn’t want to get my arm cast wet. I had to fight bullies to get to school so I ignored them and slept in. I learned to live during the night and relax in the day. I never got in any real trouble and was able to look after my self. After all I had nightmares if I slept at night and I saw the electro static man when I slept in the day I had restful sleep.

I started taking MAX (local light rail) all over the place with my friends at 12. My niece (adopted by my sister, very recently) is almost 12 and she can’t be trusted to be left home alone for any amount of time at all, let alone to venture somewhere outside of the house. Not only is she not responsible enough, she flat out wouldn’t be capable of handling it.

My point is that it completely depends on the child.

The child protective agency that I worked for (government) specified no hard and fast rule for any specific age for it to be ok/not ok for a child to be left alone. It all depended on the child and the circumstances. Some children with developmental disabilities should never be left alone. Children who are more mature who are maybe in a two family house with relatives downstairs might be left alone for a short time at a younger age.

This was discussed on The Today Show the other day and the hosts were saying they thought 12 was appropriate.

When I was a kid (early 1970’s), we walked all over town, crossed major roads, spent all day out without cell phones (which didn’t exist). It was a different world then. When I was about 13 I started taking the commuter rail to Grand Central Station in Manhattan and then a subway to visit my mom at work. I’d take buses all over the city where I lived. I’d go by myself on weekends to hang out in NYC. I’d shop on Canal Street, hang out in the Village. I was 14 and up then. Manhattan was a 45 minute train ride from where I lived.

Kid (in the fifty’s) go on a date in 5th grade; pick-up “Betty” at her house; pay for bus fare, go to movies; pay for movie with soda and popcorn, pay for ride on bus back home. Not yet 11 years old. Twelve go on bike trip, no adults, for 35 miles round trip in Southern California.

At nine you should be starting to leave the child alone for short periods of time. By twelve you should be ok leaving them for several hours. And, by twelve they should be ok taking the subway in groups.

There are so many variables that you just can’t make a hard and fast rule about appropriate age.

When I taught 3rd grade in Bklyn., N. Y. most of my students (ages 8 or 9) traveled by public transportation, bus, subway, or both. A few lived close enough to walk and fewer still had a parent drive them.

But there usually was no choice or debate about the issue. If it’s a single parent home, then that parent needs to go to work so those kids learn to take bus or subway pretty early in life.

But the normal thing in large cities with kids and public transportation to and from school is that they are usually in groups small or large and traveling during the same approx. time period. Very seldom is a child traveling alone and vulnerable. And of course, they are all assiduously trained to not interact with adult strangers WHO APPROACH THEM at all. And they’re not afraid to make a scene if necessary. Plus, this is in daytime and in the city there are always other people around.

I remember this issue from years ago and Lenore Skenazy catching a lot of flack for allowing her kid to take the subway at 10 yrs. of age. They were calling her the worst parent in the world. How ridiculous ! ! As a matter of fact this was the first Q in which I participated on my first day of Fluther.

And my observation then is the same as today. For her it was a choice. How about the tons of parents for whom its a necessity rather than a choice?

This is primarily a choice for affluent people to debate about. Those with cars and plenty of spare time are available to “helicopter” their kids to their heart’s content.

For ordinary working class folks, (barely just over the poverty line) they don’t have the luxury of debate. They have jobs to go to and if they live in the city, usually no car. With parking and insurance, owning a car in the city is an expensive headache.

Both they and their kids take public transport on a daily basis because that’s how they get around. And working parents don’t usually have the type of jobs that allow for flex-time so are simply not able to helicopter over their kids. They’re too busy earning a living.

There is just no practical way to make a one size fits all policy.

To reiterate what I said above, and explain, if there’s a child for whom it’s inappropriate to be left alone, due to their immaturity or whatever, if there’s an issue, it’s a CPS report.

My grandfather taught me to drive our pickup truck at 8, out in the field, not on the highway. Prior to that I drove all the tractors and operated all kinds of equipment. They’d turn me loose all the time to go off by myself and do what ever had to be done Was my judgement always the best, no, but I’m still here and mostly intact.

Me, too. I agree with you @Adirondackwannabe. Just that the laws are different now.

@jca I miss those days. Yes, we busted our butts, but we made a heck of a team. I remeber one day we put in 5000 bales of hay. That’s about 125 tons. My grandfather looked at the bale counter that night and he nodded his head n satisfaction. To impress him took a lot.

But a person has to be 16 for driving or working or 18 for y, 21 for z depending on the jurisdiction. I believe there is a hard and fast rule for letting be alone etc. Isn’t that why they end up in Child Protection Services, or in court?

@flo Not if you’re on your families farm. They can make you do whatever. I didn’t mind. They ddn’t ask me to do anything they weren’t doing.

@flo: Driving and working are different. Driving involves operating something that can potentially be lethal for the driver and for the public. That is, driving on public roads. As @Adirondackwannabe said, if you’re driving on private property, you’re on your own. Working is different, too, because workers can be exploited and little kids are supposed to be concentrating on school work, not working.

I grew up in the city and was left alone for only short hours by the age of 12 and took the subway alone at 15. At 13 I was allowed to travel into Manhattan if I went with a group of friends. I think it really depends where you live, how mature the child is, their health and the necessity of having to travel alone. At 15 I switch to a school that was in Manhattan, so I had no choice but to travel alone. All of my siblings where going to different schools in other directions and no one from my school lived in my neighborhood.
Personally, I think 9 is too young.
I worked on an off as we moved, and only took part time jobs that would allow me to be home before or after the kids went to school. As teens, they were allowed to be home alone together after 14 years of age. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust them but my daughter was asthmatic and I was always worry there could be a medical emergency with her. At the time, I only worked a half a mile away and my husband would be home by 430 pm and the kids usually arrived by 230.

I understand all your points.

@Adirondackwannabe . I have heard very very young children growing up operating equipments. So, the children of the countryside don’t have any protection/rights? I don’t understand.

But there is a has to be a minimum age. if not a 4, 5 yr olds if they are mature enough, they can be left alone, which of course can’t be what you mean. Even when parents are at home they have to be supervised.

@flo We had protection. It was called the love from my father. He made sure I was able to operate all the equipment before he let me do it on my own. I was never exploited. I loved doing it. Except for the bags of fertilizer. They put a nice roof over my head, fed me really well, and we all worked together. I was taught to be responsible for myself at an early age.

@Adirondackwannabe Thanks to your father’s love and attention, you were on your way to manhood when most guys are still young boys.

@Adirondackwannabe But Child Protection etc. exist because of the minority of parents who are not like your parents.