Is having children really worth it in the end or does it feel like it was slavery ?

It’s worth it for some people, not so much for others. There’s nothing wrong with deciding that you don’t want children, so you should never feel like you have to have them. I’m 30 and I don’t have any, but I’m still on the fence about it, even though I know that, realistically, I wouldn’t like to have them much later than this if I decide to.

Follow your heart and you can’t go wrong.

I am on the fence too… :( big time

How old are you?

32

Well , I am in my early fifties ,been married for over 26 years to a great lady, we chose the no kid path,and freakin LOVE,LOVE,LOVE it, I don’t hate kids just knew from the start I did not want any of my own and fell in love with a lady who shared the same views.

The house is fully paid for , we have no debt of any kind ,and we might just be able to retire before we die,if we had,had kids we no way would be in this position today.
IF you do choose the child path then take it 100% there is no backing out and be the best parent you can be.
BUT no one should begrudge you if you choose the childless path as well.

Can I ask are you married, and what does your spouse feel about kids???
If your not married then make sure who ever you do end up with in the long term shares your views, if one of you really wants kids and the other does does not your relationship will suffer big time if not down right fail.

I don’t think there’s a clear cut answer. For some, raising children may be their dream. But it’s not a top priority for me. I love the freedom.

@SQUEEKY2 all of what you say plus the fact that your children’s problems,pain and issues are with you until your dying day. You never feel fully at ease no matter how old they are.

Marriage felt more like slavery to me than motherhood. Motherhood was more like the big life project I always wanted. If you think you cant be sympathetic to a childs needs, and put them first, dont have kids.

I’ve always believed that the urge to parent is absolutely irrational. It’s a lottery, and the most expensive long lasting gamble 2 people can ever risk. Nothing short of a heroin habit is going to guarantee you greater expense or frustration. The rewards CAN be condiderable, but believe me, even then, you’re gonna pay.

Motherhood was the making of me. It makes me grow as a person every day. I believe I’m doing a good job bringing up my two girls and that having me as their mum enriches their lives too.

Being a parent is worth it to me, it never felt like “slavery”, that seems to be a bizarre and overblown descriptor. It is another part of life. Life is messy and inconvenient in general, having kids doesn’t make it less so, just differently so.

I don’t compare my life to people who didn’t have kids, that would be pointless and silly, but I have noticed that some people without kids (at least on this site) seem to often go on at great length about how wonderful it is, how glad they are, etc.
Gotta wonder who needs convincing?

children are the ultimate expression of ego.
there is no more egoistic thought than “i think there needs to be more of me”

I don’t have kids, but when I spend time with children I love it. Watching them figure things out, listening to their interests, watching them care help others, seeing them smile, and play, and work at something, and when they want to be with you it is a wonderful selfish thing, but it makes you feel wanted or needed. There are some kids that aren’t like this, but they are a small minority from what I have experienced.

My mom has always said (half joking) she was a slave to her kids. She also always said (completely seriously and still does) that her favorite time in her life was when her kids were little. I don’t really see it as one or the other. Children require a commitment to being able to put them first. I think this is no problem for most people. Some people resent it, it cramps their style. Probably those people shouldn’t have kids, or need to really think through how they are going to raise the children if they do still want kids.

More than one study has been done about happiness and having children. There are some conflicting results, and possibly things have changed in the last 30 years culturally. The general consensus of late is happiness goes down for many couples when their children are born. That couples with children have more highs and lows, while childless couple have less of a roller coaster. Couples with children also tend to have great happiness when their children are adults. It’s like they pay time, money, and stress, but they reap great rewards.

I find myself thinking about a friend who tried for 8 years to get pregnant, and finally it happened. She always had seemed to have a happy marriage from where I sat. We were having lunch one day, her 6 month old baby in the carriage next to us, and it turned out she was a month pregnant at the time, but she didn’t know yet. We are at lunch and she said to me in a dead serious voice, “I never knew I could hate my husband so much.” She talked about him not helping enough and she seemed to have a lot of resentment.

Another girlfriend of mine lives having children. Loved every step of it. Sure, some days she was overwhelmed, exhausted, angry, scared, worried, but she loves being a mom.

I don’t think there is any right answer. Each person has to decide for themselves whether they want kids and be realistic about what is required to raise them, and realize whatever they think about what it is like to have kids, they should assume they underestimate how hard it really is.

Probably the worst is having kids when you never really wanted them, and resent them all the time. Maybe a close second is my situation, wanting them and never having them. For me, the saving grace is I do enjoy my life and my husband, and really appreciate out freedom, I just don’t think I would really feel a huge loss of freedom if we did have children. I also know my worrying would probably be pretty high in the scale if I had kids, and I acknowledge appreciating not having the worry, but I feel I miss out on the joy children can bring.

Interesting answers all. I can’t say I enjoyed the features of fatherhood nor that I even thought much about it at the time. It merely was what it was. I can’t recall a single time where I consciously made a choice between what I wanted and what he wanted/needed. Typically it was what I wanted to do for him. Hard to explain but he was fun to be around, like a best friend. He’s almost 40 now and he’s still fun to be around. I never sought to have a child nor have I ever regretted it. If you view it as a burden maybe it’s not right for you but maybe it’s not the burden you think it is.

Yes But @Jaxk Parenthood isn’t a job you just try and see if you like it or not,once in, your in it for life sorta like the mafia.
And @canidmajor I am not trying to convince anyone of our choice,we got ganged up on for the first ten years of our marriage about we just had to have children,with idiot things like who is going to take care of you in your old age,or who is going to carry on the family name type thing.
Having a child is a life long commitment there is no backing out,and for some it is the biggest blessing for others a life long curse.
I ask those that are on the fence to really soul search and make sure they are ready for a job that will be with them for the rest of their lives,if they choose to go in then go in 100% and never look back.
Or like we did don’t go in and live life from there.

@ZEPHYRA Of course you would worry about your kids no matter how old they are, my mother in law is in her late eighties and still worries night and day about her grown children.

Having kids is an extremely personal decision and one should never allow anyone else to influence such a serious and life altering choice.
I’m a almost 56 yr. old mother of an almost, 28 year old daughter. ( Our birthdays are Nov./Dec.) She is my only child and I was an only child as well. While I knew I wanted A child, I also knew I was not cut our for a herd of children, many of my friends had 3 and 4 kids, and witnessing the insanity of that just boggled my mind. haha

That said, I love my daughter dearly, we share many common interests, the same sense of humor and we share many enjoyable talks and get togethers, Just the other night she had me on the floor describing an obnoxious women she works with and how annoying she is.
I really enjoyed raising her and was a fun and creative mom and the overall experience was very positive, minus a few extremely frustrating teenage years, but that goes with the territory most of the time. She was never in trouble just stubborn, rebellious, and a total smart ass. lol

I have no regrets but, to be perfectly honest I will say that I am experiencing some disappointment surrounding her lack of making more effort to stay in touch and commit to visits in the last year or so. We live an hour apart but I am lucky to see her maybe every 3–4 months for an evening or the occasional weekend.
I am not a needy mom, am very independent, not a guilt tripper, not emotionally manipulative and while I make allowances for her busy work schedule, live in boyfriend of 2 years and focus on all the positives, I do feel at times that she is quite self centered. I have another friend who has 3 grown kids ages 21, 25 and 30 and the 2 oldest, a boy and a girl have treated her just horribly, demanding, entitled, verbally and emotionally abusive.

She was an excellent mom and is beside herself trying to figure out what went wrong with these two. She has a very close relationship with her youngest daughter and that is her only comfort.
I suspect the older daughter is borderline personality disordered from her extremely emotionally abusive behaviors, uses the 4 year old grand daughter as a pawn, with holding her from her grandmother when she doesn’t get her way with mom. and the son is just a selfish jerk that borrowed a lot of money to build a shop on his property and then just arbitrarily decided that he shouldn’t have to pay it back and it should be considered part of his inheritance! Never mind the agreement they made.

Anyway, I am rambling, but, my point is, yes, there are no guarantees with kids so you must approach having a child from as unselfish of a standpoint as possible, you have children to share the best of yourself with them, period, and when your job is done you hope that you will enjoy a good adult relationship with them but like any relationship, you cannot build on expectations. You enjoy the moments and free them to be their own person.

It’s worth it if you raise them in a loving home. Luck has nothing to do with success when raising children.

It’s a false statement to say extended families rarely exist. Maybe not in the large cities, but travel to small towns and you’ll find that most families have many generations living close together.

I don’t think it’s slavery, but I think we romance the whole notion a little too much. I love my kids, but there’s no way around saying at least the first few years are tough. Not for some, some people were born to have kids and it’s fulfilling a life’s dream. But I think for anyone wondering, people should be honest with them.

I think people get in trouble because they expect to just bolt a kid on to their existing life and keep everything else the same. That doesn’t happen. You’re going to be dedicated to that kid or it’s not going to go well. You have to sell out a bit to be a good parent, at least at first.

I tried explaining it to a friend with no kids. I told them it was like my best friend was in an accident and had to relearn everything from scratch, so I agreed to take care of them and teach them as they went.

Would that be slavery? Does that prospect scare you to no end? Or do you feel like that would be a good way to spend several years of your life? Helping someone get a fresh start.

I think that will tell you if you want to have kids or not.

as far as it being an exercise in ego, I don’t think anything has been more humbling

I was 41 when I had my now 8 year old daughter. I lived the majority of my adult life as a childless person, traveling and doing all kinds of stuff. When I was pregnant, someone in my family described having a child as “it adds another dimension to your life.” I think that’s an excellent summing up of what it is. It’s work but I don’t mind. I’m a relatively flexible parent and my daughter is a pretty well behaved child.

No, it’s never felt like slavery to me. My husband and I planned him with the best of intentions.

I adore my son; he’s the coolest. He’s a pain in the ass sometimes, but he’s seven. They do that.

I fully support and respect anyone who recognizes they are not thrilled about the idea of being a parent and want to opt out of that live choice. It’s not for everyone, and there is no shortage of breeding pairs in the world.

@dammitjanetfromvegas I don’t agree with your take on luck having nothing to do with the rearing of kids. If you have the very good luck to be born into a loving family and preferably a loving extended family you are going to be well ahead of the curve when it comes to parenting. And even then, I’ve seen enough terrifying aberrations of personality to convince me that while luck isn’t everything, my success with my kids was more about random chance and lucky coincidences than I had any right to expect.

Thanks. Yes i am married. We are both not sure we want them . We both come from dysfunctional backgrounds so maybe that is why. I think kids should grow up around or close to their extended family. I cannot offer them this and dont think it fair to expose them to the drama me or my husband went through. So yes i feel like if i have kids they will turn out with the same issues i am having now. I also feel like with kids it is too unpredictable. U never know what u are getting. That terrifies me. Thanks for your answers.
Also i am not sure it fits un with our lifestyle. We love travelling. I cannot see us giving that up. My husband says he can but in reality i think he will get bored with an ordinary life. We have never had a settled life but are trying to now. But i just feel like i will feel bored and trapped with kids. Who knows

Hey don’t let anyone tell you to,or not to have kids,if your both happy without them ,then go from there, I sure don’t regret not having them,we love the freedom to do our own thing when we want,if you do change your mind later why not look at adopting,take an unwanted child and make it wanted then adding another one to this already way over crowded planet.

I’m not trying to convince you, but I don’t see travel as a huge obstacle, except that having kids adds to the expense of travel, and in the teen years they might bitch a little about traveling. I am assuming you don’t travel half the year or anything extreme like that. When they are before the age of 5 you can travel with them to your hearts content all year long. Once in school, if it is a typical school year, you can travel a month or so in the summer, and you get many long weekends and other vacation weeks. The biggest problem is you get stuck traveling during peak (expensive) times. I personally never worried about travel with kids, I worry about it if I had a pet, which is why I don’t let my husband get a pet.

The part about it being unpredictable, and that being terrifying, that’s true. You can’t know, God forbid, if the child is going to have some sort of illness or disability. Its most likely they would be healthy and normal, but there is no guarantee. There is a lot of prenatal testing now that helps guard against some of the congenital possibilities. If you adopt a toddler many things are already diagnosed.

It’s nice to have extended family for kids, but many children grow up without it. I live in America, a big percentage of our population grew up as the first born in America and never knew their grandparents, or only met them a few times.

I know many many couples who never had children. Most are fine with it, some regret never having them. Only you can decide. Try to think of yourself at 70 and your spouse dies. Do you wish you had children? You can’t have them, and go through all
It takes to raise kids, just to have family around when you’re 70, but I think it is something to consider as part of the equation. Some kids don’t stay close to their parents anyway, so you get no guarantee at 70 even if you have children.

I don’t know how old you are, maybe you mentioned it above, maybe you have time to think about it more.

Not having kids does mean less worry and fewer logistical things to deal with.

Kids under 2 fly free on your lap, but other than that, traveling with kids under 5 is pretty daunting. Especially if there is more than one. You’re basically just taking their routine on the road.

As far as travel, when they’re little, you’re likely going to travel by car to places that are family friendly, like places with beaches or pools (resorts, Cape Cod, etc.). When they’re school age, like @JLeslie said, you’re more limited to school vacations although I have been creative with that, taking my daughter out of school a few days to add on to my days (Election Day, for example), and beat the crowds. My daughter is 8 and in addition to driving vacations like Cape Cod and resorts, we’ve taken flights to Disney World. She is at the age where she can handle a longer flight so I’m thinking of a trip maybe to the West Coast or to Europe.

Yeah, it was kind of like slavery, except I worked my ass of out of love and the feeling of being part of the team. Plus they didn’t ask me to work any harder than they did. Just you work a 15 to 20 hour day when the weather was good, get up and do it again, it would wear you down. so we made sure there’s was lot’s of fun in there too. Not the angle you expected?

Good point by @Adirondackwannabe. Anything you do for a child, chances are you won’t mind doing it because you love them so much. Nights you have to go home because you have them, or it’s a school night, or they’re sick, or you want to watch something different on TV but can’t, whatever.

I’ve had great experiences in my life, and I’ve achieved a great deal. My greatest achievements are my children. I’ve never seen raising them as slavery. It’s not always been easy. There have been times when it’s been very hard, and I’ve felt inadequate and honestly when times have been very tough, I’ve not been sure I’m doing a great job. However, I’ve never regretted having my children. It’s not logical. My children weren’t all planned (I have three). From the moment I was aware of them, I wanted them to come into this world. I didn’t want children before I found out I was pregnant with my first child, and from that moment I was totally committed to protecting her and the same is true of her siblings. I’m fiercely proud and protective of them.

I’ve always seen parenting my children as a blessing and a privilege rather than slavery or a burden. I don’t own them. They don’t owe me anything. I don’t expect them to always be here. If their lives take them elsewhere, that’s how it will be. I have the responsibility for guiding them through life to the best of my ability. Hopefully, I will help them to continue to develop into independent, productive, loving individuals. All I want for them is that they find their passion, and live their lives to the fullest. So far, while they sometimes do things that make my hair go grey, I think we’re doing fine. They’re great people. I like spending time with them. I wouldn’t change things for a second.

Of all of my friends, even ones whose children (adult children) are not angelic, I don’t know of one parent who would wish they’d not had their children.

@jca Agreed. :-)

Remember, @chinchin31, that up until recent human history, there wasn’t a lot of choice, either physically or socially. We are very fortunate to be able to make these choices, now, so it’s not a bad idea to really ponder these questions.
I have known women who were afraid that they would view a baby growing within them as a parasite, but some did it anyway and were very happy. Others decided not to, for all sorts of reasons, and we’re glad that they didn’t. And others still never did and regretted it when it was too late.
I wish you the best with this decision, it is an important one. However you decide, I wish you happiness. :-)

@Adirondackwannabe, I thought, from what you’ve said in the past, that you didn’t have children. I’m confused.

@canidmajor I don’t have kids. I was referring to my childhood. I was the slave labor. ~

I can think of one woman who regretted having kids and never let them forget it…

Yeah. That’s the worst part of it. The kids are compelled to play the lottery. The real tragedy is in not having any choice in your parents, I was an out and out winner in that particular event, and nothing I’ve done in my frightfully lucky life can exceed that extraordinary piece of good fortune.

Maybe ask your own parents?
Was it worth having me?
Most pregnancies were unexpected.
And as a Priest once told me..that 95 % of the couples that he married it was noted that the women was pregnant at that time.
In rare cases is the couple that actually “plans” for a child.
There is not ‘right time” to have a child..if one waited for the right time…it would never be as always obstacles and other priorities would interfer.
Having children does in no way guarantee that in old age that they would fulfill ones expectations of future visits etc
That is not the intention of having children “to look after ones parents in old age”.
The parent must plan for those eventualities ahead of time and budget for that.
Also in old age one would be better to be active at all ages in goals set for each decade rather than expect to “be looked after”.
We are all here for a reason and purpose and I do not think that it was to sattle our children into burdoning them to look after us.

I remember back in the 70’s some study that said over ⅓ of parents in the survey said if they could do it over again they wouldn’t have children. I have no idea how many people they asked or how the study was conducted. I tried to google it, but couldn’t find it. What I do remember is my parents saying they would and the father of my girlfriend saying he wouldn’t. Her mom said she would.

I know two people who would have preferred to never have had children. One, I’m sure her son has no idea, and she does love him, he was very planned. The other person it was pretty obvious she wasn’t thrilled about being a parent, but she still was an ok parent.

@Inspired_2write I don’t know where you live, but I’m in America and I wonder what the statistics are here. The majority of my friends very much planned their children. My maternal side of my family all pretty much planned their children back to my grandmother. I know plenty of people who didn’t plan (but only two are friends of mine, the rest are just people I know) but I still wonder what the stats are?

@JLeslie: I’m thinking of my close friends and they all planned their children except one friend who planned 2 out of 3 (last was a surprise, as they call it). Others either planned them or couldn’t conceive and so used artificial means or adopted.

I just realized my SIL’s second baby was a “surprise.” That would be one other.

Our first two were not planned. Our third child was.

I know at least five girls who graduated with my sons a few years ago who conceived right out of high school. Those children were not planned.

I was a surprise. My brother and sister were, too. (I’m almost certain my sister is my half sister, but I’ve never told her that)

My husband was a surprise. My husband’s uncle, who is five years older than he is? They thought he was menopause. Surprise!

My son was planned, what good that did (thanks, 2008).

My daughter was planned and I was married for over 6 years when she was born.

There you have it for some people children are their biggest blessing, and for others a true nightmare, just make sure it is truly what you and your husband want,there is no backing out once committed .
I am truly glad we chose the no kid path,for others they couldn’t imagine their life without children.
Being on the fence must be totally frustrating not knowing if you do or you don’t want to be a parent.
I knew pretty early on I did not, and was glad to meet a lady who shared those views.
You said in a post your 32 you have a few years left to decide, but really discuss it with your husband and go from there.

Did anybody here who had (has) kids say it was a true nightmare, @SQUEEKY2? I don’t believe I saw that but could have and missed it.

@chinchin31 Do you enjoy being with children? Maybe that’s the question? One big reason I want to have kids, because I love when kids are around. If I had kids, they wouldn’t be young forever, but for a long while. Eventually, they grow up and leave, and I think I would be fine with that too. Most people I know are ready for their children to be independent when the time rolls around.

If you don’t feel any joy spending time with children then it makes sense that you wouldn’t want them. Nothing wrong with that.

This is sounding sorta like politics,and trying to sway this poor woman on which way to vote, we have the child side saying children have made my life so much richer and worth living, sure, but then leave out the sleepless nights, the huge sacrifices,the teen years that they are striving for independence and want you to bank roll all their adventures.

Then we have the No kid side, tons of freedom, less financial strain, do what you want when you want, but then leave out missing all the little accomplishments , such as their first goal on the sports team,their first A in a subject,their wedding, a little one to share your life with.
BOTH sides have their pluses and negatives,but in the end it HAS to be this couples choice and lets hope they make the choice that best fits them.
The older I get the more glad I become that we didn’t have kids,but that is us, for others it is the complete opposite.

@jca whether they say it or not, we all know enough people to support the adage that littered among “God’s little blessings are more than a few demonic little curses”. And on the other end of the street, the number of folks unfit for parenting yet “blessed” with children is depressingly huge and busily eradicating the nurturing necessities required of soon to be future parents.

True and true, @stanleybmanly, just wondering where @SQUEEKY2 got that from above.

Again I compare parenthood,to like joining the Mafia,the only way out is death.
If you are going to join then give it 10000% or don’t go in.
BUT luckily in todays world it is a choice.

It’s a choice for the parents. On the other hand…...

@SQUEEKY2, the question is specifically worded in a “take sides” way. Which is why some are taking sides. Most of the posts, however, seem to be well considered and discussing of choice.

@canidmajor and for those that are discussing choice I highly commend them.
I am sorry to go on,with this subject, my wife and I had to really defend our choice for the first ten years of our marriage, people kept on us saying we just had to and who would carry the family name,and who would take care of us type thing.
I don’t hate children, just don’t want any of our own and the older I get the more glad I get from our choice,MAYBE one day I might regret it but I very much doubt it.
NOW I want to ask you, we had to very much defend our choice as to not having children.
DID YOU ever have to defend your choice as to having children??

For me, did I have to defend my choice as to having children, no, but I had my daughter late in life (age 41). I would have been fine not having one, but I did want one. It added a dimension to my life (as I said above, a relative told me it would at the time I made my announcement).

To anyone who goes on and on about how happy they are not having children, I say it seems they’re trying to convince themselves, as nobody else needs convincing. The majority of people live with their choice(s) either way, and life goes on.

Yes, @SQUEEKY2, I did, to my family, to many of my friends, and to people who tried to actively prevent me from having children. I’m not going to go into the “why” of it here, but your experience is not at all unique.

@jca some people go on and on how great their life is with children, and no one is questioning them about their choice, why can’t childless couples do the same, about not having them??

@SQUEEKY2: I’m saying nobody needs to be convinced in either direction. As I said “the majority of people live with their choice(s) either way, and life goes on.”

@SQUEEKY2 – do you really think that no one questions people’s choice to have children? You keep saying that, but I really can’t believe it.

I’m sorry you and yours feel persecuted for not having kids (honestly), but I’ve had to explain dozens of times why I “decided” to have kids when things are so great without them. I don’t take it personally, some people can’t imagine their life without kids, others can’t imagine their life with them.

I think I saw this here, but it’s really stuck with me. Read The Referendum. Some of my friend’s opinion of children is summarized perfectly by a line there.

I have never even idly thought for a single passing second that it might make my life nicer to have a small, rude, incontinent person follow me around screaming and making me buy them stuff for the rest of my life. [Note to friends with children: I am referring to other people’s children, not to yours.]

But the author is able to acknowledge the other side and see that there are questions on both. Nobody here is trying to convince you or the poster to have children. Nobody is suggesting your decision is wrong. The questions specifically asks for the upsides of having children, because the downsides are apparent to the asker. That’s worth remembering while reading the responses here.

@funkdaddy said it best: ”Nobody is suggesting your decision is wrong. The questions specifically asks for the upsides of having children, because the downsides are apparent to the asker. That’s worth remembering while reading the responses here.”

@SQUEEKY2 I call bullshit. I don’t think people are trying to push the OP one way or the other. They are trying to give their side, their experience. I don’t have children, and I rarely feel pushed by people to have kids. When people do “push” I think it is because they are happy being parents, and want other people to experience it. It’s from a good place usually, not a judgmental place. It can feel hurtful to me sometimes, because they ask questions that are very private and they don’t know I wanted kids, and if I say I want them, then they ask about adoption, it goes on, and it can be difficult. But, those people usually have enjoyed their children, the don’t want others to miss out. They know in the end it’s a personal choice, they just don’t want the other person to have regrets. Plenty of people don’t have children and don’t regret it.

I’ve had to defend myself many times for having children when we couldn’t afford it. We’ve had to use food stamps and medical cards for years while raising our oldest children. Many people look down on couples like Jon and I but I could never have an abortion just because a pregnancy is inconvenient.

@dammitjanetfromvegas, it’s a no win. If you had even considered terminating any pregnancy people would also have been up in your face about it. You’re too young. You’re too old. You’re too poor. You’re too rich. Blah blah blah. Any decision any of us make regarding the having (or not) of children tends to be subject to criticism by so many.

So you see, @SQUEEKY2, you are not the most persecuted by any means.

@canidmajor Thanks I am beginning to see that now, maybe we should just live with the choices we have made, I am glad you are a fine mother and look after and love your kids, and I am still glad we chose not to go down the parenthood path.

For what it’s worth I have had the same experience when telling people I choose to not own a dog any more. haha
I have had dogs but find them too high maintenance and prefer cats.
OMG! To say you don’t really care for dogs is right up there with being a freaking terrorist.

I have been called “evil”, “selfish”, and all manner of nasty insults by crazed dog lovers for simply having a pet preference. lol

I agree @Coloma we prefer cats to dogs, and I love dogs just don’t want one to much work and maintenance we both just rather have a cat, clean litter box full water and food dish,see ya in three days cat, life is good.
And yet we have friends that are dog crazy and think we should have dogs,and wonder why we don’t.

But again pet ownership isn’t even close to parenthood, a quick trip to the pound or give it to a friend and your free of the pet.
Can’t do that with a child, you can’t decide oops it’s more grief and work than I was counting on don’t want to do this any more type thing, so people should really soul search and realize it aint all picnics and flowers, it’s tons of sacrifices, dedication, worry,and a life long commitment and for some well worth it.
For other not so much.

@Coloma LOL! So true. I’m not a dog person and people are so judgmental about it. Way worse than not having children.

okay…
I don’t enjoy being around other people’s kids

I think babies are cute as long as they don’t talk, are quiet or don’t need a diaper change

But who knows.. I might love my own children and not care..

When I was younger I used to think it would be cool to have kids, but that is when I saw kids as some kind of perfect fantasy with no problems. BUT the older I get the more I realise that it is a huge responsibility with so many possible outcomes.

I hate uncertainty. Life is already difficult enough when you don’t have kids.

I think if I have children I will constantly be having anxiety attacks.

@chinchin31, I was never into other people’s kids. When people brought their new babies into work to show off, I was not there asking to hold it. Amazingly, once I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I was flooded with maternal feelings for my baby. So perhaps you might love your own children. No way of knowing unless you have some.

In the end, you have to decide if children are important to your future life or not. I don’t believe those who don’t have children should be judged. I have relatives who haven’t married or had children and none of my children seem likely to have children. Do what feels right to you.

Take a few years and really soul search this question with your husband, and then decide if you want down this path,but be warned once taken there is no turning back.
I do realize for some they are the biggest blessing ,and take the hard work that goes with it in stride, for others total resentment.
Just make sure you’re ready for all the hard work ,and sacrifice ,that comes with parenthood if you do choose it,there is no turning back.
I am not trying to sway you one way or the other,it’s just parenthood is one of those jobs you can’t just try and see if you like it or not,once in your in it for life, with all the joys and hardships it brings,if you do choose it make sure it is you and your husbands choice and not ANYONE else’s.

@Earthbound_Misfit: Before I had a baby, I, too, wasn’t into kids much at all. I may have thought they were cute, but that was about it. Once I got pregnant and people started talking to me about babies and kids, a coworker told me that I would now start studying babies and kids in a way I had never before. Also, being a CPS worker, I was told I would look at my job differently. Yes, and Yes. I started looking closely at babies and kids. What they wore, their stages, how they behaved, differences and similarities. I did also look at my job differently, and I look at people who abuse and neglect their children differently. I guess I think of my own child and I find it so hard to imagine. Not that I think childless people might not feel the same, but it changed when I got pregnant, for me at least.

If I could have had one or two more, I would have. Once I had one and was so in love with her, I would gladly have another. Financially, I could afford it. However, due to other circumstances, it’s not going to happen. Other parents I know feel the same way. They’d gladly have more if they could.

I also agree don’t judge those who don’t and you definitely have to do what’s right for you. If you don’t want them, then go with your gut and don’t have them.

I am beginning to wonder ‘if” people who have children did not realize the complexities and responsibilities were?
Perhaps with everyday struggles with providing for a family plu the responsibilities of rearing children with in a bad economy with job losses etc is the cause of the regrets?
perhaps the singles have regrets too?

I’m one of those woman who wanted children , family.. a devoted husband…these things were in my soul… I didn’t have the greatest family life.. parents divorced, Mom ran off with a drunk, then raised by a wicked step Mother. I envied those with larger boisterous families.. like my best friend had up the road…

I got down on my knees and prayed to find a man who had similar dreams.. in all honesty.. I believe God put those strong desires in me.. then allowed for this great guy to find me.. and we rode off with this vision dancing in our heads.. after our 1st son.. I couldn’t conceive.. I was distraught and this was the hardest trial of our marriage.. his putting up with me.. I wanted more children so badly…

Then in our 30’s… we had 5 more kids.. one after another after another.. I/we can’t imagine our lives without our dear children.. these have been the greatest years of our lives. raising them… caring for them..

I believe when one has a strong maternal instinct.. this just doesn’t go away.. it’s there for a reason.. to be satisfied.. if one doesn’t feel this. or feel children will be a burden.. please don’t have them… I wanted to GIVE.. to bless… as did my husband.. this brings us great JOY in return..

I did a post on this on another forum..(but not sure we are allowed to use links here)..

..I look upon raising Children similar to the message contained in this book “The giving Tree”..

This makes us Happy (we are the )....we are only here for a season in their lives.. .to love, nurture, and prepare them for this big bad world… so they have wings to fly on their own….and it all goes too fast!!

We will miss these yrs… wishing for them back someday… so may we hold them tight, and kiss them as we live NOW.

But too…. Remember ourselves, keep the ROMANCE alive…this we have come full circle.

One of the greatest gifts we can give our children is a happy Home where they feel the love of their parents towards each other, seeing up close & personal how they work towards every goal hand in hand, with communication ever flowing, laughter along the way…..this gives them a great sense of security…and hope for their own marriages someday.

Thank you @LadyInRedd , nicely stated, and you did say if you don’t feel this way DO NOT have them,I like that.