During this joyous holiday season, what's one rude thing you thought but didn't really consider saying?

“Stop touching my stuff!” to the lady ahead of me in the checkout line as she pawed and ooooed over my banana chocolate chip pancake mix.

Surprisingly, I don’t think I swore….. How uncharacteristic of me

Do you actually drive because you sure can’t navigate these aisles with any grain of intelligence ?
But of course I never would say that.

I want you to play with my ding a ling, my ding a ling. Edit: the taxi driver asked if I stole my credit card and I paid him with cash exact change $5.40. No tip. I could have said something nasty but I bit my tongue.

I’ve been uncharacteristically outspoken this holiday season.

Retorts spoken: many.
Fucks given: none.

Oh, I like random check-out lane conversations, @Ela. Now if she’d butted in line…!

Yes, @SQUEEKY2, for days I tried to form a “Can we require shopping cart licenses?” question here. Then I just realized it was one of many pet peeves. lol

Thanks for the edit, @RedDeerGuy1. I was starting to wonder/worry. Why would he think it was stolen?

Amazing restraint, @Seek! ~ I’ve been mostly getting by on dark looks and sighs. I’ve had such a short fuse lately I’ve been afraid to get started.

To my nephew upon seeing the pile of crap he bought for the kids. “You know, they’d be a lot better off with couple of books instead of yet another battery operated car that will be broken or have dead batteries in 30 minutes. And you might even be able to pay the electric bill.” But I said nothing.

@ibstubro I too enjoy check-lane conversations. “Oooo… That looks delicious! I’m coming to eat at your house!” “Hey! Does your wife know you’re buying that?” “You know you’re not supposed to be eating that much bacon!”

“Fuck you and fuck your baby jesus.”

@ragingloli – you could be snarky and say…. “your maybe Jesus” ... and noone would be insulted.

@ibstubro @LuckyGuy Generally I don’t mind and am the one chatting peeps up but this lady had already pinged a few pet peeves.
-She created the ‘not-paying-attention-gap’ that keeps the line from moving forward a few times.
-Her granddaughter was running around (and had very messy hair – which I dislike little girls to have).
-She repeatedly mumbled. She’d tip the mix, mumble to herself, tumble to her granddaughter“do you think blah, blah would like this?”, ask me about it, then repeat the touch/mumble/ask senerio. About the fourth time I’d just smile at her. Didn’t matter if I answered, she just kept it up. Constantly touching the mix….

Have I mentioned I HATE people (I don’t know or like) touching me or my stuff?

@elbanditoroso I haven’t heard “snarky” in a long time! Thx for the giggle

I had to make a second trip to Walmart this morning (when none were planned) and as I was pulling out a very chunky young woman walking in front of my car and then proceeded to hustle right up the middle of the driving lane. I didn’t yell out the window, “Yo, could you waddle to one side or the other so traffic can pass??”

@Ela This messy haired girl is for you!. This is my granddaughter when she was 2 (she’s 4 now.) That day Chris brought her over. She was a mess and her coat was too big and I said, “My gosh, son! Did you go shopping at the orphanage today? She looks like a homeless child!”
He said, “Well, we had chocolate donuts before we came,” like that was the only problem!
She was beautiful anyway.

^ Yeah, Ian pretty much looks like that all the time.
“I JUST brushed your hair FIVE SECONDS AGO, how do you still look like a ragamuffin?”

OK, one thing that I wanted to say to day but didn’t was “YOU ASSHOLE!” to this, like, 80 year old asshole in Walmart. I was waiting for a self-checking to open up. There were two old men in front of me. One was short, the other was tall. They were both…slow. They were talking to each other. A thing came open that neither noticed for a moment. Then the short guy pointed it out to the tall guy. They both moved that way.
Just then two more thingys came open and I started to walk towards one of them. Suddenly the short guy shoved me, LITERALLY SHOVED me out of the way and said, ‘I was ahead of you!”
I just looked at him in astonishment and said, “No problem. I’ll just go to this one over here.”
I couldn’t believe it.

@Ela Little girls, specifically? Not kids in general?

You’ll all be pleased to hear I did not threaten to remove what it is left of my mother in law’s brain with a crochet hook if she didn’t shut the hell up with her “helpful suggestions”.

@Seek I dunno… it kinda seems like she deserves it! Good for you for being the bigger person, though.

I have to say I didn’t experience any assholeish behavior this season. Not sure why. Maybe because I do a lot of shopping in CT where people are generally better behaved (which is why I go in that direction when I need to shop and not in the NY direction).

One thing that always irks me is when people speed around parking lots. There are little kids around, being walked to the store by their parents, and some jerk will speed through because he or she feels a need to get to the next place.

OH MY GOD WOMAN STOP TRYING TO THROW MY SHIT AWAY.

Can you not just build a dungeon in your cellar, where you can lock her up?

If only I had a cellar…

Can you believe I made 3 trips to Walmart Christmas Eve day? The first 2 for a cake I thought was failed, and a 3rd for ingredients to replace it the next day.

I was headed for the self checkout when this man worms out of the crowd into my path and races me to the line. O-kaaay. Literally a few minutes later looks behind me, then at me, and points “She’s with me.” I don’t say, “Uh, no. Either you’re with her, or she’s behind me” because she’s in a motorized cart. I still don’t know why they couldn’t get in a checkout line. I had 2 items and they had 2 carts full.

I get stabby thoughts in my head when people who absolutely should never under any circumstances use the self checkout cut in front of me to do so.

Even worse, the Express Lane. When the woman with 47 items in her cart cuts you and your 6 items off, then proceeds to use coupons and write a check, “Yeah. You were in a hurry.”

I can self-check myself faster than any clerk in my Walmart. I’m not looking for a “shopping experience”. Every now and then, if I’m bored, when they ask, “Did you find everything today?” “Since you ask, no. Apparently you no longer carry the brand of salad dressing I prefer, the lettuce looked like crap, and as long as I have to go to Aldi for lettuce, the cottage cheese is a lot cheaper there.”

hey tnx @Dutchess_III her hair isn’t that bad actually. at least you can see her eyes! ; )

@DrasticDreamer as a cosmetologist, I have a thing for messy hair. if it’s long n messy, I generally don’t like it : /

“Stop it ya lil fucktard” to my cat as he clawed at my recliner

no, wait. . . . . never mind. . . . . I said that out loud

“I’m on cruise you stupid SOB!” To the guy that waits until you get even with his blind spot in the passing lane, then speeds up when you try to go around him. I even had a guy follow me to a new interstate last week and pull up beside me and pace, like we were drag racing. I was on cruise the entire time but for when I had to pass him in order to exit to the new highway.
I would have said it, if I could have.

“Seriously, we’re at a family Christmas event! Put your second dick in the car instead of walking around with it on your hip!”

@ibstubro Some people….I was on cruise at 67. Gal gets up behind me and ignores every chance to pass. Just sits there. I punched it, got up to 80, then settled back in to 67. She punches it, catches up to me, and settles in behind me again. I must have done it 5 times. She didn’t get the hint.

@Dutchess_III
Maybe she was slipstreaming to save petrol.

I’ve had that happen a lot, too, @Dutchess_III. I like to be the ‘lone wolf’ on the highway. Sometimes if you drop the cruise and slow down, they’ll eventually be forced to pass. Then they can go suck someone else’s wind, @ragingloli.

All I ask is that I be allowed to drive my car on cruise when I’m on the highway. It pisses me off if people follow too close, pace me in my blind, pace me when I’m on their blind spot, or refuse to meet my speed or let me pass. There is a 9 mile stretch between 2 local small towns that I am sure to encounter someone challenging me driving on cruise.

Back to the Q.

Our Goodwill built a new store where two carts meeting have about ½” to spare between them. There seems to be a whole class of people that think they can park their cart on one side of the aisle while they stand and shop the other side.
“No, really. Absolutely feel free to stand there and block the entire effing aisle for as long as you’d like to. The rest of the customers can just wait.”