Have you discussed with your family/spouse your end of life wishes?

I told my family that if I lose my guardianship that I will be allowed to drink pop and to have a chocolate bar every so often. My organs are not to be donated and I am allowed to have a girlfriend (as long as she isn’t a bitch). I am not to be cremated and I would be given all opportunities to recover.

Yes, I told them I hope to carve out an hourglass frame, have some artisan from San Fran blow lead crystal glass for it. Inside would be a blade that has pertinent scripture from Genesis to Revelations, that my ashes be put in there, then people can flip me over and as I run from the top to the bottom my ashes will direct them to the scripture; I can work for the Kingdom long after I shed this corrupt tent of flesh.

Yes. There’ll be no funeral, memorial service, or obituary. I don’t really care whether my dead body gets cremated or buried somewhere, as long as there’s no graveside ritual. I want to leave this world as quietly and uneventfully as possible.

I have an advance care directive and health care proxy appointed. They know my general wishes that I not suffer and that no “heroic measures” be taken to save me if I am terminally ill. Since funerals/memorial services are for the living not the dead, I would leave that up to them. But I am planning to live and be healthy mentally and physically forever.

Yes.

Neither of us want a traditional funeral. He wants to be cremated. I want to be donated to whatever medical education or research facility wants me. Such places do what they need to do, then cremate what’s left and return the cremains to the family at no cost.

Then, for both of us, a celebration of life party to say good riddance.

I left out the dementia thing:

Hubby has already refused to put me down if I ever go that crazy. I guess he’ll just have to put up with it. I’d do the same.

Dementia, well, wouldn’t my answers on Fluther be fun then?
I don’t want to be kept alive on support machines if I will never leave my bed. I want all of me donated to anyone who needs those pieces.

I’ve been thinking lately that I need to formalize this.

Like @Love_my_doggie I want no funeral or memorial service. I’m not sure you can avoid an obit, and, honestly, I’m okay with that.
Take what they can use, cremate the rest.
DNR

Really, what can you do about dementia or Alzheimer’s? I don’t picture a time when you can request to be put down. I wouldn’t expect someone to try to end my life against the law.

Secretly, I have this hope that the majority of Alzheimer’s sufferers are living busy lives within their own minds. Running long grown or gone kids to kindergarten, writing knock-out presentations at the office and sharing quiet nights in bed with loved ones. In any case, it seems to be a low/no stress way of living given their longevity. If Alzheimer’s is like “What Dreams May Come”, then cash me out, set me up with a trust fund, and let’s get started.

Doubt many here will have a problem with alzheimer’s

Due to having a sister with frontal lobe dementia, you, yourself, see it coming on. The slow death. It’s not a one-night thing. Worst- that you know it’s fucked up and going to get worse, as lucidity fades. The person you grew up with is gone. In their place, instead of the girl who ran The Ohio Village and also workd in their Ohio Historical Society’s Library of
Genealogy, before computers. Who then went and got a double Masters in Library Science and History Archives, which caused her to be shopped and hired to work on the A.Lincoln Papers in IL., then back home to become the Ohio Dept. of Health’s Archivist. Now? Now she can’t remember the date. Calls all hours to check on it. Cannot take care of herself other than the repeated lifelong simple habits. Wears two left or two right shoes as a pair. Etc.Etc.Etc. Oh- and the banshee shows up to scream, shout, yell, kick, hit, throw, push, etcetcetc. Or is sneaky- did you take those pills? Is that a clean shirt? Did you eat all that candy as your dinner, before dinner? How’s about the hours and hours in bed sleeping, and if left, she goes right back for 14 more hours.
Care to join us? No. But, hell’s bells, I couldn’t end her life either!
(Besides there’s the point that she’d try to kill me, also!)

Oh- and that promise to kill you if bad off, joking or not- they won’t, and it’s not fair to ask them. And yes, they’ll get prosecuted by someone looking to make their own political chops who doesn’t get it, want to get it, nor care.
If it’s a murder-suicide? Make damn sure your aim is true.

But you can have Power of Medical Attny. (legal doc) Do Not put any 2 people’s names down. Pick One. Choose the one who doesn’t have a problem with money. As in : miserly.

I cared for Me ‘Mither for the last six months of her life. She had breast cancer which went to the spine. I watched my best friend die.
While in the hospital the very last week, my brother and his wife came in so that I could go down to get something to eat without hurrying to get back. They didn’t visit but once or twice that week. I should’ve known better, but I was so damned tired. My brother had mentioned before how much $ it was costing in the hospital, that after four days, she should go to a home! I don’t recall my exact wording…it did contain about her money, she that she worked hard and earned, and that the hospital said she would not last through the travel changes. (She lived on her own, did everything and sharper than any other brilliant person I have had the pleasure of knowing. Until she did not feel well on her 91st B-day…)
I found out that while eating that scrumptious hospital fare, my sibling had my Mom’s oxygen levels cut back two points. The nurse happened to mention it when I returned. After the magnitude 2 billion on the Richter scale fit I had, no-one touched anything. Ever. Said the POMA designate. Choose only one and make the most-excellent nurses (seriously- most are) understand just whom it is who has the ‘power’ to do what.
I’ve never forgiven my sibling that deliberate horrid ‘faux pas’. I Never will.
I had figured I would have to chase out the Dr.‘s on their rounds with their assistants- clip boards in hand, and students clumsily soaking in the God-like essence. From our wordless communications via body movements alone, I knew she could hear what the walking sphincter was preaching- so they got booted out to talk only in the hallway. I won’t explain what happened when the clergy person came in to actually voice the words for Ma to ‘just let go….’. Funny, they can run pretty fast, also!
I am telling you this to get the message through: No, they won’t OFF you. Even if you beg.
And the other: Get a legal POMA to name the one who gets to scare the living hell out of any of the bountiful pool of ‘stupid’. Or you’re screwed, and in worse pain.
Also- could this person take you off the machines if it all comes to that? If it will fuck it up for them, mentally and physically, later, you should then look elsewhere.
Sorry for length.

My only plans are to take a long vacation. I’ll say my goodbyes, take plenty of provisions and hit the trails, hopefully.

So long as the family doesn’t report me missing, and I am not found [dead], they have my retirement income coming in.

That is my wish.

My wife and I both have a living wills. If I get Alzheimer’s (or incapacitated/no brain activity) to the point where I can’t feed myself that I’ll get no water, food, ventilators or IV’s until I die.

A medical doctor friend of mine told me that hospitals don’t tend to honor such living wills once life support has started. Crazy, especially since I’ll essentially already be dead. HA! Anyway for what it’s worth, our local hospital has my living will in my medical records.

Sorry for macabre addition…
Please stipulate for document- air regulation. Liquids only (IV). Nourishment to be continued? Intibation-yes or no. Any Heroic Measures allowed? Who makes artificial machines shut off, etc. after how long? Where is your shell, body, casing, old physical ball and chain persona, etc., where does it go?
Gloomy and sad, but important stuff.
Go get a comic book and some Bazooka bubble gum when finished writing it all down. You’ll feel instantly better!

I’m joining a cremation society. They are much less expensive than mortuary services. When I die, instead of the funeral home making the arrangements, the cremation society will help my family find the most dignified, but cost effective way to have a funeral and bury me. After helping out family members and hearing personal stories from people, I don’t want my family to make any arrangements with funeral homes.

While they are not at all evil, they are in the business for profit. And they frequently take advantage of grief, shock, and the need for quickly making many permanent decisions. They want you to buy the caskets and urns they supply on site. They may just allow you to believe that there are no other options, or they may even explicitly state that you’re not allowed to get a casket or urn at another location. Their in-house containers are grossly overpriced. They also try to get people to purchase many unnecessary upgrades. If they hesitate, they hint around that if you really loved the deceased, money wouldn’t matter. If you’re thinking about saving money at this moment, you must not care too much about your loved one. Burial can end up costing tens of thousands more than it needs to.

The cremation society has your family’s best interests in mind. Before you die or even get sick, you can pick out the best things needed at the lowest cost. If you didn’t pick it out yourself, the society will help your family make the best arrangements and still be affordable. My grandmother had this service and her funeral was a fraction of the cost it would have been if the mortuaries got involved. I also don’t think any of the guests at her memorial had any idea that costs were cut. Everything was the same, just bought from manufacturers or wholesale instead of from the funeral home.

My family isn’t rich. My death itself will have great financial impact even though I’m a stay at home mom right now. I don’t want most of the available money wasted on the funeral. I want them to keep as much as possible.

@gondwanalon Physicians and hospitals get very little insurance payment for letting someone die peacefully, comfortably, and without intervention. “Letting nature take its course” isn’t a billable code for insurance reimbursements. If they move a patient to the ICU and take extraordinary measures, however, the payouts are large. It’s a cruel and deeply flawed system.

@Love_my_doggie but there is low and growing movement toward slow medicine and dying with dignity.

@janbb Yes, the movement is growing slowly, but people are certainly becoming more aware.

So many Baby Boomers have watched their parents die miserably, connected to feeding tubes, respirators, and other devices. The Boomers really want something different for themselves.

This article reminded me of this question.
It is apropos-

Why doctors choose to die differently http://www.cnn.com/2016/02/17/opinions/doctors-choose-quality-of-life-over-length-corley/index.html

Doctors are LESS likely to die in hospital than general public
http://dailym.ai/21bSTDk
via http://dailym.ai/ios

Sad, eh?

Why is it sad @msh? Doctors have a different perspective on death. From this it seems that they think that it is futile to prolong life to a point where the quality of life is nil and never will improve. So they chose not to take the medical intervention which will do that. This is what I think and what I asked the question about.

I apologize for not getting back to you quickly, as I AM and HAVE BEEN caring for a person with Frontal Lobe Dementia, and I’ve been a little busy of late.
So if you need any tips, just let me know. I’ve got oodles.
Now. Let’s see. What have I done here? Give me a moment while I scan here.
Ah, yes. I’d say I was following up on something that others had said in their responses.
How to legally ensure your wishes, as they do not often hold around doctor’s and hospitals. Check, check, aaaand yes, check.
I’m sorry that “we” got off-topic.
However, these articles point out how the very individuals who take people’s choices or wishes away by ignoring or overruling decisions made by the terminally ill themselves. Ironically, they do not have to adhere to the same policies as they have insisted upon others. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
Just for other’s interest.
I think that pretty much does it…..scanning…..
Uh, that’s it.
Nothing more, nothing less, unless I have garnered another dressing down.
You’ll have to excuse me, its been a little exhausting the last seven years of life.
So, if so, just leave me a PM or something, I get hassled when I am ‘on the phone’, But I can work while others sleep, when they sleep. There’s no patterns anymore.
Just remember, there is Murphy’s Law. There is also Smith’s Law: that Murphy was an optimist.
Thanks.