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aeterna's avatar

Why do i enjoy being used and abused?

Asked by aeterna (66 points ) July 24th, 2008

in my last relationship, my boyfriend would get angry at me and sometimes get physical but i was never scared or anything, i liked it. and now, i’m practically in love with this boy who’s taken but we talk on the phone and flirt and hook up sometimes but he’s inconcistent with how much attention he pays to me so it’s clear that im just some toy but for some reason i dont mind. he also calls me names sometimes and says he wants to hit me and i just get excited. why is this? whats wrong with me?

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21 Answers

TheHaight's avatar

For some people, (particular women) they are drawn to those type of men because that might be all they ever know. The way they were brought up could also be a key factor. My friend was abandoned by her father, and has since then been drawn to men that abuse her and abandon her.. Countless times. You don’t deserve any of this abuse, nobody does..

augustlan's avatar

This is not good, sweetie. You need to see a therapist, before you love someone that loves you to death.

Allie's avatar

Umm.. it sounds like you are thoroughly confused as to what a healthy relationship is. =\

augustlan's avatar

It’s not abnormal for you to feel that way in certain situations, but can turn out to be very, very dangerous. Fatal, even…so get to the bottom of it, ok?

tinyfaery's avatar

We seek relationships that convince us we are correct in the ideas we have about ourselves. And we tend to enter into patterns in relationships that are familiar to us. You are a ripe victim for domestic abuse. Please seek counseling before you get into a situation that you cannot control.

PupnTaco's avatar

Therapy.

ninjaxmarc's avatar

you don’t deserve any abuse physical or verbally.

This is very unhealthy.

Don’t date jerks, you deserve better.

syz's avatar

You need to seek out counseling and find out why you’re on this self destructive course.

chaosrob's avatar

Do the counseling! On the up side, if you do the work and get better, you could build an incredibly satisfying long-term relationship with someone stable, and start really thinking about how you want to make your future. Good luck!

Knotmyday's avatar

To reiterate: Please see a qualified therapist.

marinelife's avatar

Let me add my plea that you see a professional as soon as possible to get to the bottom of your issues. It seems from your question that you are aware that you have a problem. Being hurt physically is never OK. There is so much more to life than this. You could have a career, you could make art.

We often seek what we know hoping for a different outcome, but issues like these are not something you can figure out yourself or from a book.

Please take care of you the way you would take care of someone you love. You are worth it.

loser's avatar

Maybe you’re the M in S&M?

syz's avatar

S&M is something completely different. What this person is describing is self destructive.

Response moderated
tinyfaery's avatar

@needle Very inappropriate.

TheHaight's avatar

@needle; wtf is wrong with you? (and I never use the abbreviation “wtf”...) MAYBE you need to be a little more considerate!

loser's avatar

@syz & aeterna: my apologies. I can only reiterate the therapy suggestion.

Holden223's avatar

There is nothing wrong with you per say. There is something wrong with the fact that you think something is wrong with you.

We tend to spend our entire lives actualizing some idealized future version of ourselves.

If this future perception is altered for some reason ( such as verbal/emotional./physical abuse as a child from parents or peers) than the relationships and experiences that you seek or happen to find will be those that validate and actualized this “future self”.

Or… you could just be a person that finds pleasure in pain (nothing wring with that I say because if you find pleasure in it you rob it of it’s definition and make it your own)

The catch here is that finding an emotionally mature partner, who can safely walk the boundaries between playful sadist activities and immature cruelty, to stimulate your masochist inclinations….

I’d talk to a therapist or the like to get the bottom of your deficit focused sense of self, and talk yourself via introspective deductions and logical rationalizations to the point where you are asking ” what’s wrong with the vast number of d-bags who don’t know how to treat another person properly?” or perhaps you are to busy teaching people how to treat each other that you don’t even Fluther anymore (sad and ironic)

After therapy you can mourn the decline of society and your fellow man via other forms of escapism that you control- such as three too many glasses of good wine, or maybe a trip to Cali to smoke some medical grade weed to help you “see better”... ( not that I know from firsthand experience or anything- but I’ve read tweets about such things)

Viva Bohemia!

Excalibur's avatar

You need to learn about self-respect and how to maintain it in a relationship. At the moment, it sounds as if you are on a slippery slope to no where. Perhaps a counsellor may be able to help you with your relationships and when to say ‘That’s not okay with me’.

seawulf's avatar

whatever, ur submissive and need it. obviously. enjoy it but set clear limits like no permanent damage….ok that’s my limit but u can add more if u want lol.

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