General Question
Why do other women give me dirty looks and treat me with disdain?
I’m a woman in my late twenties who lives in image-conscious New York. I’m very tall, like to wear modest yet stylish dresses, and I am fairly attractive but wouldn’t call myself a knockout. In fact, my hips and butt are a little too thick by typical eurocentric beauty standards.
In some places, I’d venture to say that I’m considered “beautiful” but in NYC, where gorgeous people are a dime a dozen and you can’t throw a rock without hitting a catwalk model or some 1%-er’s willowy trophy wife, I’d say I’m more on the cute or pretty side but not really gorgeous.
Anyway, ever since I was about 10–12, it’s really bummed me out that other girls and women often seem to treat me with some type of malice. Whether is giving me dirty looks, excluding me from things, or even spreading rumors, I’ve often found myself being a victim of “mean girls”. It’s really tough because I’m a sensitive person with some social anxiety issues so it can be hard for me to absorb things like that without taking it personally.
It has gotten better since I’ve gotten older, but I still notice it more often that I’d like to admit. Just last night, my boyfriend took me to some schmoozy wine-tasting in TriBeCa. I wanted to look nice so I slipped into a black blazer, a nice pair of jeans and some understated Jimmy Choo heels I rarely get the chance to wear. I felt confident and was appropriately dressed for the venue and event.
Within an hour of getting there, I remembered why I often opt-out of going to things like this, even though they can be great networking opportunities. I was getting dirty looks from women the entire time which of course, made me extremely self-conscious and kind of put a damper on my fun.
Now, I’m not one of those girls who suffers from “resting bitch face” and even though I’m shy, I am friendly and will talk to people. I try to be aware of my body language because I know that tall women are intimidating and I don’t want to be offputting when I’m 6’4 in my heels!
This one woman, in particular, was hanging out near us the entire night. She was probably about ten years older and wore one of those faces that just screams “I’m an unhappy person with severe issues.” Anyway, as the night went on, and the wine continued to flow, she became increasingly huffy and the hostile looks increased.
This continued until the end of the night, when as her date was escorting her out, she turned herself around, pointed right at me and mouthed the words “fucking bitch”. I hadn’t spoken a word to her the entire night. My boyfriend noticed what she did too and was even more disgusted and offended than I was.
This isn’t the first time stuff like this has happened to me and frankly, it’s making me weary. I wonder sometimes if there’s something wrong with me that makes me unlikeable to other women. I try to rise above the urge to be a mean girl myself and consider myself to be usually “team woman” on most issues.
It also really sucks because as a feminist, I try to bring awareness to and defend the rights of all women (even the ones who hate me). I believe that women should support each other in a society that too often denigrates and tears us down.
Why do women act like this to me? Am I doing something wrong?
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