(NSFW) What should I do after this incident?

Oh boy…

I’m really sorry and this won’t be an easy situation to deal with. :-/ Honestly, as much as it sucks and as hard as it will be, I honestly think that you should tell your boyfriend if you think that A) he’ll be as supportive for you as he should be and as much as you need him to be and B) you’re sure he won’t fly off the handle and do something extreme, like attack your best friend. Whether or not it happened while he was drunk/high doesn’t matter and shouldn’t be considered. The fact of the matter is you kept saying no and he continued to grope you while you were both right next to your boyfriend. Even while drunk, that shows a level of “bravery” that’s pretty concerning.

Also, drunk or not, it seems as if he intentionally waited until you passed out, which shows some level of calculation. Your boyfriend should know in case something happens again, and I think it’s something that really should be addressed by you. I think asking your best friend if he remembers what happened is absolutely mandatory. Regardless of a “yes” or “no” answer from him, you need to explain it and make it absolutely clear that what happened wasn’t okay and that it will never happen again. If you wish to continue the friendship, I also think it’s mandatory that you set boundaries from here on out, like no sleeping in the same bed. He needs to respect your physical space – whether or not he does or doesn’t remember, since what happened happened. There’s no going back now. And even if he genuinely doesn’t remember it, he still seems like a risk when he’s drunk. And it’s not a risk I’d be willing to take if I were you.

I’m not saying he’s horrible, and I’m not saying you should hate him, but I really do think it’s very important that you make it extremely clear where you stand on the matter. You can do that, if you choose to, without ending the friendship. You can also, if you want to, leave your boyfriend out of it since it happened to you and you alone. However, that might be something that he’d really want to know about, since it’s also his best friend. An additional perspective could be valuable. But if he blows it off and acts like nothing about it matters, that’ll also be a red flag about your boyfriend.

I’m skeptical to tell Joe because while I don’t think he would act like it doesn’t matter, and he won’t be mad at me, I think he might hurt G. They’re living together right now, and I don’t want G to end up homeless. I think Joe would kick him out if I said anything.
I didn’t have the opportunity to talk to G about it much, but when Joe left the room today he did say something about thinking he “finger banged” me (which is a really gross way of putting it) and I did tell him that it isn’t okay for him to ever touch me again. The worrisome part is that he doesn’t seem to think that he did anything wrong.

You were assaulted. You don’t owe this guy anything. You need to tell everyone you trust and make sure this guy does not have a chance to do this again, to you or to someone else. If you don’t want to go to the police, please talk to a counselor. None of this is ok. You should never have to be around this guy again, never ever.

@AshLeigh I know you consider him a friend – a best friend – and I’m extremely sorry. But the fact that he’s so blase about it all is a huge, huge red flag. You say that he brought it up, on his own, which clearly indicates that he did remember. And like I said before, the fact that he waited until after you passed out, the fact that you think he doesn’t think he did anything wrong… all are really, really big warning signs.

If you keep this to yourself, given the current dynamic with all of you, it could end up eating at you. Regardless of how you handle it, I second what @tinyfaery said: at least talk to a counselor. If you can’t afford it on your own, many, many doctor’s offices can refer you for free.

When you told him that it isn’t okay for him to touch you ever again, what did you do/say?

He said that he agreed, and he left the room.

Sorry, I meant “what did he say”, not “what did you say.”

I’m so sorry you went through this. You must be very conflicted. However, @tinyfaery is absolutely right. He sexually assaulted you. You made it clear you wanted him to stop and he didn’t. You have to tell your boyfriend and I also strongly think talking to a counsellor would be a good idea. You need someone to talk to who can help you sort out your conflicted feelings right now. Whether you go to the police is up to you, but don’t feel you have any reason to protect this man. You owe him absolutely nothing. If your boyfriend gets angry with this man, fair enough! Of course you don’t want your boyfriend to attack him and end up in trouble, but do you really feel you can trust this person again? Do you want to be around someone who thinks it’s okay to sexually assault you? That he can’t see that he did something really wrong would worry me very much. Don’t allow yourself to be alone with this man again. Not even in a position where your boyfriend is there when he’s drunk.

Not only did he abuse you, which is unforgivable whichever way you look at it, but he abused yours & your boyfriend’s trust & friendship.
He remembered the incident, even referring to it in his own gross little way, not only does this suggest that he enjoyed & is revelling in his actions, but it clearly indicates that his intoxication played little part in his sordidity. Him being drunk is a smokescreen, an irrelevance, one which you must ignore completely as you come to the only decision available to you, tell your boyfriend & bin the degenerate immediately.

You wrote “It didn’t go further than that as far as I know, but I DON’T REALLY REMEMBER when he stopped”

So, basically you don’t know. It could have gone further than the “finger banging” to which he blithely admits.

And you don’t think “it’s worth it to tell Joe” ?

Well, what I’m about to say won’t win me any popularity contests, but here goes,,,

Guys carrying a torch for and making a pass at their best friends so/wife is as old as time (I mean it’s in the 10 commandments, for crying out loud) so that’s not all that unusual.

Normally, when the woman spurns the advance, the guy apologizes profusely, realizes he’s being an ass and that’s the end of it.

HOWEVER, that’s not what happened here. How drunk he was is irrelevant because alcohol merely serves to act as a disinhibitor for anything that rightfully should be inhibited.

It doesn’t miraculously change someones basic personality or ethics. It just reveals what’s been under the surface all along.

But the fact that in the cold sober light of the next day, he basically acts as if he did nothing all that wrong, is deeply disturbing (and should be to you as well) since you csn’t even remember if it went further than what he’s willing to admit to.

I know that he’s your and Joe’s best friend and it’s difficult for you to recognize this for the betrayal that it actually is, but it’s clear that he does not respect either you or Joe and doesn’t respect normal boundaries.

Do you really think that just telling Joe that you and he should not be around G when youre all drinking that much is really any kind of solution ?

The bottom line is that you shouldn’t trust this guy drunk or sober. I mean, he’s sober now and apparently doesn’t feel like what he did was that big a deal.

THAT IS THE DISTURBING PART. If this guy does end up homeless because Joe recognizes his betrayal for what it really is in the cold sober light of day, than it’s his own damn fault. It’s certainly not yours.

Let me just ask a few questions for you to ponder. If this guy later (possibly when drunk) shoots off his mouth about what happened last night to either Joe or someone else (and it gets back to Joe) are you prepared to deal with Joe’s subsequent lack of trust in you as well as this jerk? How would he feel if he had to hear about it secondhand?

And just a little more food for thought. I don’t know whether Joe is Mr. Right for you or Mr. Right now. But let’s suppose you two eventually marry and have kids. It’s now 16 or 17 years later. Could you ever trust this guy with, no healthy respect for boundaries, to be unsupervised around your teenage daughter(s)?

Think about that carefully. I’m not saying he’s a child molester but he definitely does not respect anyone’s healthy boundaries. And a teen girl who, practically speaking, looks older is easy for people with no boundaries to rationalize.

I would second the suggestion to talk this over with a trained professional and seriously rethink your decision to keep Joe in the dark about this.

Personally, if I discovered that a friend of mine was this casual about a betrayal of my trust (when sober) I would seriously wonder wonder if that’s the kind of friend I should be trusting this much in the future.

Rape is not about sex; it’s about exerting power. The fact that this guy persisted beyond being clearly told NO, and has no chagrin about it the next day is a pretty clear indicator that he neither respects you or Joe. If he did respect you, he would be mortified by his behavior and begging for forgiveness.

But he’s basically blasé about it. With friends like that, who needs enemies?

I know that in this day and age of “anything goes sex” many would think to just sweep it under the rug and forget about it, but some things cannot be overlooked. This guy has a seriously deep character flaw that apparently allows him to disrespect his friends boundaries with impunity and no shame. Had he been deeply apologetic the next morning I wouldn’t be writing what I am now. But that’s not what happened here, is it?

Please find someone to talk this through with so you can process this with clarity.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. The betrayal of a friend is never easy to deal with.

EDIT:

@ucme

Since I was still typing, I just read your response. What you wrote is so right on I wish I could give you a hundred GAs or more.

I’m sorry you are going through this.
Understand I’m a guy and wasn’t there so my opinion and advice does not count. Ignore everything I say.

1) The instant someone touches after you have clearly said “No,” they gave you the right to pound the palm of your hand up into his nose or kick him in the balls or bite anywhere you can reach. Whispering “No” is not enough. You grab a handful of balls and squeeze like there is no tomorrow. That sends the message.
2) You learn that “taking a few more shots” after being “pretty intoxicated ” is not a safe and respectful way to treat your body. You’ve been there. Done that . Bought the T-shirt. Don’t do it again.
3) After the age of 15 you cannot sleep in the same bed with a hormone charged male with both eyes closed. If they are normal they will ave multiple nocturnal erections and will be thinking with the wrong head. They are not to be trusted.
4) Never whisper “No.” Yell it! If you need to whisper something, you may say: “If you touch me again you’d better not fall asleep because you are going to wake up with your balls in your mouth.”

At this point you need to tell others including your boyfriend, so they know.he is not to be trusted – drunk or sober. Do it soon!

He is not your best friend anymore.

I would tell the boyfriend, any other mutual friends you have, and seriously consider renting a billboard near his local bar.

Tell everyone you feel comfortable telling, preferably including a professional, and definitely Joe! The incident would have been cause enough, but G’s reaction of this morning cements it.

I’m so sorry this happened.

IMHO he deserves to know all that happened because if he finds out about this from G or someone else, I imagine he will be none too pleased.

When I first read your account, I was in the “Talk-to-G-before-you-talk-to-Joe” camp. But when I read about the “finger bang” comment, which to me indicates a really disrespectful attitude toward you. The fact that G has been your friend (and Joe’s), IMHO, should not mitigate the severity of the incident, although it may be taken into consideration when considering the consequences.

I think it bears mentioning that if I ever had to give news like this to my husband, the guy would be thanking his lucky stars to only end up homeless, as opposed to a mangled lump of bloody pig fodder.

When you and G spoke about the incident the next day, the reasonable and respectable response would have been for him to apologize profusely, beg your forgiveness, and promise it would never happen again. His response was callous, ignorant and disrespectful. Unless they are family you do not need people like that anywhere in your life.
He unfairly placed a wedge between you and Joe. You need to close that gap. Tell.

Be thinking about what you would like to happen. An apology? A court case? A promise from G to never let it happen again?

(While you’re at it make a promise to respect your body and avoid drinking like that again.)

You’ve got great advice and support here.

One thing that hasn’t been stressed enough, I think – or maybe at all; I didn’t read all of the responses very closely – is that for your own well-being you need to reevaluate your attitude towards who you evaluate to be a friend, and the criteria of friendship.

Think about this for a moment: If G had been a relative stranger to you (an acquaintance, let’s say, not a perfect stranger) and took these kinds of liberties with you after you said “No”, what would you have done about that? And yet, you think the guy who did this to you – and spoke of it using those words, and with no contrition, the next day? – is a friend?

This guy is no friend to you. It’s doubtful whether he’s a very good friend to your boyfriend.

He’s a sneak and a snake. Whether you make this a criminal case or not – which I would tend to advise against, given these circumstances, which would not play well in court, obviously – you should talk to Joe. In fact, I would advise you to be a little bit manipulative (which I don’t normally advise), but in this way: Talk to Joe dispassionately. Don’t cry to him, don’t demand that he “do something”, and don’t take any of the blame for the actions that G took, or for not raising a hue and cry as the thing happened the first time. Just “tell”.

Then see what Joe does without any prompting. If he doesn’t get rid of G from his home and from your lives, then you’ll have some thinking to do about his own value as a boyfriend, too.

Before you decide if you want to ever see or hang out with this person again, you need to confront him when he is sober, and the two of you are in a public place. (Try asking him to meet you for coffee.)

Tell him that you are really disturbed by what happened. That he tried to touch you sexually. That you said no, but he persisted. That your boyfriend (and his best friend) was right next to you on the bed.

Then stop and see what he says. If he is genuinely contrite and says that it will never happen again, perhaps you can give him another chance, but I would not ever get drunk with him again.

If he laughs it off or tries to minimize it, that is a real danger signal, and you should avoid this guy like the plague.

I agree with @marinelife life. I am, in no way, condoning this jerks behavior, but…the real “test” is how he responds to being confronted. A drunk young guy can do stupid things and I think that giving him a fair chance to show remorse or not, before you take things to another level ( telling your boyfriend, perhaps legal action, etc. ) is a fair way to proceed. A one time drunken blunder vs. a ” I don’t give a damn what I did ” attitude will be very telling.

@marinelife , @Coloma The OP did talk to him about it the next day. Here

“I didn’t have the opportunity to talk to G about it much, but when Joe left the room today he did say something about thinking he “finger banged” me (which is a really gross way of putting it) and I did tell him that it isn’t okay for him to ever touch me again. The worrisome part is that he doesn’t seem to think that he did anything wrong.”

@LuckyGuy Oh, oops…well then, if he doesn’t feel he did anything wrong that’s a whole different ballgame, clearly. I’m at a loss for how to proceed except the boyfriend should know and if the guy gets kicked out of their living situation for being an ass, so be it.

I haven’t read anyone else’s answers, and I’m aware that not everyone would react the way that I would, but this would be my reaction if it had happened to me: I would have to have a sober discussion with both men about this. It is one thing to say that G is my “best friend”, but he couldn’t be after assaulting me, no matter how drunk he was at the time. This event would change that, and he should be told why. Likewise, I could not keep the assault a secret from my boyfriend, and there is no reason why I should. G is responsible for his own actions, and they will have consequences. They would have consequences even if the assault were kept secret.

Since you’re you and I’m not you, and I’m a man, I want to be extra-clear that I don’t want to answer what “should” you do, except to say I think you should do what feels right and works best for you.

If it helps, what I think I would do, is try to remember how drunk/conscious G was when that happened, try to decide how I really wanted it to proceed, and given what you’ve said, I think I (if it were me, which it’s not) try to have a sober discussion with G about it, assert my boundaries and say what I want it to be like between you two going forward, see how that goes, and then re-evaluate. I know I’m just projecting and imagining and might be quite different if I weren’t a large strong man, but I think if G reacted by seeing genuinely surprised it had happened, and/or upset about what he’d done and apologetic, etc., then I could call that an accident, and just avoid getting so drunk in future etc. But I think you have the right, if you felt that way, to just treat it as as bad as intentional. And if he seems not to get completely that it was a huge violation regardless of how drunk he was, then that would be a bright red alert for me, and I would be angry and tell the BF, etc.

Okay, so we’re in agreement that the best course of action is to tell my boyfriend. The question that only occurred to me just now is…what about his girlfriend?

You can’t be responsible for the whole world. You just cannot, no matter how much you care. When – if – she ever questions the reason for the changed dynamic, which she may notice sooner or later, then it’s up to you whether or not – and how much – to tell her. At that time you may just choose to leave it at, “It’s personal, and I don’t want to get into it right now.”

Then, when she questions him and he lies about it, you still have the option to tell her, if a relationship with her is important to you.

His girlfriend is a tough question. If you don’t have a close relationship with her, she’s probably going to side with him anyway. If you do, then you should probably tell her. Either way, @CWOTUS is right – she’ll notice the dynamic changing. If she asks you, I’d recommend telling the truth. You have no reason not to, and it’s the right thing to do.

@AshLeigh Think about it this way. Would you want to know if someone knew that your boyfriend sexually assaulted someone?

@Zaku

She did talk to him about it the following morning and he was rather blase about it. Not apologetic in the least. Why do people keep skipping over that salient point ?

@AshLeigh

If his gf asks anything at all about why the changed vibe, you really cant lie to her. You do owe her the truth instead of covering for him.

But consider carefully what DD just wrote. If your bf sexually assaulted someone with no remorse, wouldn’t you want to be told?

It doesn’t really matter whether she chooses to believe you or not. She will have the info and what she chooses to do with it is up to her.

Imho, if it were me, I’d want to know.

You’re right, I would want to know. I’m not close with her in the slightest, but she is close with my boyfriend.

Ugh. You can’t ever be in the same bed as that guy again. My bet is he will always try to take the opportunity to at minimum come on to you. If you decide not to tell the details to your boyfriend, you will have to figure how you explain why all if a sudden you’re not cool with the sleeping situation.

You also run the risk of G telling your boyfriend what he did. I’ll never forget the time my boyfriend’s brother, let’s call him R, who was a restaurant manager, had a close friend if his at the restaurant with a date, and R told his friend’s date in Spanish, “meet me in the ladies bathroom.” She did, they had sex, and within a few minutes he told his friend back at the table in French, “I just had sex with her.” Both of these men used women like you have never seen in your life probably, and so the situation is extreme, but still, men can be unbelievable.

This same boyfriend of mine has a cousin who used to come on to me. I never told my boyfriend, but I also never let him get farther than standing to close and indicating to me he wants to have sex. That family was incredible.

Don’t ever get that drunk again.

If you don’t want to be touched you have to say no, and mean it, and get physically away from the person. I believe you didn’t want to be touched, when I say mean it, I mean say it in a tone that is definite, and push him off. Young men can be really stupid and keep trying and not believe you really want to stop. Forget that legally he is crossing the line to sexual assault, right now I’m just telling you how to avoid being assaulted by guys like that. I’m assuming he would not have physically restrained you to assault you, so you had the power to stop the whole thing. I’m not blaming you, I get how these things happen, he was wrong period, but I’m just giving you girl advice.

I think if I were in your situation tell your boyfriend G tried to get in your pants and your not sure everything that happened and you don’t want him sleeping over when you’re there anymore. However, I’m not saying what I would do is the best solution, that’s just probably what I would do.

His girlfriend is a toss up. Are you close friends with her? My rule on telling the girlfriend is if they are suspicious and going crazy wondering if their SO is cheating then I take them out of their misery and confirm their suspicion. If they are oblivious I usually leave it alone.

I did try to push him away. That was the first thing I did.

@AshLeigh I know. Like I said, I believer everything you said you did, but that guy is either a criminal or an idiot. Technically, he is a criminal, but what sucks is this type of thing happens too often, and the men just don’t take women seriously.

I don’t know what “push him away”. means regarding what you actually did? Did you just push his hand away. Push his whole body away? Push him out of the bed? You needed to be completely out of his reach; then and now. I’m not being critical, like I said, I get how these things happen, and what you did by saying no and pushing him away should be enough. He was dead wrong what he did. I’m just telling you, now you are more aware of how men can be. If a friend of my SO did that I would kick him in the shin and been pretty loud about telling him to get the fuck out.

When I was your age I probably would have done what you did, and I pretty much never drank. I wouldn’t even have that excuse. I just would have been young and not wanting to rock boats.

He wasn’t actually have in the bed. He was kneeling next to it, because I’ve made it very clear in the past that it’s best if Joe sleeps in the middle. This was the only way I was comfortable with all of us sleeping on the pullout.
I shoved at his shoulders, but wasn’t able to move him, so I tried to push his hand away and wasn’t strong enough. I don’t know why I didn’t just wake Joe up. I froze.

@AshLeigh I get it. Don’t feel badly. You did everything right. I understand that “froze” thing. That guy is a total asshole. He really needs to know that can wind him up in jail. Not that you need to tell him, you should do whatever you want. Confront him again, don’t confront him, whatever you want.

How are you feeling now? I’m more worried about how you are emotionally dealing with it. Can you just brush it aside? Or, are you obsessing about being violated? That to me is separate from what you should do in terms of whether to tell your bf or not.

I’m fine. I just feel like I’ve lost a friend. I don’t feel at fault, and I don’t feel affected by it, aside from the loss of a friendship that I thought could last a lifetime.

Losing a friend is one thing, and that can happen from time to time as events and circumstances force things upon us that we might wish otherwise. Life happens. It’s too bad to lose a friend, either through unilateral or mutual action, but that doesn’t hurt as badly as what has happened to you here.

What probably makes this feel so bad right now is the betrayal of one whom you had believed to be a friend. That always hurts worst. It’s like the difference between losing $100 when the money falls out of your pocket while you’re out during the day, or realizing when you get home that someone has been inside your home and taken the $100 from a place where it could not have been misplaced or forgotten. In other words, “losing” something valuable is one thing, but having it taken away from what you thought to be a safe place is something else again. It’s a much bigger violation.

Give yourself time and space to recover.

@Ashleigh I understand. It’s disheartening.

Stop worrying about anything else. Whatever happens is a consequences of HIS actions.

@Buttonstc I skipped over that part because I skipped over it visually by mistake.

Again, it’s all up to AshLeigh, her knowledge of the people, and how it works best for her. I know some women who wouldn’t be horrified by what G said, but I know more who would.

Though perhaps irrelevant, personally, if it were me, even if I were a man and if were not myself bothered by someone touching me, I’d be bothered for both my partner, and G’s partner, if G said without apology that he thought he’d “finger banged” me, well, if it were a guy, I’d have to keep myself from knocking him through the wall, and if it were a girl, I’d just be taken aback and feeling the need to reevaluate this “friend” as a human being, and feel like I needed to have a very complete with my partner, and depending on what G’s partner is like, probably with that person too. Someone who thinks drunken sexual assault is not a big deal, calls for everyone around them to be warned about him until he gets re-educated, in my book. I’d be considering whether I need to file a police report on him, or not.

I’m so sorry this happened. All of it.
You were sexually assaulted.
Please do yourself a favor. The sleeping with the friend in the same bed- whether yout boyfriend is in between or not? Do not do it. If he is in the room where all are sleeping- drunk or not… Do not do it. In fact, avoid all, if he is there.
The time has passed for getting things stopped.
If something happens again, and you are in a position of knowing exactly what is happening- if you go to press charges- you will lose. That part blows chunks. Yet, it is what happens.
You see, it happened to you once already. You don’t remember parts, lots of things could have occurred, anything- really. You were passed out.
If you have this happen with him again? All he has to say is that you allowed it all to happen before. Sad, but reality. ‘No’. ‘Stop’. Should cease such actions, but as you found out, they don’t.
You did nothing wrong.
Yet it is not seen as such in public opinion today.
Next it will go to you’re being asked Question #2— Why didn’t you move or leave? Drunk, scared, stunned- it makes no difference…to outsiders.
To those who could take punitive actions for you- their hands are already tied.
Do not keep quiet about this.
The next girl- and there be more because of this asshole, will need your help.
Get the word out through friends. It will carry far if you tell friends to pass it on- without your name attached if you wish. He needs you to keep it a ‘dirty little secret’. He depends upon it. He is a coward. Cowards bully.
You, yourself, will need to act by doing something- be it anything- so that you don’t carry this burden. Because it is another dead weight that you will carry and rehash in your mind for the rest of your life. You will subsequently end up telling every single future partner about, no matter your age. It makes you feel as though you have to explain or inform them. It doesn’t make sense to do so- but you’ll do it. So stop it right now. Do not let this grow and poison your system: esteem, anger, trust, ego, fearing how you appear when in various situations? No. Stop.
As others wrote- you must, you have to, you cannot ignore going and getting help with this by seeing a professional who deals with this subject. For as long as it takes. A one-hour appointment won’t work either. You go until you are done with this. Talk until you are done with having been sexually assulted. Take your power back. Do you want to carry a cement block around with you from now on? It will get heavier and heavier as time passes.
It is going to take awhile for society and the courts of law catch up on the subject. A Grammy winner singing about saying NO to others on a televised award show isn’t going to wipe this topic out so quickly. Wrong? Yep. Not fair? You know it. But it’s the norm.
Stay out of these situations.
No shared anything in any like situation.
Let go of who you date if he is acting badly. (There are others out there!)
If he acts like a yutz now- what is going to happen in the future? And you will hear about it in any disagreements. Ad nausium.
You matter. Take care of you. Stop this mind belief now, before it takes over and becomes you in your place.
Oh, think about self-defense training. A good shot with your elbow juuust below the breast bone chest cavity- Priceless. The sound it makes another expell quickly directly after? Empowering.
Take care.

@msh She doesn’t have to get psychological help if she feels ok. She doesn’t have to be traumatized. Women have crap like this happen every day and many of them can dismiss it as a bad moment and move forward with very little problem and just learn from it. I don’t like when people try to convince a girl/woman that she will be messed up forever because of something like this. It isn’t true for many many women.

@JLeslie Honestly, I don’t know that many women who have never been sexually assaulted in some way at some point in their lives. There aren’t enough therapists to handle half the population.

@dappled_leaves Exactly. Everything from a guy copping a feel in a school hallway to rape. All sorts of ridiculous crap we deal with, because too many men have no boundaries. Worse, some of the idiots are convinced we like it.

I’ll never forget watching Oprah where this teenage boy said he let a girl give him a blow job at a party, because she wanted to do it. Camera switched to her, and her face was full of surprise and a little sadness. That girl was peer pressured into doing it. Basically, she did it against her will. Even that I consider part of the negative sexual events that happen to girls. Everyone at the party was doing it. The guys decide the girls love doing it. The girls feel like they have to do it.

OMG.
I don’t think we best get involved in any discussion.
You gave your response.
I gave mine.
Done.

For the record, I don’t feel traumatized. I’m angry, and mildly annoyed because this has been an inconvenience to my life.

I am sure my answer would be removed if I told you what I think, so I’m just going to say forget about it. Drunks rarely behave as ladies and gentlemen.

@AshLeigh I am so very sorry this happened to you. Thanks for trusting us jellies to talk with and share your feelings. I hope you will keep us posted on follow ups regarding Joe and telling him or not about G.

Yeah… or not posting, if you prefer. Just because you opened up and asked for help during a personal emergency, don’t feel obligated in any way to maintain your life as an open book forever afterward. Be well.

@CWOTUS Definitely:) Do what’s best for you. God Bless.

I just wanted to stop back by here to thank you all for your advice and support.
I waited to tell longer than most would have advised, but I waited as long as I needed to. Joe noticed the change in me (I was kind of an asshole every time we saw G, and it was beginning to bother him) so I finally decided to tell him, and everything is being solved. He kicked G out. Everything is okay now. Thank you guys.

I’m so glad that you can now truly put this behind you and that guy is out of both of your lives forever. As I said, with friends like that, who needs enemies.

And good for Joe for kicking him out.