How do I maintain a better relationship with mom?
Asked by
kimchi (
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)
May 8th, 2016
So ironic. Posting this on Mother’s Day.
So, I am going to describe my mother in a nutshell.
She first complains a thousand times a day. It doesn’t stop. She loves, LOVES to ruin my day with her complaining—how we, as her children, never do anything, are too lazy, and suck at studying.
She loves to yell at me. I think she pours out all of her shi* on me….
If her boss yelled at her, she yells at me.
If she had a bad day, she yells at me.
This goes on everyday.
For example, I wanted to buy a gift card for my mom today after I came home. I asked her, “We should go to the store so I can buy you a gift card.” She got mad. She said, “You should’ve bought it yourself. Can’t you at least make a frickin’ card?”
She doesn’t talk to me anymore.
She loves to slam things.
Whenever she gets pissed off, when she’s in the kitchen, she slams everything. The dishwasher, plates, cabinets, etc. She loves slamming things to make her feel better.
She thinks I’m useless/doesn’t do anything.
She tells me I suck at studying. Honestly, I’m trying so, so, hard. I’m trying my best. I’m in advanced classes and it’s really hard for me, but I really am trying my best. She doesn’t realize that, and proceeds to yell at me.
I cry in my room everyday because I want a better relationship with her. In truth, I wish I had a family—a real mom & dad. But unfortunately, my life sucks and I don’t have that.
I go through major depression & stress talking, looking, or thinking about my mom. Sometimes, I cry to sleep.
I honestly don’t know how to fix this.
I feel like running away…
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13 Answers
Talk to her. Learn her life story and understand where she is coming from.
@RedDeerGuy1 Talking to her leads to argument and yelling. It escalates really bad, and I tend to really get fired up.
Total loyalty and admiration helps. I started when I was 4. Sorry maybe it’s just me and my mom.
Instead of blaming her for all the crap she is putting on you and getting depressed, how about trying to understand why she behaves that way? She may be tormented herself and may be full of stress, and she may just have chosen the wrong way to release her anger. If you think of it that way you will feel less resentful and depressed.
And instead of “firing up”, how about being nice to her? When she starts shouting at you, do not respond to her anger. You should try to chill out and talk to her in the most neutral way possible. If you fire up you will only add more heat. You say she doesn’t talk to you and conversation, so don’t talk. Instead try to help her with the housework or things like that. Keep in mind that you never react to her anger. Just show her that you respect her. Eventually she may chill out and you can have a chance to talk
Hope this helps.
At least you have a mom. When I was your age mine was in prison for shooting my father that used to get drunk at 8am and considered beating his kids and wife a sport.
It can be worse.
Move the fuck out when you are 18 and work at Burger King. Your mom being a bitch is pretty goddamn normal.
@johnpowell
sorry, hope everything goes well for you in the future.
I think “work at Burger King” means move out and take whatever job makes that possible.
Write a long letter to her expressing your feelings. She may soften up and approach you if she sees your pain in writing. The way you wrote tthis gives the impression of a sweet and sensitive soul. Let her get close to you. Speak up and say what is wrong before you become full of anger and resentment.
@kimchi
“In truth, I wish I had a family—a real mom & dad.”
Where’s your biological father?
May I ask how old you are? This situation sounds untenable for you, but your choices are limited by things like age, money location.
“For example, I wanted to buy a gift card for my mom today after I came home. I asked her, “We should go to the store so I can buy you a gift card.” She got mad. She said, “You should’ve bought it yourself?”
I found the above statement a bit odd? Why would you even ask her? Instead I think that she wanted you to initiate the gift giving yourself..not ASK HER and therefore make her feel guilty for wnating to be appreciated?
Tell her tht everytime that she “yells at you” that you will leave the room,house etc until she calms down..YOU are not HER personal emotional PUNCHING BAG!
On the other statement:
“ruin my day with her complaining—how we, as her children, never do anything, are too lazy, and suck at studying. ”
Obviously she needs assistance in managing chores, and responsibilities in the house. Lend a hand and organize , delegate , share duties.
I have had a rocky road with my mom over the years. Yes it can very hard at times. I have felt the exact same way you have. The key is to NOT GIVE UP. it can be very stressful. Ask her about her day, the small things. Would she like watch a movie on tv and you watch with her. All these things and more can lead to her opening up. Ask her to tell you about your family. If she gets mad just walk away quietly. Say nothing. And if she’s not feeling well ask her if there’s anything you can do to help. It will take time but trust me it will be worth it.
Best of luck to you. Keep us posted on how things go.
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