How can I ask my boyfriend for his other mobile number, If he wont give it to me?

Welcome to Fluther.
Unfortunately, we don’t know your boyfriend and can’t possibly know why he won’t give it to you. You would have to discuss this with him. If he doesn’t give you answers that you feel are honest, then maybe you need to move on.

Why is he still your boyfriend if he keeps his number from you? You already know the answer, you have it in your categories. Kick him to the curb and use a little more discretion in picking your next “boyfriend”.

Sounds like the flip phone doesn’t have GPS. That way you can’t track him.

Get another boyfriend .

@susen You have asked him for it a couple of times. What part of “NO” don’t you understand? IMHO it’s time to move on. This guy is not relationship material. He simply hasn’t the balls to tell you that. And as long as you stick around he’s happy.

Bad sign. I’d be very suspicious. I’m thinking cheater cheater cheater.

What does it matter if the phone is a smartphone or not?

Also, maybe there’s a reason why he won’t give you his other number. Maybe it’s a work number and he’s only allowed to use it for work, not for personal calls. Has he told you why he won’t give you the number? Have you asked him?

“possibly hiding something from me?” Good bet! But then again, he is neither lying to you, nor deceiving you on what you should expect. You have to decide on just how important that phone number is to you.

To answer your question literally, you can ask him for his number, even if he won’t give it to you. You can ask him every day, like, “What is the number to your other phone?” like that.

Yeah that’s it Dutchess. Nagging will do it every time!

Or asking a different way, somehow. So he won’t realize what she is really asking and trick him into giving it to her.

If you only have the number of the burner, you are the “other woman”.

Hope you like being a side dish.

I’d rather burn in hot oil than ask a guy for any phone number for any reason but , then, I’m old school.

@darth algar, Kind of ,When I asked him he said he asked me back that why did I need it if I don’t even call him and then the conversation just fades away and I stay in lala land or in the moon.

So the phone # is a surrogate for commitment?

@Seek @stanleybmanly@darth algar I have the number of the ugly small 20 dollar phone LOL,yup thats me, his mom even calls the burner as well, I just don’t get why a person would have such a hard time and not give the number, Take in mind this is almost 40 years old I’m 27,when he was about to buy the phone he asked me for opinions and if he should buy the smart phone or not so last year he go it and never game the number take in mind that he has had this number since 6 years back (with another shitty burner and just upgraded the mobile and added the number chip to it) and told me he has old contacts,his family,university blah blah and blah but never gave it to me, Honestly I have not asked him in a long time but I will again just to see his reaction and perhaps I will just have to go separate ways.Cause maybe I’m just side chick and I’m living in fairy tales and castles and god knows what he might be doing behind my back also I have noticed that when I start bitching or asking him about certain things he starts to touch his eyes a lot and act like he is annoyed.

” I just don’t get why a person would have such a hard time and not give the number,”
Oh my CHRIST! I’m touching my eyes! I’m acting like I’m annoyed! Why are you still talking about this? Are you hoping for one person to come on and tell you that you’re imagining things? YOU’RE THE OTHER WOMAN! You already know this! Either accept your secondary role in his life and deal with it or leave his ass!

I’m with @Seek. The flip phone sounds like a burner and you are to be kept secret from another woman. I’d bail.

@susen

I’m going to be honest – I’m having a bit of trouble sussing out what, exactly, you’re attempting to convey there.

So do you know why he won’t give you the number or not? Do you know if it’s a work number or not? This could be important, because if it is a work number he may want to keep that number strictly for work, not for personal use (which may also explain why he’s using a smartphone for that, but not the other).

And again, why does it matter if it’s a smartphone or not? Presumable you want to number to be able to call him on it, right? So why is the particular device the number’s liked to so important?

P.S. I think folks are misusing the term “burner”. If he was using a “burner” he’d have a new number every week (at least). A “burner” is just a cheap, pre-paid cell phone and number that’s only used a handful of times at most (often times only once) then thrown away because you don’t want the number to be traced.

With the “real” phone being the smart phone, he can use that to text. If he is with someone else (that being the true relationship), and he’s out with the OP, he can text the gf. Also, if it were a work phone, you’d think he’d just tell the OP “I can’t give it to you because it’s a work phone.” Really, when you think about it, even if it’s a work phone that doesn’t mean he can’t give it out. I use my work phone for my calls all the time. The job doesn’t care, whether I make one call per month or 100 calls per month or zero calls per month, they still have the same bill to pay.

@Darth_Algar – I’ve used cheap prepaid phones for over ten years. You can put more minutes on them if you like. You can get a new SIM card – and thus a new number – every month if you want to. No need to throw away the whole phone.

If this guy was smart he’d spend an extra $50 and get a burner smartphone and not let the mistress see his real phone.

If he wanted you to have his other number, he would have given it to you. Sounds suspicious. If he won’t give it to you, then you’re better off without him.

@Seek

No kidding? Yes, I’ve used a cheap pre-paid phone for years as well. That is not at all what I’m talking about.

“Burner” is a slang term. “Burners” are cheap, pre-paid cell phones, but not all cheap, pre-paid cell phones are used as “burners”. A person would use a cheap, pre-paid cell phone as a “burner” because a pre-paid device is not tied to a service contract, and thus is not linked to any information that ties the phone to any particular person.

For this reason pre-paid cell phones are utilized by dealers and other criminal types (or by folks who are having affairs, etc), specifically because they’re not tied to that person. They’re also utilized because they’re cheap, can be bought pretty much anywhere, and can be disposed of at no significant hassle or expense.

The reason why someone would throw the phone away after only a handful of uses at most is because with limited activity the risk of the number being traced is minimum. The term “burner” refers to the idea that the number is “burned” (ie: disposed of) after a limited number of uses.

Dollars to donuts this phone will be burned as soon as this woman comes to her senses and moves on with her life.

@jca @darth Algar@seek I have lost count to which is the real or not honestly, he uses both, the smart phone he likes more for audio and medical videos and whatsapp ( is Not a WORK phone at all), all I know is he has a small cheap phone and a nice smart phone and I happen to have the number of the small cheap phone,Which even his family members call to (nothing wrong with that), all am saying is that the smart phone is more used now a days it has chatting apps/message apps, which is normal for a couple to use,and it even comes in handy and we would NOT HAVE TO WASTE MONEY SENDING EACH OTHER MSM ,that’s what I find crazy, before his excuse was that he did not have mobile internet and it would be useless and know he does have mobile internet, so doesn’t it sound weird.Plus why have 2 mobiles just one is enough transfer all the contacts to the smart phone SIM card and presto but no,Am I crazy for still being with him MAYBE!!! I admit it, But am I the only here feeling that something is not RIGHT and does not make sense at all.and wants to figure it out! YES.

So… what exactly do you want from us?

Because we’ve told you a couple of times that no, this isn’t normal, and yes, it does sound shady.

And you’ve done nothing.

So… either get your head out from under the rock, or don’t. Whatever.

He is not your boyfriend. He is something but not a boyfriend. Don’t act like a fool by asking this over and over.

@susen: You’re suspicious, you don’t trust him (in my opinion, with good reason), so there’s not much basis for a relationship. I am not sure how long you were with him (I don’t remember if you mentioned it above), but I’d be done with him asap if I were you.

If he gave you the number to the smart phone he would risk you finding out about all the other chicks he’s stringing along.

How long has he been your “boyfriend”? Do you know for a fact that he is not married to (or living with) someone else ? Do you know for a fact that he isn’t dating anyone else ? Do the two of you have a mutual agreement of monogamy or are you just assuming that’s the case?

Also, when you ask him for the umber and he asks you why you need it, why do you get all tongue-tied instead of telling him that you’re sick and tired of wasting money on MSMS? You told us that. So, why not tell him that? It’s a perfectly valid and logical reason for why he should give you the number for the smartphone.

You’ve wasted at least six years with this guy. How many more years are you willing to waste before you wake up to the fact that you’re very likely not nearly as important to him as he is to you. Don’t you deserve better?

@Buttonstc: What’s “MSMS?”

@jca

If you look back a few posts you’ll notice that the OP (all in caps yet ) refers to not having to waste money on MSM , which I’m assuming is some type of instant messages or texts which incur a charge.

Perhaps she’ll clear this up since it makes little sense to me why she tells us this instead of telling him. Anyhow…

@susen

Go to Amazon.com and order a copy of “He’s Just Not That Into You” by Greg Behrendt.

This will clear everything up and be the best $10 you’ve ever spent.

YES! HE IS HIDING SOMETHING FROM YOU!

It could be anything from having a girlfriend, to a wife, to several girlfriends or a baby, or maybe he’s a drug dealer. No one would hide anything that would be good for a relationship.

You know he’s up to no good. You can beg and plead with him to tell you what’s going on, but it sounds like it’s not likely that he’s going to tell you. He doesn’t have 2 phones, one of which you don’t have the number, for any good, reasonable reason and you and all the rest of us know that.

I can’t imagine why you would want to keep asking, and asking, and asking the same questions to us, when it seems plain as day to all of us that your “boyfriend” is up to no good. We can’t say exactly what he’s up to, but he’s up to something bad, something that doesn’t benefit you.

Why on earth would you want to stay with him? Please tell us that you are not wishing upon a star that he is your knight in shining armor, or that he will eventually tell you that he was hiding the other phone number so he could keep your diamond engagement ring a secret until he could get down on one knee and present it to you.

The only thing he is hiding is something bad. He might eventually tell you if you demand it from him, but he probably won’t, even if you make a big stink. It’s easy for him to lie to you, because you are willing to accept his deceit. If I were you, I wouldn’t bother trying to find out what he is hiding, because he isn’t likely going to tell you. You may find out later, accidentally, after you’ve left him, and it ain’t gonna be pretty.

If I were you, I would tell him that I was leaving him because it’s clear that he doesn’t trust YOU. Then leave. Don’t stick around and wait for him to accuse you of all sorts of things, because he will. Then, tomorrow morning, get yourself an appointment to be tested for STDs, because he’s most likely sleeping around. That’s the biggest likelihood, although he’s probably doing other things that are not good for your well being too.

Please don’t be one of those dumb girls who tries to figure out what I mean by everything that I have just said. I’m not beating around the bush. I’m not sugar coating anything, or putting it to you in a way that needs to be deciphered. Everything I have said is completely clear. It’s awful, but it’s clear. You need to get away from this dude. HE IS HIDING SOMETHING FROM YOU!

Clearly the phone number is now an issue you consider worthy of defining your relationship. You’re asking us to speculate on whether there is justification for the behavior of either of you. But there is no accurate way for any of us to determine whether or not you’re being played for a chump. My suggestion is that you take a close look at the relationship minus the issue of the phone. How are things working otherwise? As the 2 of you move along, the truth about the phone is almost certain to become less mysterious. If you feel you can’t trust him with the secret number or that his withholding it is a gauge of his affection for you, then dump him you must. <yodaism

It sounds like it’s time to address the issue. There is a valid reason why he won’t share this other phone’s #. It could be legitimate or something shady. Until he tells you why, it will continue to chip away at your trust.

If it helps you, address it and don’t let him brush you off. Ask when there are no distractions and calmly let him explain.

If I were you, the sole reason for doing this would be to make him squirm or see how he responds. I’d still break up with him as there’s no good reason, no matter what he says, why this has been an issue all these years.

Someone who loves and cares about us doesn’t have a secret phone with a number we aren’t allowed access to. Even if he isn’t cheating, and I’d agree that’s the most likely reason, he has something to hide. People don’t usually have phones with numbers they’d prefer to keep to themselves. So, you have to ask yourself is that a relationship you really want to be in?

@Earthbound_Misfit That says it all. Someone who loves us and cares about us doesn’t have secret phones and numbers they do not share. His “private phone number” is more important to him than you are.

@susen: If you would be so kind, please update us if you’d like.

@jca updates!! well I have not seen nor spoken to my boyfriend, since this past week was so busy and I was getting some test’s at university so I have the perfect plan Next week I am traveling for a couple of months and here is where the deal breaker is going to be I will tell him that since I am leaving for vacations I want to have his other phone number so we can contact each other easily and even thru whatsapp which has not cost at all, Instead of regular messages which cost me and him money especially when I’m in another country, and by then I will get the answer I need to determine if he is worthy of ,and thereby I will decide or not depending on what he says if I leave his ass or not,
DO you guys agree with this?

I think if you’ve reached ultimatum status it’s already over, but that’s just me.

I’d just end it at this point. Like @Seek said, when you’ve reached the point of issuing ultimatums then it’s pretty much done. Ultimatums are ultimately pointless, and next to nobody responds well to them anyway.

I agree with the other two that it makes no sense you have to concoct some reason why you deserve his numbers. I am willing to bet if you come right out and break up with him, he’ll be begging you to stay. Watch…..

Actually, this is the perfect time and reason to break up with him. You will be traveling, you won’t have time to call him, it’s over.

@chyna Right its the perfect moment for him to reveal his true self,there not going to be a way out,its not an ultimatum,but more of something realistic,like when I ask him that, he is going to have give me a good answer the whole ambient is perfect for the question! There is no way out.

@susen Let us know how it works out. Good luck!

@jca nailed it: “it makes no sense you have to concoct some reason why you deserve his numbers”

@susen You’re not even in a relationship with this person. The only one who doesn’t seem to realize that is you.