If you were a fortune cookie author what would some of your phrases be?

“That sushi wasn’t fresh”.

“This one was poisoned to kill all you infidels. ALLAHU AKBAR!”

“For a moment of happiness, eat the cookie.”

Eggdrop or dishwater, does it really matter?

Ubiquitous brown sauce, why be specific?

You are reading your fortune and about to eat a prepackagedshitmuckledydrybrowncookiewannabe.

Good news. The symptoms you are experiencing are not early menopause. It’s the MSG.

“The next fortune cookie you eat will bring you good fortune.”

They’ll all be filled with that or something similar.

You can do it!

Breathe in. Feel that? That’s a miracle.

Never in the history of the world has there ever been a you quite like you.

Eat! Drink! And be fat and drunk!

If at first you don’t succeed, sit on it.

Why are you looking in a cookie for something that’s already in you?

Hey you, yes you sitting at the Berlin marketplace, watch out for that truck…oops!!

She’s not going home with you

Go ahead and get hammered

You left a lousy tip

Whiners are losers; don’t whine.

Positive change is coming your way.

Sing; it keeps your voice strong.

You are worth a fortune but you must find it.

Send $10 to PO box 555, Orlando, FL 32212 with your address for a surprise to be mailed back to you.

You will soon be calling your auto insurance company- we don’t know to whom you gave your car keys, but we don’t have valet parking. ;-o

Did you ever notice that wherever you go for Chinese food, the take out containers and fortune cookies are all the same? You will not find your fortune in this cookie. You will make your fortune by following up on your best ideas.

Soon you will be exactly where you are.

Flip the pillow to the cool side for inner peace.

Once a day, lie still enough to hear your eye lashes grow.

Dude, your f*cked.

I saw, and I’m going to tell.

I hope you had the chicken. The fish is bad.

The waiter has a gun. Shh.

Keep doing it until you can’t . Then don’t.

Only a fool argues with a fool.

Spend less than you earn. Earn more than you need.

Always use virus protection.

Next time you need a stick to beat somebody, pull out the one that is up you.

Respect is free. Admiration must be earned.

The dollar you did not earn will not be kind to you.