General Question

thewied's avatar

Help!

Asked by thewied (31 points ) August 10th, 2008

I found about 20 pic of my sister kissing/making out with a girl on our(family) computer. She’s been in a relationship with “John” for about a year now and i dont know if i should tell him. They’re both 17. But the other girl is 13. And I know her. Please help me…

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

20 Answers

shrubbery's avatar

Hmm this is a hard one. I mean you wonder if you would have been better off without ever having looked at the pictures, were you looking through her private stuff when you shouldn’t have been? But then again, it’s kind of an awkward situation and maybe it shouldn’t just be left. Talk to your sister?

jrpowell's avatar

Delete the photos and STFU. What can you really say that would help this situation? Don’t worry about her boyfriend. Worry about your parents finding them.

thewied's avatar

@ shrubbery- 1). i was finding a pic for my profile pic when i stumbled upon it (she didnt do a very good job of hiding them). 2). She’s going to yell at me for “snooping” through her stuff (that she didnt hide), and then she’s not going to talk to me till she gets back for summer, next year. =(

@ johnpowell-There is a reason why the qustion says “Help!”. Your supposed to give me advice, which apparently, your not capeable of doing. P.S. Her boyfriend is going to ask her “the question” next month.

jlm11f's avatar

The boyfriend is the least of your concerns. Who cares about him?? That is YOUR sister. I wouldn’t delete the pics. I would tell your sister that you saw them and that if she is worried about the parents seeing it then she should delete them. Be nice to her and don’t judge. Tell her your lips are sealed. As for the boyfriend asking the “q”...firstly…wtf…they both are 17!!! whatever happened to enjoying youth? second, if it comes to that stage, AND your sister says yes, then maybe discuss it with her once again.

thewied's avatar

But they’re 5 days apart and he’s going to ask on her b-day next month.

P.S. He’s also my best friend’s older brother.

jrpowell's avatar

And you should ask a question I don’t have to parse.

jlm11f's avatar

18 is still too young, IMO. My advice stands, even with the additional info of it being your best friend’s older brother. This will not harm your friendship. And if it does…you weren’t best friends to begin with.

thewied's avatar

Thank you =)

Sueanne_Tremendous's avatar

Girls kiss. It happens. This doesn’t mean she is a lesbian or even bi-sexual. It could have been just for fun to make funny pictures. I wouldn’t say a word and I would not delete them. It really is none of your business, unless something more was taking place in those pictures.

mamasu's avatar

It seems to me, the biggest ‘concern’ should be that the other girl is only 13. That’s a recipe for disaster with pretty big ramifications.

The relationship with John is none of your business. The fact that your sister is kissing a girl is none of your business.

I would tell her you found the pics – no judgement – and that you are concerned that her choices could be setting her up for a lot of trouble. Then let her make the call about what she’ll do. Approach it from the standpoint of being concerned about her and offering her support. She’s your sister and comes before anybody else’s siblings or friends. Ultimately, however, her actions and whatever possible consequences are hers. You can express concern and show support, but she is the one who has to choose which path she’ll take.

Megan64's avatar

@ mamsu I agree with the 13/17 thing. That is the most worrying as emotionally and intellectually there’s a big difference between those two ages. It sounds like your sister needs a little help…I’d talk to her and your parents.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

If it were me, I would probably tell my sister, and try to talk to her about all those issues, the boyfriend, the girl being 13, etc.

Is there any possibility that they were just taking “silly picture” and went a little overboard? I think you should talk to her before you make any assumptions.

I haven’t seen these pictures, so I really have no idea, but I do know that when I was in high school, there was a picture being passed around that looked like two guys in our grade making out. However, if you looked really closely you could sort of tell that their lips weren’t actually touching each other, it was just take from a certain angle at a really unfortunate moment. One of my good friends is always trying to get me to take pictures like this with her, but on purpose. That’s fun to some people.

All I’m saying is, I would get the whole picture from your sister before I would even think about talking to anyone else about it.

MacBean's avatar

@thewied—johnpowell DID give you advice. Just because it wasn’t what you wanted to hear doesn’t mean it doesn’t qualify. Since you were quick to dismiss that and seem to be adding additional information in an attempt to get others to change their advice, it seems to me that you already know what you want/are going to do. Why did you bother asking this question?

nightshade's avatar

everything is going to be ok

marinelife's avatar

Stop and do not do anything for awhile!!!! I can see why this would be upsetting to you. That it probably makes you want to share what seems momentous with someone else, but you found the pictures, and you will have to bear the burden.

Think about yourself first. If you go around telling people this, it will be you who gets hurt. No one is going to thank you for it.

Also, what can you “tell?“You really do not know what is going on.

The one person you need to talk to, but not in an accusing way, is your sister. Before you start, take her aside and say, “I have something I need to ask you about. I need you to hear me out and listen to me without getting upset.” When she agrees to that, quietly and calmly tell her how you stumbled across the pictures.

If she reacts strongly, remind her that she said she would hear you out. Tell her if she wants to rag on you for seeing the pictures at the end of your discussion she can, but first there are more important things to talk about.

Tell her you care about her, and you would like her to tell you about the pictures. Tell her that if her sexual orientation is gay or bi, that that is her business and that you are OK with that.

Then see what she says.

If she is gay or bi, then ask her what her plans are regarding John. Do not tell her about him popping the Q. At most, say “I think he is pretty serious about you so you may have to be careful not to hurt him.” Then stay out of it. It is their relationship.

Also, say nothing to his brother.

You may want to mention the girl she was kissing. Depending on what your sister says about that, you might mention there is a big maturity gap between 13 and 17, and it is not probably the best girl love interest for her.

I hope things work out. You are not directly involved, and it needs to stay that way.

Find a safe person to talk to (a friend in a different state who does not know any of the other parties, for example) if you are just bursting. Even then, don’t name names.

loser's avatar

Dont do anything. Maybe they’re for the boyfriend.

MacBean's avatar

@Marina—If I could give lurve for that answer more than once, I would.

thewied's avatar

Thank you all! I talked to my sister about it and it is now getting cleared up!

jlm11f's avatar

@thewied – yay!

mamasu's avatar

Glad to hear it thewied. :~)

Answer this question

Login

or

Join

to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
or
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther