General Question

thatswhatshesaid's avatar

Friend Code?

Asked by thatswhatshesaid (65 points ) October 7th, 2008

If I like a guy that my friend used to, but claims that she doesn’t anymore, is it technically OK if i went ahead and went out with him? She even said it was fine and that i should, but you know how girls are. We say one thing, mean the complete opposite. She’s a no-BS kinda gal though, so I’m just curious on everyone’s thoughts. Like, what are exceptions to this rule, what are absolute NO-NOs. Etc. He REALLY likes me I can tell. And he doesn’t like her.
Thanks!

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13 Answers

acebamboo77's avatar

perhaps the time period between when she liked him and yu tow became involved could have some impact….
how your friend got over him could be another…
was there history at all?
you know your friend best. i think you should make your decision based on your judgement of your relationship with your friend. you should be able to tell if she really is okay with it or not.

deaddolly's avatar

If she said it’s ok, I’d go for it. She’d probably not be happy, but as long as she didn’t like him anymore what’s the harm. And, yes we always mean the opposite of what we say.
That’s just my opinion.

It happened to my daughter and her friend. She hated the ex, but got super ticked off when a friend hooked up with him. It ended up being short lived, and since then her and her best friend are just fine.

Just make sure you talk it over with your friend again…

cyndyh's avatar

I think it’s fair game to take your friend at her word. If she’s ok with it why should you second guess that. She said it was ok. If she changes her mind it’s her own damned fault. Go be happy, you. Cheers!

thatswhatshesaid's avatar

You guys are great.
This is why I love you.

chicadelplaya's avatar

WELL….It depends, in my opinion. If it was kind of recent that she was seeing/liking him I would hold off for now. Ask yourself, how much and why do you think you really like this guy? Is it really worth potentially tarnishing a friendship you really care about? Maybe she SAID she didn’t care but what do YOU really think. If you know her well you can figure it out and make the right choice. I was in her shoes not too long ago, and although at first I didn’t want to admit or even feel that I could care less about the guy, turned out I did. NO FUN. Be careful and remember: Chicks before dicks, ladies!!!

emilyrose's avatar

I have said “go for it” when I didn’t mean it and it was pretty terrible…. but in the end if you two really do like each other and it’s not some little thing, then you might as well go for it.

marinelife's avatar

The lesson here is for people to really say what they are feeling. You should take your friend at her word. When we say that we would hate it, that seems so dog in the manger, which is why we are reluctant to say it.

Would any of us want to caue our friend to miss out on potential true love just because it didn’t work out between us and the guy? We need to just live with that little twinge.

Chances are you and your friend will be back trashing him soon when the two of you don’t work out. In the unlikely event that he turns out to be the one, your friend will get over it.

As to the rule. To my way of thinking, it is you don’t date a friend’s ex without talking to that friend.

EnzoX24's avatar

Finally! A woman admits to how they usually are!

Id say go for it, but with caution.

lostman101's avatar

Yea go out with the guy in my opinion, and just keep a tab on how your friend is feeling!
And all girls are so confusing.. Just say what you mean!
If only life was so simple

WolfFang's avatar

Try to reopen the conversation with your friend to get everything straight. This might not be the best advice, coming from a guy, but still it seems logical. Then If she still seems OK about it, then go for it. If she gets pissed, who cares, she’s the one who didn’t communicate right?
@chicadelplaya chicks before dicks? i thouhgt it was buds before studs? anyway I say Bros before Hoes!!

beccalynnx's avatar

If they’ve never actually dated, then i say go for it. if they’re not going to do anything, why can’t you?
every woman for herself when it comes to man hunting – i mean soulmate searching! ;)

Marva's avatar

I would say this is not about the technical rule of OK, but about what you feel is ok. If you feel you should go for it, well then, you never know: you and him could turn out to be the best couple for the rest of your lifes, or the most important relationship you will ever have to get to that “special one”. You should go for it then. On the other hand, if it feels wrong, it probably is, you might end up loosing your friend just for a short fling.

Do what feels right.

I once went for it with a guy I SOOOO liked, while my best friend was objecting strongly. I ended up loosing her, but I never regret my relationship with Roi, not even ten years after it had ended.
Eventually I just thought she wasn’t such a good friend if she tried to stand in my way like that, whilst there was really nothing worthwhile ever between them.

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