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DrasticDreamer's avatar

**Adult Content** Are there any women here who haven't had an orgasm through intercourse?

Asked by DrasticDreamer (19406 points ) October 16th, 2008

Another question inspired me to ask this. This is very personal information, but I would like any advice that I can get. I’m one of those women out there who have (thus far) never had an orgasm during sex. What the hell can I do to change this?

I love sex – enjoy it immensely, my partner was very attentive, I have no weird emotional issues that may be preventing it from happening, nothing like that. So is something medically wrong with me? Seriously… What can I do?

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52 Answers

jvgr's avatar

From various studies I’ve read, you would seem to be in the majority of women with respect to your specific question.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

And… What? No one knows why we’re so unlucky? Are we doomed to never experience an orgasm during sex?

shilolo's avatar

I’m not a woman, but, I would ask if you’ve ever had an orgasm through other means (oral sex or masturbation)? If so, then the issue is primarily that, in addition to vaginal stimulation, you need clitoral stimulation simultaneously (which is completely normal). You might consider asking your partner to do this (or do it yourself) while having intercourse. This technique might “do the trick” for you.

Must be strange taking advice from a conehead, but I assure you, this is what works on the planet Remulak.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Yeah, I’ve had them through other means. As for clitoral stimulation at the same time, already tried it, many times – both myself and my partner and we had no luck.

shilolo's avatar

Are you taking any medicines? Do you otherwise feel well (i.e. no other medical conditions)? Have you recently had orgasms independent of sex, or do you feel they are missing altogether? These are some of the initial questions from a “medical perspective”. There might be a biologic basis for this problem. Send me a PM if you want to discuss further.

scamp's avatar

I think it’s easier to acheive from “other methods” but it is possible. It took some years and lots of exploration with my wasband before I had the first one during intercourse.

marinelife's avatar

I second shi in exploring any potential medical issues.

Forgive the instrusion, but have you or do you do kegel exercises? Aside from the medical benefits, exercising your vaginal muscles may help you achieve vaginal orgasm. Don’t freight them with that expectation or expect it to happen right away. Go into it with the idea that strengthening your vaginal muscles will increase your sexual pleasure (and probably your husband’s too). The reason it may help is that contractions of the vaginal muscles are involved in the female orgasm. So, in effect you are “practicing” having that experience without clitoral stimulation.

I would say that you need to take this off the table as a goal of your lovemaking. it is too stressful for both partners. It means that if you don’t, you have failed (and he will feel he has failed to pleasure you). For now, go into your lovemaking with the idea of pleasing each other and spending intimate time together. Stop counting the ways and means of orgasm.

You did not mention the role and length of foreplay during your lovemaking. Women need much longer than men before they can climax, especially vaginally. Have your partner spend some extra time on getting you ready. Ask him to do the things that make you particularly hot (that will excite him too). Using clitoral or oral stimulation have him bring you almost to the peak of orgasm once or even several times, and then begin intercourse.

Good luck. As problems go, this one is at least fun to work on.

trudacia's avatar

I would suggest that you don’t sweat it. When you’re trying so hard it will likely never happen. I’m sure you’ve discovered other ways to ‘get there’. Incorporate that into your sex life and don’t worry so much about how you get off… Just make sure that you do!

deaddolly's avatar

I just saw something on Margaret Cho’s show (she thought her vagina was haunted or something…), you can get a shot in your g-spot that’s supposed to help with orgasm. Contrary to how it sounds, it’s not supposed to hurt.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

No other medical issues, lots of time on foreplay, and trust me, going into sex it’s not a worry of mine. I always told my partner that he shouldn’t worry about it, because I enjoy sex with or without the orgasm. I really am starting to wonder if something might actually be wrong with me, though. I’ve literally tried all of the ideas you’ve all mentioned.

I think I should maybe make an appointment. Actually, I just thought of it, but I’ve been thinking for a while that I may have endometriosis. Maybe that has something to do with it.

Either way, making an appointment.

Thanks for trying to help, guys.

gailcalled's avatar

I always had one terrific orgasm pre-intercourse (using most of the techniques mentioned above), and then often a gentler, kinder one during.

My husband was stubborn about only wanting sex when I wanted it. I used to tell him it was fine if we occasionally didn’t worry about me. I never understood. (But then, there were lots of things I didn’t understand. That’s why he’s my ex.)

EnzoX24's avatar

My girlfriend can’t have an orgasm through intercourse, either. With oral, it’s a piece of cake usually. I’m not sure how old you are, but I’ve read in a couple articles that a lot of women can’t achieve a vaginal orgasm before the age of 20–25.

We did, however, find one position that gets her close. It is pretty much standing up, with her at the edge of the bed. We haven’t gotten it to work yet, because we just figured it out last week and I had a mad crazy headache. Oh well, round 2 starts tomorrow. :D

CherryRed's avatar

For a long time I didn’t and usually needed a shit load of clitoral stimulation. It was this was with a lot of my friends.

It wasn’t until My last couple of boyfriends that I managed to do so. :)

gailcalled's avatar

ladies; the language is so interesting. “Some years and lots of exploration,” “I really am starting to wonder if something might actually be wrong with me, though.” ” Round 2, “It wasn’t until my last couple of boyfriends that I managed to do so.”

This is not like training for the Olympics, and there is no right or wrong way to have an orgasm. During, I bet that we are all focussed on OUR bodies, OUR selves for that 20 or 30 seconds.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@gail: No… The only thing that’s wrong is if you can’t have one at all…. ;)

@Enzo: I’m 23.

Sigh. Damn it.

gailcalled's avatar

@Drastic; why do you think so many young girls love to ride horses?

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@gail: Bwahahaha and ewwwwww all at the same time!

I would prefer to think that young girls love to ride horses so much simply because they’re beautiful creatures. Any other ideas tend to make me want to vomit all over the keyboard. Poor horses…

La_chica_gomela's avatar

Gail, What? I said What? I mean WHAT?!

that’s a joke, right? because i never got any sensations out of riding horses except sore buttcheeks, at it was not hot, i promise.

gailcalled's avatar

Not a joke. And I said “many,” not all. And I believe that it was a pleasurable stimulation and probably not orgasmic. All that bouncing and posting, up and down, up and down, up… I don’t think that the horses paid much attention. I rode from about 9 to 12yrs old and I too was only sore. But I have heard tell.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

wow. those girls must have no clitoral hood at all…

gailcalled's avatar

What about the (stories of) women who sit on washing machines during the agitator or spin cycle? I’m simply trying to be helpful. When I was a teen-ager, these issues were NEVER discussed, even in the available literature.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

LOL, Gail, how is that helpful?

gailcalled's avatar

Keep things light-hearted, lower stress levels, get better use of energy-efficient appliances…help me out here.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

hahahahahhahahhaah

augustlan's avatar

Go, Gail!

gailcalled's avatar

@A; not come?

augustlan's avatar

Gail! You made me snort! Most undignified! : )

nocountry2's avatar

I’ve always enjoyed riding horses….Gail is not off base.

:)

Ncshawty's avatar

i havent lol 18f

BronxLens's avatar

Ok, consider this approach:
First, get going. That is, go through your regular motions of foreplay (as needed/wanted) and then to the act itself. Just follow your rythms as usual. Then, whenever you feel like it, but before the man gets too close to climax, have the woman lay on top of the man, face-to-face. Now, this next step may be a bit awkward but hey, at least condider giving it a try (disclaimer: check with your Dr. first, yadayadayada). The next step is to bring the woman’s knees together, so you are both now like 1 plank resting over another. Now, this does 2 things. It closes the woman’s entry point increasing the friction for both partners. Two, and this is my very subjective take on the mechanics involved, it places the clitoris in more direct contact with the the mans body that is in a position to rub it during sex. Now, in this position the woman looses the leverage to swing her pelvis back and forth, so the man has to grab her ass and (dont laugh!) slide her back and forth (God, now I’m the one laughing… ) The idea is to increase clitoral stimulation during intercourse, which is more conductive to orgasm than vaginal stimulation can offer. As usual, like all techniques, be it in the kitchen or in bed, results vary, so buyer beware… and good luck!

scamp's avatar

Hmm food for thought…. People who ride “English” bounce up and down on the horse alot more than those who ride “Western”. I wonder if it has anything to do with the saddle horn??

La_chica_gomela's avatar

Okay, now I’m getting selfish, I want to try this thing you’re talking about BronxLens, but I want to make sure I know what it is exactly.

I don’t understand how the woman can bring her knees together if she’s on top of him…Will the penis not slip out?

What’s the easiest way to get into this position? Should she first “sit” on him, and then slide her legs down so that she’s more “laying”?

Maybe I could figure these things out when trying it, but it never hurts to talk about it more (and it’s fun) ;-)

BronxLens's avatar

@chicaG: Man on his back, knees fairly close together. Girl sits on top (like sitting on a saddle, knees on his sides), and now he’s inside. As girl leans forward, she simultaneously stretches her legs back to a position resembling Supergirl in flight (although she could grab his shoulders to assist and avoid slipping to either of his sides).

The back & forth sex motion consist of short but powerful thrusts, which generate a lot of rubbing between the clitoris and the lower abdomen area of the man, which could be conductive to orgasms. BTW, the girl’s closed legs generate a power grip around the phallus that should reduce slippage.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

I see! Thank you for your patience, BronxLens!

DrasticDreamer's avatar

I will never think of Supergirl the same way again. Not that I thought about her much anyway, but I’m just saying…

gailcalled's avatar

It sounds too much like being at the gym under (bad word choice?) the tutelage of a sadist.

BronxLens's avatar

Is not about how it sounds, it’s about how it feels ;) I know what you mean Gail. It’s like the bit about explaining a joke =o

gailcalled's avatar

Or announcing “sorry about the pun” when I can’t find the pun, much less feel sorry about it.

Bronxlens; when you are explaining something as complicated as sexual mechanice, give us some breaks in the text, I implore you. (I was going to add “on bended knees” but thought better of it.) :-)

BronxLens's avatar

@gail, looking back I can see that yes, some breaks were called for. My bad (writing sexual instructions while keeping the grammarian nearby is not as easy as I thought), though I’m glad I didn’t go this far .

gailcalled's avatar

BL; True. That won the Nobel Prize for longest and most confusing and unreadable question.

(I laughed at “slippage”.) Perhaps you could make an origami presentation for further clarity?

BronxLens's avatar

Gail, for you I would give it a try ;)

shilolo's avatar

Sounds like a match made in heaven.

gailcalled's avatar

@Shi; If you were wearing your tallit instead of that conehead, you could call on the local
Shadchen.

bianlink's avatar

Just being curious, what r u enjoying if u don’t have orgasm? I’m a guy.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

Sex still feels good before you orgasm, right? Well, it’s the same for a woman. The entire act feels good.

SeventhSense's avatar

@DD
I would think it’s psychological. There are very few women if any who don’t have the capacity. It’s probably a fear of letting go completely. Like you’re going to lose control or something. Some women get very emotional after orgasm. You may just have to accept any feeling that comes up. And of course there is always the possibility that there was something traumatic in your past. But if you’ve ruled that out it just like a build up to a sneeze…a REALLY GOOD SNEEZE…

SeventhSense's avatar

@DD
This statement is telling:
“I would prefer to think that young girls love to ride horses so much simply because they’re beautiful creatures. Any other ideas tend to make me want to vomit all over the keyboard. Poor horses…”
You have some ideas about what is good and proper for a young lady and what is nasty. You need to get a little nasty, dirty and naughty and be OK with it. I give you permission to be naughty, now give yourself permission.

DrasticDreamer's avatar

@SeventhSense Trust me, it’s not psychological. That statement was simply referring to the fact that I personally think it’s disgusting to use an animal in or for any kind of sexual act.

justus2's avatar

yea i havent either, only oral

SABOTEUR's avatar

My wife never has an orgasm through intercourse.

When she’s ready, we assume a “sliding position” that leads her to orgasm.

Aster's avatar

it.s psychological and hard to explain what (or who) turns that light on.

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