General Question

RandomMrdan's avatar

Things to do on the first date?

Asked by RandomMrdan (7387 points ) October 16th, 2008

If on the first date, you meet, and things seem to be going well, and conversation has a decent flow to it. What kind of things can you say/do that would make that person think you’re interested in a relationship, and that you’re not just wasting each others time??

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24 Answers

skabeep's avatar

if you wanna be in a long serious relationship you should inform her that you would still do her when she’s old wrinkly and saggy. That always gets em for me on the first date

stratman37's avatar

I don’t know if you need to state your intents for a long term relationship on the very first date. That might come off as desperate, and run off a potential Mr/Mrs. right. See how it goes after the first few dates, and then as you get to know them better, you can gradually bring up the fact that you’re in this “for serious”.

RandomMrdan's avatar

We went out on a first date, I suggested smoothies. It was kind of short, like maybe 45 minutes, of talking, and sipping on our smoothies. Getting to know each other a bit, and the most recent of emails we’ve exchanged she mentioned something about me putting out a “friend vibe”. I sent back another email to debunk that notion a bit, but no response…trying to figure out how to change that next time around.

RandomMrdan's avatar

oh, the way I perceived the “friend vibe” notion was that she took me for someone that may not be interested in dating her. Her exact phrasing was this:

“I did enjoy Planet Smoothie!! Thanks again!! My drink was awesome and it was nice to meet you!! I did feel more of a friend vibe from you, but I had a great time talking!!”

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

I have to think that one of the best things that you can do is to call her promptly after the date, and tell her you had a nice time and ask her out again. In between the dates, call her and tell her about something your read or saw that made you think of her or something you said.

Guys not calling has always been a common female complaint.

marinelife's avatar

If things are going well, maybe you could suggest a walk so you could continue talking. After the date, i think that AlfredaPrufrock has a great suggestion.

Good luck.

stratman37's avatar

Well, all you CAN do at this point is stalk her.

RandomMrdan's avatar

@stratman37 haha nice…sadly she doesn’t use facebook or any other social networking site….heh, I’m kidding.

RandomMrdan's avatar

We just went out yesterday, think there is anything I could say now to change the current path I feel this is going towards?

marinelife's avatar

Call her and say, “I definitely would like to be more than friends. Can we go out and explore things a bit further?”

Go more upscale and romantic for the second date to move it without doubt out of the friend category.

emilyrose's avatar

I think she was telling you she is not into you in a romantic way. You can try again but I think that is what she meant by “friend vibe.” I don’t think she was saying, “I couldn’t tell if you were into me.” Sorry if that’s a disappointment : (

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

Random, a story. Bear with me.

My daughter met her boyfriend when she advertised for a roommate in grad school. He was in City A, she was in City B, they were both going to school in City C. She advertised for a roommate in March for September. At the time she was dating another guy for 4 years, who was in grad school in City B. All of these places were within an hour and a half of eachother. When she moved to City C, the understanding was that she and her boyfriend would alternate weekends driving back and forth. It ended up she drove more than he did, and when he didn’t come to visit she would hang out with her roommates as friends. He would always do nice things for her, take her places with him, cook, invite her to concerts, etc.

She and BF drifted apart, and over Christmas, they broke up because the BF made other plans for New Years that didn’t include my daughter. She ended up going back to City C to hang out with her “friend.” Long and short of it, a month later, they’re dating, she’s the happiest she’s ever been. As is he.

My point is, relationships that start out as friends can be really, really great long term relationships. Sometimes you just have to be patient. Act like a good boyfriend, and she’ll either figure it out or one of her girlfriends will do it for her. Sometimes things don’t happen on the same schedule, but it doesn’t rule out it happening.

cyndyh's avatar

The friend vibe comment is still ambiguous, I think. Especially since taking her to smoothie place doesn’t really scream “date” to me. That sounds like a friend thing to do and might have sent the wrong message. It’s great if that’s a part of the date, but not the whole date.

I’d see if she wants to get together again she did say she had a great time as a date or as a friend and let things go from there.

emilyrose's avatar

@cyndyh—- I don’t think so… that was just her polite way of saying “I am not interested in dating you.”

cyndyh's avatar

Really? Even when his idea of a date is a smoothie shop? Maybe, but at best it sounds like a mixed message. I guess I come from a more direct time and place.

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

I have to think smoothie shop is probably not a date place, unless you’re both runners/cyclists? Going by the Smoothie King in my neighborhood, it doesn’t exactly say, “have interesting conversations with me.” There’s a lot of hustle-bustle, and cans of powdered drink additives on the shelves. It says “no magic.” Unlike a coffee shop, with double mocha lattes with extra whipped cream, and fresh baked goods, things to read, interesting art work…you get the drift.

I think you’re getting “not interested” but you could try again, with a better venue. Perhaps pick up a book or a magazine with an article that relates to something she’s interested in, and use that as a reason to get together again? That way, you’re leveraging “friend,” and are positioning yourself as thoughtful and a good listener (two great boyfriend qualities). If she is interested in only friends, you’re getting a second chance without being written off as persistent.

emilyrose's avatar

I’m not sure of the ages of respondents to this thread (I am 28), but I have a feeling that the questioner is younger, and therefore a smoothie shop makes sense. Too young to go to a bar, or have enough cash for a nice dinner. Also, the younger folks often like to have an initial date be more causal. I know I do. Dinner as a first date totally freaks me out—I would prefer a drink, walk, bike ride, or something like that.

I sense a little generational gap here….

“Friend vibe” is not really something someone older than early twenties (or even younger) would likely say in my opinion. Also, the fact that she has not responded to the “debunking” in his second email to her, makes me think that she is looking for a way out without having to be totally explicit.

cyndyh's avatar

“Friend vibe” can completely be used by someone older. But the vibe would indicate signals she’s getting from him that she’s not quite put her finger on that says he just wants to be friends.

It does read like this is someone a lot younger, but a smoothie shop as the whole date? Yikes. I mean go for a bike ride and then stop at a smoothie shop for a while, but the whole date? There’s a whole world of possibilities between “smoothie shop” and “nice dinner”. I mean generation gap or not, smoothie shop sounds less than casual and less than a date.

RandomMrdan's avatar

no no, I’m 23. We were getting to know each other. We decided on a smoothie place because she had to drive an hour home. So a quick meet up really to get to know each other and talk to one another instead of through email. We were there for probably 30 minutes. The smoothie place is fun, but I wasn’t really sure whether I would want a “real date” I was kinda feelin things out a bit. I would have liked a real date…but turns out she must not be interested after all.

@emily you’re right…still no reply, so yeah, I assume she’d just not see me again :/

I never like to go straight to dinner for a date, nor do I like going to a movie (you don’t really talk much during a movie). And a dinner and a movie for a first date seems like a tad much. What kind of suggestions would one have for a first date for future reference? Money isn’t really an issue, I make really good money, and live with a roommate.

In addition to all of this…I’m not sure exactly how to put out any other vibe at first anyways….I mean, I was being friendly, having conversation and so on…perhaps the friend vibe was just a way out for her.

We live and we learn I guess.

cyndyh's avatar

Suggestions for the future? Depends. Where do you live? What types of things are you into doing?

For the record my son is 23 and my daughter’s 22. So, yeah, I’m older, but I am frequently around people your age.

RandomMrdan's avatar

I’m from Columbus Ohio. I like stand up comedy, live music, sports, and movies. I know I’d like to do any of these things on a date…just not sure which would be best for a first date.

emilyrose's avatar

Do something physical, like a walk, bike ride, or hike. But not something where the woman would feel unsafe. I would not go on a hike with a guy I didn’t know as a first date for fear he would do something bad to me in the middle of nowhere! But a walk along the boardwalk, beach, river, in the park, if you both have access to bikes, a bike ride is fun, etc…...

cyndyh's avatar

Those are good picks. They have the added advantage that you can make the date longer or shorter at any point without having things get awkward.

Comedy can be hit or miss -not everyone has the same taste and some topics can be a little much for a first date. Save that for future dates.

I love live music for future dates, but it’s a bit much for a first date. If you love the band and she doesn’t you’ve just blown a lot of money on a ticket that would better have gone to a friend. Also, it’s not really a talking environment for getting to know someone.

Movies, not really a talking environment. Again, future date.

Another thing to keep in mind, if you go on a bike ride or long walk you might want to take it easy and let her set the pace. Offer to stop for this or that and you buy. If she wants to buy or go dutch tell her she can buy next time.

stratman37's avatar

wife-to-be-swapping!

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