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emilyrose's avatar

How do you respond to a text from someone you are not interested in AT ALL?

Asked by emilyrose (2255 points ) October 20th, 2008

I met a guy who asked for my #, and not wanting to be rude, I gave it to him. He texted me the next day, and I have yet to respond. Do I ignore it completely or drop the “boyfriend” line? I don’t actually have a boyfriend, but I think that would keep him away. I know that’s a bit immature, but I also feel like an uber direct “I am not into you” is not really called for in this situation. Not sure if it matters, but this was not the first time I met him, it was the second time we had run into each other.

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36 Answers

loser's avatar

I think he’ll get the hint if you don’t respond.

jballou's avatar

Most girls would just ignore him until he went away, but as a guy it would be nice to get a message that says “Sorry, I’m not really interested.”

You already sent a signal that you were open to hearing from him even if you were just being nice by giving him your number, so just be nice again and let him know that it’s not going to happen.

jvgr's avatar

Exactly as loser said: Don’t respond

emilyrose's avatar

Yeah I hope so….he’s pretty persistent, aggressive…... (desperate???)

bodyhead's avatar

If you feel the need to respond, maybe you could write: ‘I think you have the wrong number, buddy’

emilyrose's avatar

Well I guess I am worried about running into him again…..I guess it will be a tad awkward no matter what I say….

mea05key's avatar

Just politely decline him or perhaps say that u are only interested in friendship to avoid hurting him directly.

If he is a very outgoing guy, probably u can say it directly. haha

emilyrose's avatar

Also, it wouldn’t be a total lie to say “sorry if I gave you the wrong idea, but I am seeing someone.” He didn’t overtly ask me out, but that is why he wants my #.

@mea—I am not even interested in friendship….just a hello the next time we run into each other would suffice.

robmandu's avatar

If the risk of seeing him again was remote, I’d suggest ignoring the message.

However, since you’ve said you very likely could run into him again, then I’m of the opinion that you should reply like jballou said. It might be awkward now, but you’re clearly not stringing him along then. After that one reply, ignore all subsequent messages though.

emilyrose's avatar

grrr….... i hate this!

Bri_L's avatar

I agree with robmandu and jballou. At least it will show some kindness and not erode his trust in women.

bodyhead's avatar

Maybe you should be more of a jerk in person so as not to attract so many gentlemen callers.

emilyrose's avatar

I usually do a pretty good job at the jerk thing. I tried to show that I was not interested but he did not pick up on it…...

battlemarz's avatar

Ask him if he wants to get married. I can guarantee he will go running scarred and not text you anymore :).

AlfredaPrufrock's avatar

emilyrose, tell him that you appreciate his interest, but have a lot on your plate and don’t have the time to invest in a new relationship at the moment. Then, don’t take his calls. If you run into him, and he presses, then tell him you’re sorry you gave him your phone number, because you couldn’t be interested in anyone with stalker tendencies.

deaddolly's avatar

Just don’t respond. I’ve given numbers to ppl i never intended to date before, as well. Why, I have no clue. Next time, just tell him you’re moving to Guam for a research project.

Zaku's avatar

emilyrose, many men don’t speak “try to show” at all, and many of us don’t get silence either. Your phone seems to be broken, or you might want an in-person lesson in texting, he thinks. We speak direct language. Just cut & paste jballou’s text “Sorry, I’m not really interested.” Otherwise, he will keep bugging and thinking about you.

DandyDear711's avatar

I agree with Zaku but most likely he won’t even get that big a hint… most guys don’t get hints!

gailcalled's avatar

A polite note. I find that ending with “be well” usually makes the point.

DandyDear711's avatar

or end with… “Have a good life.” (JK)

cwilbur's avatar

Depends on what he said in the text, and where you want the relationship to go. It probably would have been more straightforward to just not give out your phone number in the first place, but since you did, I think flat-out ignoring him is rude. Further, until you make it clear to him that you’re not interested, he’s going to wonder if you got the message or not.

So respond politely, but clearly showing your lack of interest.

Fieryspoon's avatar

Giving your number out isn’t really the “nice” thing to do, because now he has even farther to fall when he finally gets disappointed.

If you told him you weren’t interested now, he would appreciate it a lot, because he won’t be sitting around waiting for you for however long he does that, and he’ll be able to move on with his life.

emilyrose's avatar

AAAAAAAACKKKKKKKKKKKK! Just did it. “Hope I didn’t give you the wrong idea, but I’m not interested. Take care.”

I feel terrible : (

DandyDear711's avatar

Ahhh but you did the right thing! You will feel better soon….

or at least until he texts you again!

emilyrose's avatar

Yeah at least he will not follow me around the next time we run into each other….

Magnus's avatar

Maybe he’s on fluther.

cwilbur's avatar

Well, if it’s any consolation, I think you did the right thing. Compare the brief awkwardness of telling him you weren’t interested to the ongoing awkwardness of having to avoid him and deflect him because he thinks you might be interested….

emilyrose's avatar

I doubt he is on fluther, let’s hope not!! His response was that he was just trying to be my friend….I don’t think so. He made a point if asking me if a male I was with was my boyfriend. WHATEVER!

jballou's avatar

@emilyrose he’s probably just trying to save face. Good for you for being nice and honest. Not enough people like that out there.

Zaku's avatar

Yeah, bravo!

emilyrose's avatar

thanks, guys : )

Emilyy's avatar

I see that I’m a little late here, but I think ignoring someone you’re not interested in gets the point across. I would tell you to give out the fake number next time, but a friend of mine had a problem with that when she gave the fake and the guy started calling it right then and there so that she could have his number stored in her phone as well. It was around 1 am and thankfully no one answered.

gailcalled's avatar

Why is it so difficult to prevent the problem in the first place? It is much ruder to invent phone numbers, untrue excuses or non-existent boyfriends. How about, “I’m sorry, but no.”

emilyrose's avatar

Because I think he asked me in front of my friend which would have been dually embarrassing for him. Anyway, I get it, and I have done that before, but I just couldn’t do it in the moment. We were at a small event and I knew I was going to keep running into him for a couple of hours….....

I have done the fake # before… I think it was more because I know I’ll probably see him again and felt weird…...

DandyDear711's avatar

@emilyrose – you don’t need to explain yourself anymore…

PredatorGanazX's avatar

But I like reading @emily explanation… and thumbs up to you.

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