General Question

aneedleinthehayy's avatar

Can you be in love with someone you know you might not be with for the rest of your life?

Asked by aneedleinthehayy (1193 points ) October 23rd, 2008

Like, you understand there is a possibilty that things between you and your partner might fall apart, you hope not, but it’s pretty much inevitable. Is what you feel still love?
I’m curious cos a friend of mine said to me that she was in love with this kid but that they probably won’t last. Is this just her being negative about relationships? Or is she just being sensible? Or is what she feels for this kid really not love?

And also, is it always better to keep in mind, when getting into a relationhship, that things might not work out? Or is it seriously best to believe you’ll be together forever no matter what?

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27 Answers

windex's avatar

yes, it happens to me everyday

cheebdragon's avatar

Love sucks….

jessturtle23's avatar

Yes, I’m in love with the guy I am with now but we may not get married. He is about to take a job working all over the world so who knows what will happen.

deaddolly's avatar

Sure, maybe she knows they both want different things in life and is just being realistic. She’s probably met other guys like this one. Some are just not keepers.
It does amaze me tho, how young ppl seem to fall in love, or fall in what they think is love, so very easily. As far as I’m concerned, love takes awhile. Those ppl who say ‘I love you’ after the first date or w/e, 98% of the time have no clue.

elchoopanebre's avatar

Sorry to be trite, but there’s a reason they say ‘love is blind.’

(Yes).

Sloane2024's avatar

GA, DD. Love only occurs when one has seen every side of that person. If you still feel just as strongly about them when they are angry, upset, sick, distraught, terrified, or just down right pissy for no particular reason, then I’d say your on a pretty close track to love.

But, to answer your question, I do believe it’s possible; I find it hard to do so if I can envision the end of our relationship, though. I find myself not putting forth my all if I know it will eventually come to an end and, ultimately, be forgotten as the two of us move on. When I ponder the scenarios where true love could potentially be found when an inevitable end is known is between a man and a woman when one of the two has a terminal illness and the other enters the relationship knowing this. I so deeply admire the commitment and dedication made in a circumstances like these…

aneedleinthehayy's avatar

@deaddolly: I almost didn’t recognize you with that new avatar picture thingy! But yeah, I know exactly what you mean about the jumping the gun thing with love that kids do. It’s tough though, you know what it was like, all those emotions swimming around inside you, nowhere to go but out you mouth in those three easy words.
Sometimes I wonder if it really makes a huge difference whether you think you’re in love, or if you really are…
@sloane: Once again, thank you for your gloriously helpful answers!

noraasnave's avatar

In Love is a combination of overwhelming emotional responses to thoughtful actions taken on a person’s behalf. Feelings always follow the actions. That why love is an action. So if you act like you love someone you will feel the feelings. The common phrase in marriage counseling to fall ‘in love’ with someone again is ‘fake it til you feel it’.

If you take loving actions then just wait a bit and you will feel like you ‘love’ that person. You choose who you are going to do those actions for…thereby you decide who you will love.

Sometimes hetro women let the man make the first move or action, then the woman feels the feelings of being in ‘love’ first, even though the guy may just be going through his predetermined actions for a date or something. I have experienced this where women feel like they are in love with me because I am a simple gentleman.

Hope this helps.

jvgr's avatar

If you are only looking for reasons why something will fail you will aways find them.
If you are acting in a manner that supports a notion that failure is the probable outcome; failure will indeed be the result.

Nimis's avatar

Genuine love does not depend on the outcome.
Sometimes it is in stubborn opposition to.

deaddolly's avatar

@aneedle I thought I’d change my avatar to throw ppl off and see if it was noticed…lol

I’m so amazed at how often ‘i love you’ is thrown about. It loses its meaning. Kids that are 13 and 14 think they’re in love…some online, who haven’t even met. Argh!

loser's avatar

Sadly, yes…

qualitycontrol's avatar

all your questions will be answered by watching the movie: The Notebook
there, I said it.

p.s. I LOVE my baby. I know I do, the only reason we would separate would be if she wanted to. I can’t be sure if that day will ever come so I’m just gonna keep loving her regardless.

maccmann's avatar

I think that the main thing that you are asking for here is a definition of “love.” There are actually several different kinds of “love” and ways of how it applies to intimate relationships. Knowing the differences is the key in making sense of it all.

There is a distinctive difference between “love’ and being “in love.” You can be “in love with your dog, your car, your partner or who/whatever. But that doesn’t mean that you actually “love” them. Being in love is that giddy, fluttery, stomach-flipping, feel-good stuff that you get when you are with someone who can make you feel that way.

Now, “love” is actually being able to get past that initial stage of being “in love” and taking it to the next level. When you “love” someone you can realize and accept that that “in love” feeling isn’t essential to the relationship and you are able to accept the person who you “love” s they are and be with them no matter what. “Love” is unconditional and never expects anything. It just does what it does.

So in this particular situation, it sounds as though this person is “in love” but they could never truly “love” that person in the true sense of that concept.

Get it?

aneedleinthehayy's avatar

@maccmann: Yeah, I totally get it.

Knotmyday's avatar

You can’t help falling in love, needle. Just be true to yourself.

Sloane2024's avatar

Wow… That’s insanely deep, mccmann. GA.

cyndyh's avatar

Strictly speaking, yes. There’s a really good chance that I might not be with my husband the rest of my life. His health might fail before mine does. He could die accidentally before I do. That could happen at any time to any of us. It doesn’t change how we feel -usually.

I do think real love takes a lot of time to develop, though. I like the way maccmann explained that.

goldmine178's avatar

well i would have to say yes because I have went through two females within the past two years…..

Magnus's avatar

Yes, I believe the correct terminology to apply is: male.

molly's avatar

are you gonna break up with me

cardsinner's avatar

I believe it’s possible to love for a time. Eventually love can fade away or even change into something different: caring, love for a friend, etc.

tessa's avatar

oh love. It comes in many different shapes and sizes. I have been in love with people I knew I would never last with. But I love them none-the-less, and just as deeply. But that is a personal thing, some people are better at putting up walls that keep them from fully opening their hearts until they are secure (know they will be together forever). No one’s definition of love can match your own. Your friends relationship and love may not make sense to you, but it is still real to her. So, of course, the love you have for someone when you are young and know it wont last forever isn’t the same as the ‘we have been married for 15 years’ kind of love. Although I have never had the latter kind of love, I believe the former is much more paralyzing, Loving someone you know you won’t be with till the end, that is pain. . . Now you’ve made me sad!

jackfright's avatar

Yes. Sometimes especially so because you know it will not last.
There is beauty in the temporary.

vvjj's avatar

Yes of course you can be in love with anyone despite age, sexuality, gender, race, etc.

borderline_blonde's avatar

Absolutely. Relationships are just expressions of love, but they don’t dictate whether or not you love someone. That’s just life. People change, and it ruins the relationship. People don’t change, and it ruins the relationship. You learn more and more about someone over time, and it ruins the relationship. Life happens, and it ruins the relationship. You sleep with his best friend, and it ruins the relationship (go figure! Jeesh!)

However, I don’t think I’m alone in the belief that it would be nice if those feelings would disappear the second “We should see other people” is uttered.

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