Is chivalry dead?

<< Mid-thirties. You can have my seat anytime, madame. (deep bow)

You’re not quite old enough, most likely, for me to give up my seat to you. But my general rule is: elderly, pregnant ladies, fussy kids (young enough to need it). As I take public transit, I can tell you without a doubt: chivalry is not dead. There are jerks sometimes, but for the most part there is always someone jumping up to give a seat to anyone who needs it (elderly, pregnant, etc.).

Chivalry is like courtesy. Not everyone has it.

I think you done a good deed, letting that guy know he was wrong. Now, all he needs is to understand why he was wrong.

“Chivalry IS dead… and ya’ll killed!.”

It’s dead in the same way that Latin is dead. There’s only a few of us left that understand it. I will always open the doors for ladies, give up my seat for ladies and pay for ladies.

I know that this makes me a hypocrite and this makes me sexist. I treat women differently then I would a man (even though I’m told by the media that I should treat them equally). There are several organizations that look down on me for targeting women for my good deeds. (women’s lib, etc.)

In society’s eyes, it seems a woman can’t be completely equal to a man and maintain special treatment from them at the same time. It’s like saying, “I’m the same or better then you… but also give me your seat!”

Chivalry is not dead. Not to men who have the common decency & breeding to use it. Sadly, the jerks sometimes outnumber the gentlemen.

While it was especially nice for that man to give you his seat, I have found in life that special treatment for women often goes hand-in-hand with other unequal treatment, such as the expectation that women will work for less money or be treated as if they do not know as much as men. All that special treatment originally came because women were seen as the “weaker” gender, that needed protection.

As far as I’m concerned, I’ll open my own doors and wait while standing if it means that I am recognized as having equal standing with men. Younger men, who have been raised to see women as equals, have often dispensed with outdated ways of treating women as they see them working just as hard and being just as smart. Older men, who were born in a different time, may often still feel that women are unequal, and therefore in need of a waiting-room seat before they faint away. If we can’t have it both ways (and I don’t think we can), I’ll take the one with greater independence and recognition of my strength and worth.

What irks me about such a Q is the notion that chivalry was present in all men in the earlier times. I think chivalry is equally present now as it was then. It just has different ways of showing it. Not every man is chivalrous (or rather, gives a damn) and it has always been this way. I think in the earlier generations, men were expected to open doors, get up for ladies etc etc. I think that social “demand” is going down. So only the men that want to do those things are doing it. And that’s how it should be. Give up your seat because you want to. Do something nice because you want to. Not because you feel that you are obligated to do so. That way, when you do find someone particularly chivalrous, you know that person is someone worth looking at =)

@PnL : I agree. My boyfriends manners are one of the things that I was really attracted. Bad manners has weeded out many guys really quickly.

I am 20 and I am almost neurotically chivalrous. I am that guy who will hold the door for the next 10 some people behind me. The thing is, for me it doesn’t really matter the sex of the other person, if they are behind me, I will hold the door. Its the same thing with giving up my seat, if the person looks tired, is older/less fit than me, or has a bunch of bags, they get the seat… I don’t even think about it.
It is possible that I may go out of my way a little more for women: like walking my female friends to their car after dark, but this is not because I am a chauvinist or anything… it just makes me feel better to know that they are safe.
I think that the place where you run into problems is when someone is completely sex selective when it comes to chivalrous behavior, like the type of guy that will open the door for the pretty ladies and then let it fall back in your face right after.
I am always conflicted though, because I know that there are many women who take offense to the chivalry… and I would feel like a complete jerk if I made them feel bad, oppressed, singled out or angry. I just wish there was a way to hang an “I am not holding the door for you because you are a woman, I am holding it for you because you are a person” sign around my neck.

I try to keep it alive! although I’ve heard things like “I feel like I’m dating a 40something guy, don’t do that” or “You behave like my gradfather” or even worse “I can do it by myself thank you”.Is not dead, some people is trying to kill it.

I always give up my seat/open doors ect.. im told im VERY polite. i was always brought up that way. and very often i think that has alot to do with it. But dont forget to weigh into the equation that the husband who did not give up his seat had a reason. maybe because his wife if a miserable bitch that makes his life a living nightmare and having just taken a load off his work boots after his 3rd shift of the day he didnt need some nosey woman getting into his affairs and now ensuring him a fight for when he gets home instead of the hockey game hes been looking forward to all day.

Im single, Work in IT with the hours of 12–8 so NO im not a bitter man i also dont watch much hockey

Can women be chivalrous?
Or is that just considered polite manners?

@shadowfelldown: I would be totally happy if you held the door for me. :) I was speaking mostly to “chivalry” as an expected, fossilized behaviour. And if you are helping the weak and the sick, those are people that do actually need it and are probably very grateful! It’s the proper way to treat a frail person, as far as I’m concerned.

My husband opens doors for me all the time, actually. He’s just being nice, though, like you. He also knows I don’t expect it, which makes it the greater gift.

After reading this post, I made the HUGE MISTAKE of reading some articles from my college newspaper. Then I wanted to beat my head against a wall.

Boy, this discussion sounds exactly like the things we were discussing when I was a lad, some forty years ago. Chivalry comes from Chevalier, the French term for Knight, or more precisely, horseman.

The knights had a code of conduct that extended far beyond treatment of women, but that category is the one we know most today. The knight was one of the most powerful people in those days. He was trained to ride and fight, and he was the way the monarch extended his power. Sometimes, I guess, the knights went to very far away places, and just took the property in their own names.

These days, it seems to me, being a chivalrous male is like aspiring to a position of power. Whether you know it or not, you want to be in a high position, like that of a knight. Indeed, the Disney themes probably figure prominently in our modern notions of chivalry.

Back then, it was considered courtesy, and in my thinking, it should now be considered courtesy. The person aspiring to power by being coureous can be of either gender. It is, make no mistake, a subtle game. Do we both hold doors for each other? Or does one do it more? Try going to lunch with a boss from a big company. He will be the last person in. By being courteous, you are being powerful, but magnanimous. It is a subtle, or not so subtle way or reinforcing your status.

Ya’ll may want to be equal while young, but I won’t be surprised if, when you get into the corporate world, you start playing the same games. Power is seductive. In academe, among students, and among those just out of school, it doesn’t matter. You have no power, so you don’t need to play power games. But when you get older, my guess is that you’ll find yourselves being much more courteous. Much more chivalrous.

@empress
Ug, your not alone on the whole head beating thing… Those are exactly the types of people that make it so hard for guys like me.
on a side note: just how many college newspapers are named “the collegian” anyways? I swear that I have come across at least 5

Chivalry is fun, I do it all the time. It’s a great way to start a conversation if she’s pretty and my age, too.

Not while I’m still alive!

Chivalry is not dead, it may be hibernating, but I am sure it is still alive. I work in our campus library and part of my job is emptying the outside book drops. I have to push a cart through two huge heavy doors to get outside. About 50% of the time a young man will grab the door when he sees me coming, the other 50% of the time, people won’t even hold it if I am right behind them.

I am female, and I always hold doors open for those who are behind me. I would give up my seat to anyone who needed it. When someone does the same for me, I just appreciate it. I never assume they did it because I am a woman. I don’t think it’s chivalry to do such things, just proper manners and an awareness of those around you. Now, I do think the “old” style of chivalry is gone. We no longer expect men to open our car doors for us, pull out our chairs, or stand up when we’re entering or leaving the room. I don’t think that’s a bad thing over all.

No, or at least I hope not. My husband will give up his seat for my daughter…and yes, even me! He has given his seat up for women. He does hold open doors and all those things…my son is being taught to do the same.

Like augustlan, it’s not the men in the family. My daughter and I hold doors, give up our seats for elders or others that need that seat more than us and would gladly carry things for someone, if they needed help.

I guess I wouldn’t have even thought about it – if it didn’t happen both ways to me that night. I think having manners, being respectful and having common courtesy is, like many others have said, attributable to both sexes. But I really think the guy who let his wife stand had a teaching moment for his kids and he blew it.

@autumn, I agree…what a bonehead. GRRR!

Chivalry isn’t dead and I don’t think it’s an age thing either. There have been quite a few guys my age who hold open doors for me, let me on the elevator first, give me a seat. I remember once when I was at an amusement park at night and was waiting in line with my friend to go on a roller coaster. I’d left my sweatshirt in the car because I didn’t think I would need it, but instead I was freezing cold! The guy in front of me offered to let me wear his jacket and said I could give it back to him when the ride was over. Chivalry is alive and well.

It just comes down to respect.

NO ! ... and we all hope grace dosn’t check out either!

When I clean in the telephone room at work, the Plant Ops guys have to let me in because it is locked. I take my cleaning cart in. They open the door just enough and then I have to awkwardly maneuver my cart in. They don’t even fully open the door.

Old post but don’t care – ha. It’s only dead if you make it dead. Say it ain’t so!